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Natured to be straight/nurtured to be gay = bi?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by thinker1992, Nov 28, 2013.

  1. thinker1992

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    So I've been questioning a lot lately, and right now I'm thinking I might be bi, or a Kinsey 2(ish). I'm hoping some of you here have gone through something like this, and can maybe tell me your opinions of my orientation, or your experiences.

    I'll start off by saying, and this may not be PC, but I do believe what I wrote in the thread title is very possible with me. Let me explain, my father was a "badass" you could say, as in embodied straight (might be stereotyping) characteristics. Ripped, ladies man, hothead, football player, thug Mexican, chased dreams, just a lot of testosterone. And so when I was born, I had those characteristics. I fought, took what I wanted, played sports like football and wrestled, and was really just a hellion, the complete opposite of a well behaved shy kid.

    During this time and as I grew into my teens, I also fantasized and was attracted EXCLUSIVELY to girls. I can tell you it wasn't admiration either, girls made me "buzz." I had crushes, watched lesbian porn, google image searched "WWE Divas naked", jacked it to girls yearbook pics, real perverse stuff.

    Then came the girlfriends. In 8th grade, I had my first "make out" and kisses with her, and I felt fireworks. I felt like I was in top of the world, floating, passion, I think you get the picture. As a freshman, I had a girlfriend, and did everything except sex with her, and never failed to get an erection. In fact, getting it on with her was probably my #1 priority in life. But she dumped me and wrecked my confidence, and I believe this causes me to avoid that hurt or humiliation again.

    College came, and this is where things get tricky. As I said earlier, my dad was a dream chaser. This meant he had to travel A LOT, and he was never really around. So I was raised mainly by my mother, who was a disciplinarian and strict (though I'll admit she had to be.)

    So now in college I start having gay fantasies, and in them I am usually the bottom. The idea if being penetrated got me off, making me wonder if I was gay. But at first, the man in my fantasy never had a face, which makes me think he is a prop. I also think what gets me off the most is the humiliation, because what usually makes me come is imagining the man in my fantasies is saying humiliating things to me/laughing at me. Then, I started fantasizing about people in power over me taking control of me, and cuckolding me by having sex with my girlfriend. Yeah I'm twisted my bad.

    And I wonder why I didn't fantasize about men, or was even attracted to them in real life when I was younger. Could it be because I was naturally straight, but being raised by a woman created a submissiveness in me, because I never fit in? I've read if you fantasize about men who are in a position of power over you, that you are sexualizing the negative experience of not having a loving father, to make it less painful. I have also read that real, genuine gay men would not view gay sex as a humiliating, negative thing (I do, I fantasize about my girlfriend watching me be penetrated and laughing at me.)

    My questioning got worse when I failed to get it up a few times with my girlfriend, although this May have been anxiety because as time went on getting it up was never an issue, and I even had to deal with premature ejaculation a few times (definitely doesn't sound like a gay problem.) I also still watch lesbian, straight, and gay porn. But I can only get off to gay porn when one person is being dominated.

    I have also tried sex with a guy, not because I was horny, but curious. And it went a lot like sex with girls goes, where I struggled to stay hard. I also was a little repulsed by some iOS the things we did, I almost quit but kept going bc I was thinking "you need to know." By the end I was able to finish though from a hj. I was not attracted to him either, in the moment I also didn't think I found anything about men attractive. I'd much rather caress and kiss boobs.

    But why would I even try this? Yet alone finish? While I had a girlfriend who I went right back to and finished with as well? (I know , shame on me)

    I've always thought bisexual men don't/can't exist. I feel like I'm a perfect swirly of environmental and biological factors that creates two totally different persons. And now, I feel like I'm caught in the middle. I can't give my full heart to anybody, and I hate it. My attractions shift back and forth, even though I do notice women most of the time in public.?

    So I guess my question is, when finishing yourself, can an entire life of attraction to one gender just drift away, leading me to become gay? Is my attraction to men more of a power dynamic fetish or genuine attraction? I'd really appreciate if any gay, or even better genuine bisexuals could share their experiences and give their thoughts. Did you to through this or did you always know you were attracted to the same sex?

    Sorry for the length.
     
  2. paranoidkid

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    Man just relax. I guess your still in college in your late teens maybe early 20's. Your really horny bro. Near the end of puberty things will become more clear. Stuff will die off and ou will find out who your really attracted to. otherwise your jut really horny right now and so worried your gay that its all just probably in your head. You will find out soon enough
     
  3. fackit

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    Wow this is pretty close to my case...
    I have jizzed in my pants several times with girls, but sometimes I just lose my erection... and feel like maybe its because I am secretely gay.
    I have also cuckold fantasies from time to time...I cant explain it but they kind of disgust me.
    I usually go for lesbian and straight porn, but there is always this 1% of gay fantasies/porn which bothers me....
    Anyway I dont know about nature vs nurture but the way to go is to relax during your sexual encounters...
     
  4. anon12

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    no, from my experience here, you cannot TURN gay. it dosent happen like that. it is either, you knew from a very early age that you were gay and liked men or didnt realize it till later in your life. and from what ive read here, those who find out later in life, never really enjoyed girls or fell in love.

    so it dosen;t sound like either. i think your right, gay men dont find sex with men humiliating. im not sure i would say your bisexual.

    lets take a more psychological approach here: do you feel inferior to your father in a way that maybe you don't measure up to him? maybe you don't feel like the ladies man you portrayed him to be therefor your sort of internalizing this as a sexual identity issue?

    from what it sounds like, you enjoy/have always enjoy women so no, i don't think your 100% gay and congrats to you for being open minded enough to try and experiment with a guy. it sounds like that was not a pleasent experience. stick around here for a little while and see what others say. peruse some threads and maybe try to get an idea on what is causing the anxiety
     
  5. emkorora

    emkorora Guest

    tl;dr

    But for your final paragraph and question, no. But if it helps you feel more secure, Alfred Kinsey did a study where it was found very few people are inherently and absolutely hetero/homosexual. With or without the knowledge, most are "in-between" those two ends.

    That being said, I always understood a difference of feeling towards other men. I did not fully associate that with what gay meant until I was 12 or 13, but I always recognized its presence.
     
  6. citiesaviv

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    Mate your post, word for word, reverberates with my own experience. My father was a hardass type, left my mother, I've always loved girls, cue submissive fantasies, etc etc. I don't have much else to say but it seems to be getting better. Try not to dwell too much on it and focus your energies elsewhere besides sex and sexual questioning. It's fucking hard, I'll tell you that much. It's the most powerful drive in a young man's arsenal, or anyone elses for that matter. Hell, listen to me, I sound like a hardened veteran through having to deal with this shit for the past few years. I'd love to throw in the towel and gay out all over the place but it's just not who I essentially am nor want to be. I know I would have regrets. It's a strange concotion of hormones and brain chemistry, nothing more, nothing less. And that is changeable.

    I, like you, have tried, and it didn't do anything for me bar leave me with a bad aftertaste of smegma.

    One thing I've found helpful is learning to love myself again. Physical activity especially. I see what you mean about the two separate selves thing - part of me is a bitch that likes to take it hard and the other part is an alpha straight male I guess. A good friend once told me that humans are like onions and we all have our layers, i.e. quirks and idiosyncrasies. By loving myself it's kind of like bringing the two together in one coherent form... masculine vs feminine, anima and animus, whatever. Its a tough and unnatural road it feels but I think once I get some reference experience I'll begin to trust in it. I can feel it.

    If you wanna chat hit me up with a PM dude.