Basically what I stated. I know I have been confused for about 5 months now. Except now I can handle this whole situation better and with less worries and anxiety. Anyways, I've always known I was straight, even from my very early childhood I have always been attracted to girls. All the time, I have no doubt about it. And I still have no doubt that I'm attracted to girls. But every very often I will have a gay fantasy. It is rarely occurring now. But still, I had it. I'm not sure if it's the aspect of attraction or the aspect of "taboo". More so, I'm not attracted to guys body. BUT, if you were to take away a guys upper body, And turn him around so only his butt shows, then I would be attracted. Basically, I like ALL asses. It's sexual too me to see a nice ass. I love girls asses. But I could feel the same if a nice ass was on a guy, I would he attracted to the ass hut not the guy himself. Idk if this is just the sexual aspect that makes me have the fantasy of any ass or if it is because I'm bisexual?
Well, from what you've said you like no part of a man except a nice butt. So if a nice male butt came up to you and started flirting, you might go for it. If a guy did, you wouldn't. You seem to just like butts!
Yes I like asses. But I have no desire to have a relationship with a guy or even really have sex for one. Like just give me a blow up doll ass and I will love it lol. But no Yeah, I been attracted to girls for my whole life never questioned. Then a situation happend where I was over thinking, then I thought I was gay. But then I started accepting it and then women came back to me and idk if it's gunna keep heading that way. I never had sex with anyone yet and I'm a very horny male! Edit: I know FOR SURE I'm not gay. It's just bi sexual or straight now. I thought I was gay for a few months and I accepted it and it started going away and girls came up again on me really hard. So now I'm back and forth! But never had a relationship maybe I will find stuff out about myself when j do get in one!
Well from here it looks like you're straight as hell. I mean to be honest, a butt is a butt! Sure it might be a slightly different shape, but I'm guessing if the penis was in view, you wouldn't be so interested! You just like butts!
For now, I like to call myself bisexual in my head because of this. It makes the fantasy make sense and that's what I need. Everything needs an answer for me. But when j get into a relationships then it may change lol
The best answer isn't necessarily the simplest, least complicated. Sounds like you want one particular kind of an answer--one that delivers a message that doesn't upset you (for good or ill). --but I wonder if that claim to knowing you're not gay doesn't sound a bit defensive? ... and here you are. On EC. With a question about homoerotic phantasies. Which I think are wonderful. Enjoy 'em!
I'm not trying to be defensive. I'm clarifying my story to people of what has been happening and going on. And what steps I have been taking. Seeing if this would lead me to be bisexual. And I'm not offending anyone as for I may be bisexual? And I don't really care if I'm bisexual. I just dont. I'm trying to get answers. And I also said I'm not gay, because then people like you, would then begin to wonder, "hmm why is he saying this type of question with this description" so I'm trying to encourage the part of my story. Because then everyone would have been on me about how I'm just "gay". But Litterly, I gave it a chance, I didn't deny myself of anything. This is just where I am, been attracted to girls ALL my life, it was what came natural to me first. Then I was over thinking one day, but it brought in the "gay" side I guess u could say. And trying to figure out what it's about isn't the easiest since there can be many reasons. That being said, I gave it a chance, I became comfortable with it. But I'm very attracted to women more and actually WANT women more. Sorry but I'm not doubting myself at all for women, I know that part and really nothing will change that. And I also stated "once I get into a relationship I will find stuff out about myself" so really no, I'm not looking for any particular answer. Just an answer
The kind of defensiveness I mean, isn't directed to others, but ourselves. When we really really want to be convinced about something, but feel the need to explain it a lot, cause we know, at least unconsciously, that what we want to believe so badly isn't quite the truth... or the whole story. The defensiveness--explaining stuff repeatedly, is to quiet the doubts that keep bubbling to the surface... in dream and fantasy, if no where else. Gender isn't fixed into impermeable, neatly labeled compartments. Wouldn't surprise me to hear that a sexually satisfied hetero-cis guy had fantasies about other guys. Wouldn't surprise me, either, if those fantasies turned out to reflect real desire. Question is, if an opportunity presented itself--would you act on them? Until you can answer that--all the attempts to get what these fantasies are telling you won't get far. And once you do know... they likely won't be important anymore. Then again, dreams being dreams (and I think repeated fantasies work like dreams)--they may not be at all what they seem--but instead, be about something else you desire but is otherwise forbidden...in the way (for you) sex is with men. Maybe you wanna steal you father's car and make metaphorical love with it driving down the interstate? Who knows? ---------- Post added 25th Nov 2013 at 08:13 PM ---------- Maybe I'm missing something in the posts above... but what is it you gave a chance to? And you know, no one on EC will get on you about being gay or not being gay or being bi or whatever. No reason to be anxious about that. We're here cause we're all looking for support, and I hope, willing to give it in return.
much repsect desterttoroise..your last comment on ParanoidKids thread is no doubt food for thought. at least for me. my question for is: if i am not finding these fantasies arousing (and Im not sure if i even call them fantasies because they are mainly scenarios in which i will see how i react. do i enjoy it? do i not? sort of i like a testing scenario) if i don't find these arousing and more or less feel uncomfortable with the situation, would it be safe to say that i don't find men sexually attractive. it sounds stupid and sort of a simply question, but its what i have been thinking about for a while. -the stronger sexual arousal definately comes from women and there is almost no arousal to same sex fantasies at all. -i have always felt this way and have fallen in love with women since 1st grade. ive read your story and just looking for a little advice/feedback
-the stronger sexual arousal definately comes from women and there is almost no arousal to same sex fantasies at all. If they are looking for a new definition of 'straight' for the dictionary they might want to consider this one.
Yeah, ... when I realized I only masturbated to fantasies about men, I thought, hmmm.... maybe this means something about me? On the other hand, working up erotic fantasies for the sole reason of proving to oneself that one is not aroused by them, makes not being aroused pretty much what it would be in a dream... confirmation of the opposite. There is just a whole lot a tap dancing going on here. :icon_wink ---------- Post added 26th Nov 2013 at 11:46 AM ---------- To answer the thread question directly: fantasies don't determine anything. The express and reflect our desires. The fantasy itself, mind you--not our rationalizations about them. The fact that you feel a need to question what it is you really desire may be the one thing it would be most helpful to explore. Where did such insecurity come from?
it's not to see that I am "not" aroused by them. but to see if we are, in order to see if we do have that element of same sex attraction. so I think that's what myself and paranoidkid mean when we say we have given it a fair shot. we have legit tried to enjoy these fantasies sexually and can't. we have tried to become aroused by gay porn and can't. I know maybe you may think it's denial. but to me, if I was thinking about these situations and becoming aroused, have done so for a while, liked gay porn, have fallen in love with men but still tried arguing I was straight because I could occasionally masterbate to women..dosent that sound like a little more like denial?
I am gay but the same way. I love butts! Mostly men's, but women's too, so I know what you mean. An ass is an ass. It's the same shape, but still...what does it mean??
By the looks of it you are straight and a ass is a ass. If you were bisexual you could tell in a way of seeing a really fit male and making you horny i know as i have a boyfriend
I'll clarify, basically being gay was given its chance. When I first became confused, or paranoid u could say. I thought I was gay, I accepted it over time. U know if I had a gay fantasy I had it, oh well. But then once I started to accept it, it didn't start holding onto me so much. Then suddenly I had got this strong urge for girls again, for fantasies and porn and everything. And ever since I've been more accepting of myself the gay stuff start to die down more and more. Basically., when I jerk off, I will think be thinking of a girl first, naturally, or see a vagina and be really aroused by it. Then when I'm aroused by it, I go "okay now what if this were a guy with a vagina? Then that's where the gay fantasy would only come in. Same thing for the asses, I will see a girls ass and think " okay now what if this was a guy with this ass" then bam. That's my fantasies, if u would say gay fantasies I guess. But now u can see why i ruled out gay, and debating on bi sexual. I am not so trying to be defensive, more informing and telling you guys so no one gets on the kick of me just being "gay and not accepting it" i understand what you mean, of course I do still have doubts as u are correct, but not because of defensive, but because I'm confused. I do have ocd and anxiety, and it's not just this stuff, I had it my whole life. So I always fell a need or tendency to be reassuring and for me to be reassured. Because I VERY easily overthink. I hope I could clarify for you. But just saying, I still can be bisexual so I'm not trying to be defensive about the guy fantasies and all that saying it's unjust, I'm totally in 100% to know I may be bisexual. ---------- Post added 26th Nov 2013 at 04:54 PM ---------- And for the record, NOT TO BE DEFENSIVE. I kmow for fact 110% sure I'm attracted to girls. I just honestly have no doubts about that. Just doubts about being straight or not. And also, NOT TO BE DEFENSIVE. I have been in love with a girl before. And no I'm not just saying it. I was spending a 3 day weekend with her. I had that feeling you get. I can't even describe it, it was just in my chest and it felt so special and all I wanted to do was spend the rest of my life with the girl. And when she was packing that day to go home I got really depressed. And when I drove her so she could go home I was depressed and when she got out if my car all I was thinking about was her. And then a minute after I dropped her off all I wanted was to message her or call her. And actually she messaged me 5 min after I dropped her off . But as soon as I got home I couldn't even do my homework because she was all I was thinking about, eventually I laid down in my bed and was crying that she wasn't with me anymore and all I wanted to do was talk to her and spend time with her and just be with her forever.
But again to clarify in simpler form. I totally understand what you mean about being defensive yes I do still have doubts of being totally straight your correct. I guess defensiveness is in there. But I'm in debate of straight and bi sexual. Just not totally gay. ---------- Post added 26th Nov 2013 at 05:01 PM ---------- And one more comment in my DEFENSIVE lmao. This is defensive now. But when I masturbate, I always think of girls first. Then get brought to, "okay what if this was a guy". And then I will introduce a guy. Hence where my gay fantasies are. Which is why I don't know if it the sexual aspect since I. Already beating the meat and horny. So input is great anyone Thank you! ---------- Post added 26th Nov 2013 at 05:18 PM ---------- I understand what your saying here. Knowing if these fantasies are our real desire or not until the opportunity comes is a good way of explaining. It's how I actually feel. Right now, with that in mind I would say I would not act on it. But again, we all have an opinion on something to know if we would do it or not. BUT until the situation occurs we never really know. Just like of ssomeone were too be robbed, most would sat "yeah ill help taht person and catch the robber, when in reality only about 10% would do what they said. NOW, with that in mind, I would say no, I would not act on it. But I really have zero idea, since the situation had never been presented to me yet and it's a 50/50 chance either way
And just one more thing beczuse I got so much on my mind now. But please take into consideration. When I brought this up with my therapist. She said having a gay fantasy does not mean anything. She said it to me for the fact that I always fool myself and get over thinking about stuff. She said only way I would know if I was into.guys is if the situation arose and I accepted. Then it would be more clear. But she said my fantasies right now mean nothing for the pure fact that it's sexual and anything sexual is a turn on. And the fact that I have had zero experimentation with anyone. Liek I never even been with a girl yet, never even had a gf (which I feel ashamed about since I'm 19 and never done shit -.-) ---------- Post added 26th Nov 2013 at 05:35 PM ---------- I'm just so upset because I JUST DONT KNOW. And all I wanna do is know so I can get back to my regular plain old life. This has me so in my mind all day it's not fun ---------- Post added 26th Nov 2013 at 05:41 PM ---------- Now I'm all worked up I my head wanting to know what everything means and what it is happening and where I will be in my future I have no patience I NEED to know so bad
