Hi all, I've been in a open relationship for just over 13 months now. My partner and I have been living together for roughly 9 of those months. We both love each other very much. My partner is afraid to get married because it may not last. He thinks I'm going to leave him for some younger guy. I don't know how to reassure him that I'm not going anywhere. Any help will be greatly appreciated.
Hey there, Some people have a genuine feat, that after you get married, you go through what I call “Lock Down Syndrome” and what others call the 7 year itch. Basically, he’s afraid that after you commit to him, that the true realization of what that entails will hit you. This is quite a serious thing. When you get married, you’re on this huge cloud of euphoria and ecstasy. Nothing seems quite real, that’s how happy you are. Then you come of that great cloud and the dull force of reality hits you. Some people can’t stand it and cheat straight away. Some can deal with it and just become more faithful to their partners. Basically, I think this is what your partner is thinking. He might have some security and self-confidence issues. It might be a good idea to address those through therapy or seeing a shrink. He likes the idea of an open relationship because you’re both more or less free to do what you want. It gives him the safety of knowing “Well, he’s not here because he has to be. He can leave at any time but he’s decided to stay. So he must love me.” This is very important to someone that might feel otherwise insecure about themselves in a relationship. You need to explain to him, that marriage isn’t the death of the liberty to come and go. He needs to realize that you wanting to get married with him, is only reinforcing the idea that you want to always be with him. You need reassure him that there is no possibility of you going after someone younger once you get bored of the idea of marriage. These are the sort of things you should explain to your partner. Hopefully he’ll be able to reconcile his issues. I hope I’ve been able to help in some small way. I also truly think it might be a good idea if your partner went to see a psychologist/therapist. You could even go with him. Relationship concealing isn’t just for failing marriages. It’s just there to help you get stronger as a couple. Cheers.
