so I really need some advice on a current situation. SO there is this girl I met last year in college, and the moment we met she was drawn to me. The four girls there started talking about sex and stuff and I said how I had been with girls and guys ( I am a lipstick lesbian). This was last year, ok anyways ever since that point we’ve been hanging out A LOT. A few wknds after the night we met, she kept saying how Im so beautiful , but she would never DO stuff like that ( meaning gay). Well next thing I know later in the night she came onto me and we were making out all night, I cant even count how many times. Well, ever since then we have been hanging out, making out, cuddling and sleeping ( by sleeping i mean just sleeping) together, etc. Things have been great, because we are Really good friends, but we also have this whole other thing going on which makes it awesome. I am not in love with her bc I am in love with another girl who went to the military ( shes in the closet/denial so that’s a whole nother story)…. But I do enjoy what we have. and i am keeping my guard up since this girl is confusing. She has made moves on me whether it be in front of guys, or just us. I am usually NEVER the one to make the 1st move due to the fact that she wont admit that she is not straight. Also, we are just friends too so I wouldn’t want for something to happen and mess up the friendship. However, she gets openly jealous whenever I am dancing on a guy, or guys hit on me or whatever. I don’t get why she would get jealous if we are just friends? As well, she sometimes goes over the top trying to talka bout guys in front of people or she will even try to hangout with guys in front of me and she says how theyre hot. So she has no right to be jealous about the things I do, right? She grabs my ass a lot too and she also sometimes seems to be resisting her urge to do more with me. However, recently she has been acting very weird, about 3 weeks ago she was acting distant and not being herself and didn’t text me at all so I knew something was up. well, the weekend came around so I asked what was up for the night and it was clear she was trying to avoid me. Well we ended up meeting up , but she was acting so weird, after a while, everyone wanted to go to a bar, she came in line with us then literally was like “ I I just have to go idk I just cant” and literally like ran away and left. Wtf?...then the next week she was acting weird still and she started telling me how shes been feeling really guilty and ashamed of things shes done, she wouldnt give me an answer when I asked what. She said she feels she’s lost the lord and idk all this other stuff…. Lol. Well then low and behold that night after this convo, she comes over to my place and we have a few beers and she starts getting real jealous when this other guy was clearly interested in me and she told him “ SHes mine!” then she kept trying to ket me to drink more and stuff then she came onto me and we started making out and her hands were runnin all over my body like I have never seen before! And I was leaning my head back and she kept looking into my eyes then would kiss me ( it was so hot) lol. Uhhh but yea. Then last wknd we got drunk with a few other people and a gay guy we r friends with and she out of nowhere goes to me “ LGBT woooohoo!” and I was like, wtf? Lol, then she goes “ LGBT !! right?” and I just didn’t respond. Wtf? Lol. So anyways, last night I was at her place and she stopped me in her room and goes “ can I ask u a question I want u to be honest” I go “ uhhh ok? Lol” she goes “ do u have feelings for me?” then I go “ we are friends…. I like what we do but no” ( obviously im not gonna tell her I have small feelings for her since she has no clue what her sexuality is and I don’t wanna look like an idiot..). Well then she goes “ really, you don’t??” and I was like “ no” she was like “ ohhh ok, well ok that’s good cuz I just wanted to make sure you didn’t fall for me or anything because we have been hanging out a lot” I said “ lol we hang out cuz we are friends…” she goes “ Yeah well I know sometimes when you are friends with a person and there is clearly something else going on, over time you can fall for the person and it can scare you” and I go “ uhhhh no?” lol. She kept saying how she is so straight. But then she goes “ we still can makeout right?” LOL WTF……. And I told her no I don’t have feelings for u bc I am in love with another girl , then she goes “ well feelings can change” … also I tried getting her to open up I said “ im not dumb I know you’re going thru stuff” and she said “ yes, I have never done what we do with another girl, and it is confusing me! And I said “ u just need to turn your mind off and stop thinking about it!”……. So this whole convo turned into a whole heated yelling thing and anyways now she is avoiding me more than ever!!! In the past when I have brought up this other girl, she has gotten so mad and said she wanted to beat her up!......anyways I tried texting her last night to ask her a question about something, and she didn’t respond, so I texted her again bc we were supposed to have plans, well 4 hours later she responds saying “ sorry ive been really busy but no im not gonna go out anymore” LOL she has never waited that long to reply and I saw she had been on facebook, and she has never been this cold to me. so yea it has been 2 weeks since i saw her when we had the convo where she asked if i had feelings for her, and i have attempted to hangout with her ( and do activities like go bowling, go to the gym, etc), and she keeps making up excuses. It is clear she is avoiding seeing me. Which I don’t understand, if I gave her the answer she truly wanted ( which was that I like her just as a friend), why would she be avoiding me???!?!?! She is the one who comes onto me every time. … Is it possible she doesn’t have any feelings for me?? It is clear that she is having some issues with herself, no doubt. My friends think she is in denial and scared because she is actually falling for a girl. Any ideas what you guys think is going on??? What should i do next? Im not the type of person to keep chasing her if she is treating me rudely, however i am also not the type to give up on a friendship or relationship that i know the other person does care about me. I do need to have a chat with her but i wanna do it in person, what should i do? Thanks. :roflmao:
I'm sorry but tl;dr... Consider making spaces and paragraphs to make it more accessible.?? Almost nobody will read a giant 2000word block of text. Spaces between thoughts, lists, dot points all help make it more accessible to the readers.
It sounds to me like she is definitely gay, or at least not straight. The messing around with you is a major clue, but kissing is one thing, jealously is another. I think that she gets jealous of others who hit on you is a pretty clear sign that she has feelings for you. I think the real question is whether or not you have feelings for her. It may take a long time for her to accept herself, but it would probably go more smoothly if she could come to understand that part of herself as more than just a physical one. Whether conscious or not, I think her asking you if you had feelings for her was her seeking validation of feelings that she was getting for you. First you need to decide how you feel. If you have feelings for her, then be prepared to tell her. If you don't, then I think you should start trying to reestablish the relationship without a physical component. And if you're still too preoccupied with that other girl, then you shouldn't have come this far in your involvement with this girl. Either way, call her and tell her that you really need to have a serious conversation with her, and then tell her how you feel.
interesting. i agree with everything you said. i do have small feelings for this girl, ( and i am pretty sure she ATLEAST has small feelings for me too)...however the reason i have been keeping my guard up and not allowing the feelings to increase is because she won't admit that she is not straight. I can't tell whether she is denying how she feels consciously or unconsciously, that is what confuses me. So, therefore, i don't want to put myself out there and just tell her i have feelings for her, and then make the friendship awkward or me look stupid IF she wont admit how she really feels... I definitely thought the same thing, that by her asking me if i have feelings for her, was sort of her way of projecting her feelings she has for me, onto me. atleast she said she is "confused" but, it is clear she is trying to deny to herself that she isnt straight. I am the type of person who likes to know forsure when somebody is into me, before i make a move. I like them to make the first move usually. .... if she had been treating me right this whole time, like not being all confusing towards me, or not being all over guys or in denial, i would be real with her, because i am a real and honest person. But the fact she plays mind games, i dont want to lay my honest self totally down on the table. You see what im saying? lol
I don't think she is playing with you, she might be just confused and need a little a nudge from you if you don't mind doing. You mentioned she wouldn't admit she is not straight but did you ask her about it - like ask her the same question she asked you. You like her, she likes you, maybe you could make a move 1st bcs it seems that you have more experience that her in the lesbian realm!
I agree with what you are saying, thanks for the advice. i just dont understand why she is avoiding me..... how could she expect me to admit my small feelings for her, if she won't even admit that she has them for me and she isnt straight. ( except for when she admits shes "confused" lol...) ? .... do you think she is avoiding me because she doesnt like me and therefore thinks i like her ( even tho i said i didnt)? i just dont see how it could be that. ... or do you think she is avoiding me because she has strong feelings for me and she doesnt want to admit them to herself and by avoiding me she doesnt have to experience her "confusing" feelings?... wat do u think?
She clearly needs professional help, she has a lot going on. She sounds religious and at the very least bi curious. However, I have been in situations where I didn't have feelings for a person until they showed interest in someone else, so I don't think that just because she gets jealous means she has the feelings she thinks she is having, if that makes sense.
