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Romantic attraction vs. sexual attraction

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by lssl, Nov 29, 2013.

  1. lssl

    lssl Guest

    I've been struggling a lot with my sexuality recently. I started by identifying as gay and I've recently been questioning whether I'm bi but am starting to feel like labels are not the answer. The problem I've come down to is I would still like to be able to differentiate between romantic and sexual attraction even in the absense of sexual orientation labels. I've been having very strong sexual reactions to purely platonic interactions with women and I don't really know what to make of it. Is this just due to the fact that I've been lonely for a long time and am finally opening up to others? Is this actual sexual attraction? I'm just feeling very confused. I feel like I've adopted a very unhealthy view of sex where it is the only way I know how to feel close to someone. This is what makes me wonder if my wiring is just a little funny right now and with puberty and such I'm acting out in a way sexually that is just covering up my desire to be close with other people right now on a romantic or even platonic level. Does anyone have any ideas about this?
     
  2. Plutanan

    Regular Member

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    I would clear my head for awhile if I were you. In fact, I went through this and that's what I did. Granted, I'm not "out" and I decided against it (among other reasons) because of the fact that I felt confused. I even told a friend I liked her because I thought I did. But after I told her, I regretted it. It was just because I wanted to like her and I really didn't. Since then, I've changed from bisexual to queer (because I didn't want a label) to accepting that I am homosexual.

    Now, the point of my story was not to say that you are gay. It was just that sometimes everything can feel odd and it's hard to tell who we're attracted to. Just clear yourself and think. Don't think about what you would like to want. Think about what you really want.

    At the end of the day, I realized that my friend (the same female friend above) rubbing against me didn't 'excite' me while we were hanging out. I realized that having a guy cuddled next to me was what I really wanted. At first, I thought, "Oh, it's her. I just haven't found the right girl." But I know there is no 'right' girl for me.

    So, just evaluate yourself. You won't find out tomorrow, but take a long look. As for any differences in sexual and romantic attraction, should there be any, I wouldn't know what to say for that. Hopefully, you will find out for yourself in the same way I did. You'll just have different results!

    At least I know from experience, you'll make it through this. Best of luck :wink: