I've been struggling with my sexuality for years now and I can't ever seem to figure it out. I'm married to a man and he knows my issues, but can't really help much. I've been in relationships with both men and women. I used to have a lot of anxiety around guys cause I've been taken advantage of/abused a lot by them. I'm in counselling and have gotten a bit better in that area. The problem is my thoughts. Every single women that comes near me I swear I think I want to have sex with, it could be my cousins, my friends, anyone. I constantly think about making out with women. My 9 year old daughter said something that made me feel close to her and I got that kissing thought around her. I've started to feel "evil" around women now. I've acted on my thoughts as a teen to see what they were about and I didn't like it much, it was very awkward and just weird having sex with women. I do like the emotional bond with my friends but my feelings for a man will top them any day. But as the feelings become comfortable with guys these thoughts about women return. I never fantasize about myself with a woman but I can fantasize about women together. I'm never turned on by my thoughts either, even though I try to be. But I think I get some kind of pleasure? I hate this.
