I'm 19 and I have always been confused about my sexuality, like sometimes I'll see a girl and think "wow, she's hot" or something like that and especially certain girls in movies and stuff. It's just something that's always been there, but I guess I never really thought much of it or thought that I'd act on it because all of my intense crushes have been on guys. I've known my best friend since I was 17, and after about a year of knowing her, I started having thoughts about kissing her and making up scenarios like that in my head about it and stuff. At the time, I'd always think that she'd be weirded out that I was thinking about her that way or whatever. We've always been really flirty with each other and really close. Fast forward to this year, she tells me that she likes me. When she told me that, I panicked and brushed it off because I wasn't ready to confront it or accept that I might feel the same way. Like I said, we have always been closer than most best friends, we talk 24/7 and her telling me that didn't make things awkward with us. If anything, it brought us even closer. I get jealous when she's with other people and the thought of her dating someone that's not me, I feel sick. But the thing is, I don't really think I'm physically attracted to her, and yet I think about making out with her and recently have started getting off to thoughts about her and I. But how can that be if I don't think that find her "sexy"? It's really fucking confusing because in my head I'm always thinking that I want to be with her in that way, but then whenever we talk about it, I start internally freaking out and denying things and I'm not sure if it's because I don't truly want her that way, or if I'm scared that I do, which could have something to do with my family because they are kind of homophobic and I don't want anyone to think of me differently. But like, I've never cared about as much as I care about her and I cannot picture myself living the "conventional life" getting married to some guy and spending my life with them. It seems like the logical thing to do would just be to try it out and see how I feel, but I couldn't take hurting her like that if I wasn't in to it. I don't know what to do anymore, this is killing me.
Hey. I think that you both are confused about your feelings for eachother. I think you both maybe dont want to admit that you have feelings for eachother. It sounds to me that you may be in a bit of denial about having feelings for this girl, it is clear you do care about her but i dont think you want to fully admit that to yourself. My advice is to just follow your heart, and have a talk with her, tell her you are scared. If she admitted to you that she likes you, i think she will be pretty cool having a convo with you about your feelings. My advice is to go for it hope i helped. If you could answer my question titled: "Why is she being distant? Is she gay or straight?" i would really appreciate it. ( it's at the top of this section since i just posted it)
You seem like a very kind person to not want to hurt her by "experimenting". You must care about her a great deal. I agree that you should tell her that you are scared by some of your feelings. Perhaps she can help you and you can work as a team to figure it out. Is it possible that you find her "sexy" but perhaps in some unconventional way? For instance, I do not think most people find their partners sexy the same way they find movie stars sexy. If you have been good friends this whole time, I think you should trust the strength of your friendship and work through it together and just let what happens happen. Good luck.
It does seem like you don't wanna hurt her by seeing what it is like to be with another girl I have had feelings for a friend and she is straight and nothing is going to happen which I'm fine with but if you both really like each other still then well just talk to her good luck xxx
It sounds like you're emotionally attracted to her, but not necessarily physically. The fact you've fantasised about her could mean genuine attraction OR simply admiration. Is there some quality (/qualities) in her you wish you could find in yourself? I often find myself fantasising about people I admire because I, subconsciously, wish I could be like them. Also you can be immensely invested emotionally and sexually in a person you wouldn't normally find to be "physically attractive". You can be far more sexually attracted to a persons personality than their physical appearance. The fact you can obviously distinguish the difference is good, but don't let it discourage you. I would discuss it with her, bring up the possibility of exploring those feelings, but you must try to be realistic. It sounds like your friendship could be hurt either way because of your jealousies, so exploring the possibility between you and her can't hurt any worse.
