1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I need help

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by biguy26, Nov 20, 2013.

  1. biguy26

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2013
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I just came to terms with my bi-sexuality and I'm trying to explore my feelings. I met this guy who I really like. I like kissing him, I love his body, he absolutely turns me on.

    My problem is this: We've only had sex one time because when we get ready to, I start to lose my erection. I don't know what it is.

    I'm afraid that I might not be in to guys as much as I thought, but that's not rational b/c he really does turn me on and I really do want to have sex with him. I don't know what the problem is. It's never happened to me before with women.

    When we had sex, he said I was good, we had fun, so I don't know why this is a problem.

    I'm not out to my family so maybe there's some anxiety. He's way more experienced than I am, so maybe there's fear that I can't please him. Plus, an ass is very different from a vagina and I don't think our lubricant has been very good, it's pretty cheap stuff actually. It kind of hurts me to be inside of him. Maybe that fear that it will hurt me is what the problem is. I don't know. Any advice? I really like this guy and he's been awesome about the whole thing but it's been frustrating. I don't want him to think I'm not into him b/c I really am. Like I said, I'm afraid that maybe I'm not into him as much as I want to be but the fact that I want to be better at sex with him should say something, right?

    I'm open to any suggestions and I'm sorry if I sound stupid. This is all very new to me.
     
  2. Lance

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2012
    Messages:
    506
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Michigan, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Are you nervous or anxious at all when you're going to have sex? Do you compare yourself to him when naked together? Do you have much foreplay before you get down to business?

    Also since you're new to all this stuff with a guy, it's most likely going to be a bit intimidating at first since it's all new territory. You probably just need to try to relax and enjoy it more.
     
  3. AKTodd

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2013
    Messages:
    3,190
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Norfolk, VA
    As a starting point, I'd suggest investing in a better quality lubricant and using a good amount of it. Also, take your time and have fun leading up to the point of intercourse. If you're feeling good and excited before you start, you will probably be into it more.

    Finally, and sort of coming at this from another direction, some guys just aren't into anal sex for various reasons. You may be one of those (or not), but that's perfectly ok, either way. Lots of other fun stuff to do besides anal after all.

    Todd
     
  4. biguy26

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2013
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Yeah I'm definately one of those guys who'd like to do it. What's a real good lubricant to use? I know that's at least some of the problem. How much, I don't know. It's not supposed to be scary but it is.

    ---------- Post added 20th Nov 2013 at 08:32 PM ----------

    We kiss a lot and we touch each other's bodies quite a bit. I get real turned on just looking at him. We grind on each other and I love that but I start to get hesitant when we're about to have sex. I get worried that I can't please him. He asked me if there was something wrong with him and I felt bad because there is NOTHING wrong with him. This is all me but as far as what exactly is wrong, I just can't pinpoint it. I'm trying to evaluate it without stressing because the stress will make it worse, probably.
     
  5. Lance

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2012
    Messages:
    506
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Michigan, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Is there any reason that you can think of that makes you feel like you can't please him(Even though it seems like you do/did)? Does it have anything to do with your penis? Are you afraid you'll ejaculate too quickly? Maybe try to play around a bit longer beforehand to get you really turned on and try to loosen up. Another thing, are you actually comfortable topping? Has bottoming ever crossed your mind?

    As for a good lube, I would personally suggest something silicone based for anal sex. System JO makes really good ones. Also Astroglide X.
     
  6. biguy26

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2013
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Well, I'm quite certain I'm a top. Bottoming is not something that appeals to me.

    I sometimes wonder if my penis is small, but he says it did the job fine when we did have sex.

    Like I said, there's definately anxiety but I'm not sure why. Although at least one thought I remember having was being afraid that it would hurt me to be inside of him because of the poor lubricant and the fact that it did hurt me at one point. I couldn't get any traction. Now, is that all of it? No, there's definitely something going on upstairs. I'm insecure and he tells me I shouldn't be. Right now I can't seem to help it. I definitely need to relax.

    And thank you by the way for helping me. I don't have many people to talk to about this. Just getting this out and having someone willing to offer me advice is relieving. I'm grateful.
     
  7. Lance

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2012
    Messages:
    506
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Michigan, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Honestly, it doesn't take a big penis in order to receive pleasure back there. A lot of guys, myself included, much prefer a guy with a more average penis than some hung foot long, lol. I'm sure you're fine in that department. Porn glorifies huge dicks, but that's not the real world.

    Also I'm wondering since you said it's hurt in the past; are you guys using condoms(you should be!)?
     
  8. biguy26

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2013
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I'm ashamed to say that the last couple of times we have not. But we will be. Stupid on my part.
     
  9. Lance

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2012
    Messages:
    506
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Michigan, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    In addition to protecting you and your partner, they should also help with creating less friction and potential to hurt your penis when used with a good lube. It's so not worth the risk to not use condoms. Not only to help keep STD's and potential infections away(bacteria getting in your pee-hole, not fun!), but also it's just much cleaner and helps take away some worry.

    If your "more experienced" boyfriend insists on not wanting to use them, then I'd be leery. If he was willing to bareback with you so quickly, then I'd assume he's probably done it with other guys in the past. I'm not trying to degrade his character or anything, but you just need to look out for yourself.