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Losing Sex Drive

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by lookingforadvic, Nov 22, 2013.

  1. lookingforadvic

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    Recently, I have started to question my sexual orientation. I was convinced I was straight for 19 1/2 years but in the past 2-3 months I have been thinking 'What if I am gay?' obsessively. I have had crushes on girls in this period but tried to have sex with a girl two times and couldn't get hard enough. I had a half-boner both times and actually prematurely came once because she was grinding on my dick. I have tried to watch gay porn and fantasize about gay sex but I can only get half-hard. The same holds true for straight porn these days—I can get extremely hard only if watching extreme videos (gangbangs, tranny, etc). I have always been a sexually charged person but lately I feel impotent, like I'm a blunt knife.

    Is this a common symptom of the denial phase of gay acceptance? I don't really have crushes on guys nor the desire to sleep with them, but not being able to get hard around girls has made me want to experiment with guys to test if I get hard or not. Also, since the last time I failed to perform I have found myself unable to have sexual desire towards women since I know that if it got hot and heavy I would be too nervous to get an erection. Maybe I could get hard for guys, I don't know, and I don't really want to test it.

    Is this denial or what?
     
  2. greatwhale

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    I wouldn't recommend that you "experiment with guys" only because no human being should be someone else's experiment. Nevertheless, I understand what you're getting at.

    A couple of performance failures do not a gay make, it goes way deeper. and yes, arousal is often an accompaniment to imagination. Gay porn is NOT the best way to test this out, masturbating to same-sex fantasies is rather more reliable.

    The key factor in the reliability scale is the persistence of same-sex imagination/fantasy, this is how the American Psychological Association uses that key word in their own definition of homosexuality.

    Performance issues may have a whole host of causes, if you really can't imagine yourself with a guy and if same-sex fantasy doesn't do it for you, you may want to get a physical and have yourself checked out, or, alternatively there may be other issues that a counselor could help you with.
     
  3. lookingforadvic

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    can you please link me to that. Thank you so much for your answer!

    I wouldn't say I fantasize about same-sex encounters, more like fantasizing about fantasizing about same-sex encounters and then checking to see how I feel. I don't seem to be attracted to women anymore--maybe because of the humiliation or feelings of impotence--but I am not eager to pursue a same-sex relationship
     
  4. greatwhale

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    That sounds rather...complicated and twice-removed! :icon_wink

    Here's the link:

    Sexual orientation, homosexuality and bisexuality

    You probably won't find enough in that link to help you make a decision, but it could help with your next steps...

    Best of luck!
     
  5. EscapeArtist

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    ^^Couldn't have said it better myself.
     
  6. penguin machine

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    I agree with greatwhale here, a lack of boners do not make you gay. What I would suggest is that you expose yourself to gay romance. Find some fiction, find a list of movies about gay romance, and just see how you feel. Your heart is a much better indicator of what drives you than your cock is.
     
  7. Necrose

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    You're probably not gay. I agree with greatwhale and penguin machine. Think about being with another guy when you get horny and need to masturbate and see if it keeps you hard. Watch and read gay romance. If movies and stories about two guys falling in love with each other stirs you, then you might be at least bi, if not gay. Otherwise, your lack of desire could mean you're asexual or there's a source of stress in your life you're not aware of. Stress does kill sex drive, you know.
     
  8. fackit

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    You could be bisexual...because I doubt completely gay men can prematurely ejaculate with girls.
    That being said, I think you should give up porn completely.
    Porn can somewhat desensetize you and kill your erections.
    If you give up porn and masturbation for a month or two, your attractions will become clear, and your anxiety will fade...your dick will give you the right answer.

    Also if you worry about your erections so much, try morning sex which wil make your dick much harder, or get some horny goat weed.
     
    #8 fackit, Nov 22, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2013