i might like a transexual

I have a trans friend who identifies as female. She's always presented herself as such, so I never had that problem. I can tell you, though, that if you're not sure whether you should address and act around your trans friend as male or female, you should definitely ask. She'll be less offended if you ask than if you don't and say or do something that's the opposite of how she expects to be treated. And as far as you being gay but into her goes, I think you probably should say something.

 

Well, if she's a transsexual, and you're attracted to her, it would follow that you're some shade of bisexual (or attracted to women, if you don't feel interested in labels at this point; either way works), since transwomen are a type of women, and gay men generally want little to do with them, in general (romantically and/or sexually, anyway).

I guess the question(s) to ask yourself might be: am I really attracted to her? And if so, is it despite her physical differences, or because of them? Even I'll admit to noticing a person's physical appearance first, but what determines whether or not I'll continue being interested or not will depend on the type of person they are, so if I find out someone I found physically attractive turned out to be "wrong" for me later down the road, I'd lose interest, while on the other hand, there have been plenty of those outside my normal range of interest who have grown on me, and I've developed an attraction that would far surpass anything felt for a hot, cute, attractive, etc stranger.

Again, I don't know too many purely gay men who would be attracted to "mixes" of "male" and "female"... generally, they're into men, and for better or for worse, it's generally men who fall on the masculine or "normal" side. It's usually straight men who experience attraction or fetish towards transwomen, since, well, they're women (duh!)

Just tell her how you feel, and if there's something you're not sure about, simply ask. It's better than saying or doing something that you end up regretting later.

 

Well, as far as voice goes, it depends on the person. Most mostly female transsexuals tend to look, act, and sound female by what I've experienced, just like most mostly male transsexuals tend to look, act, and sound male. And by mostly, I mean whether they have a more masculine or feminine face and build. Since you're talking about your friend with female descriptors, I'd guess she's a female with a penis instead of a male with a vagina, but not knowing them, I can't honestly say for certain. You'll just have to wait and see.

As far as asking how you should treat and address them goes, the sooner you do it, the better off you'll be. It's mondo awkward talking to a transsexual or transgender person thinking they prefer to be treated as one sex when they want to be treated as the other. It's awkward asking, I know, but it gets easier once you do.

 

If viewing her as a "normal" woman (see: cis, bio) is too much to ask for at this stage, how about just viewing her as herself? A person you just so happen to be interested in, for any number of reasons. And I don't think there's anything wrong with preferring transwomen to ciswomen, provided it's a genuine attraction and not shallow objectification.

Uh, it entirely depends on the transsexual in question: what their natural voice is like, whether they go through voice therapy, take hormones, when they started transitioning, how much effort they've put in, etc. One thing many transsexuals don't want is to sound like a member of their assigned sex, so a transwoman is most likely going to want to sound as feminine as possible.

Some gay men would be into transmen, just like some gay women would be into transwomen. We still live in world where the binary is enforced in regards to sexuality, sex, and gender, unfortunately, where people assume a gay man would rather be with a MAAB, regardless of gender identity, when you have a better chance of them being attracted to a transman. I think transgenders in general make people uneasy, since they blur the lines between what makes a person a man or a woman. Is it what's in-between your legs? How you express yourself? What you identify as?

And I see nothing wrong with meeting up through text. Just make sure there aren't any misunderstandings, and everything should go according to plan with you two. @Transsexual members, please feel free to correct me if anything posted is inaccurate, offensive, or incomplete.

 

Seconding that. Having one transsexual friend does not an expert make me. Even though all of what I know about transphobia and being sensitive toward transsexual and transgender people I learned from her...

 

Well, I'm not really the one to ask, but as I've had it explained, people who are born exhibiting characteristics of both male and female are transsexual, as are people born one sex and transition to the other, whether or not they have surgery to change their genitalia. Your best bet is getting to know some of the transsexual users here and asking them about it. I only have the one transsexual friend so I have not learned everything.

 

Not all transsexuals have surgery, either due to choice or circumstance, and it might be more tactful to ask if she's post-op or pre-op, though try to keep in mind that it's a very sensitive subject for many of them.

And someone born with both sets of genitalia would be intersex, falling under the transgender umbrella, but not necessarily transsexual. Since both are rare, it would be that much harder to find a person who identifies as transsexual and was born with both male and female parts, but I'm sure they exist. David Reimer comes to mind, though he was FORCED to live as a member of the opposite sex from an early age, so it's not quite the same.

A transsexual is simply someone who identifies with the opposite sex. Since I don't necessarily feel strictly male or female, that's not me, though I do identify with the term "transgender", having a non-binary identity.