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Elephant in the room

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Scott6186, Dec 3, 2013.

  1. Scott6186

    Regular Member

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    I have this friend who I've known for a year, but seriously for the past 7 months. We both identify as straight. I've honestly only thought certain guys were attractive but never wanted to pursue a relationship. Before friends I always locked eyes with him in a room and caught him staring. Now that we are friends he always talks about what girls he likes or wants to talk to, but never follows through. He has brought girls back to his apartment, however never does anything more than kissing or occasionally have them give him head. He always complains about never having girls and when I hook him up with a girl, he seems disinterested all of a sudden, usually claiming he is too drunk.

    When I talk to a girl he wants to know everything about her. Like what I did with her last night, do I plan on dating her, how much do I like her. He also tries to give me advice on how to impress her, yet I feel like he's just covering up his jealousy. I don't understand why he cares so much about me and another girl.

    As far as our friendship is concerned, he texts me everyday. He is always coming up with a way to start a conversation with me, but I feel like he wants to just talk. I always catch him staring at me. I've done it a few times also, and when I get caught he'll smirk and stare at me also. The looks he gives me is not the look two straight guys should give each other.

    He's become touchy recently, whether it's brushing my arm, leaving his arm next to mine so they touch, he even tried to lay on me today. He likes kicking my foot randomly and then smiling at me.

    He's always teasing me and saying I'm like a little brother, he just likes bothering me all the time which I think is kinda cute. And when we text he sends the little emoticons such as ":frowning2:, :/, :slight_smile:, :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:" which I think isn't very masculine.

    He also always complains about how other people are gay. And most of the guys he hangs out with are usually suspect as well. He is always talking about how guys wink at him or try to go to the gym with him. I've also caught him checking out other guys, and he loves fashion.

    In my eyes I think he is gay, but just scared of what other people will think of him. He is trying so hard to prove he's masculine, but I see right through it.

    I won't act like I don't like him because honestly I think I've fallen in love, which I didn't plan, but I feel like he's perfect for me. I want to keep it under the wraps but it's becoming noticeable I think. We go out to restaurants just is two, walk the city, go to museums, it's just me and him all the time and I love it. When I think of him he texts me, and I want more, but don't at the same time because im not ready to come out yet. But I want to know if he's gay, what do you think? What should I do?
     
  2. Heun

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    From what you say, and I'll presume here you know this individual well enough, you seem like you're pretty confident in your assessment of him and indeed that of yourself. You sound like great friends and I understand that sometimes that makes this all the harder of a situation.

    That being said, it sounds like you could very easily bring it up in a multitude of ways, like for example if he complains about never having any girls, 'jokingly' ask him if then he's considered being with a guy. Ok, maybe not that direct but perhaps you get what I mean. Or perhaps you could play back a little and see how he reacts.

    I'll be honest I'm horrid at approaching these kinds of things, but I think that's mostly because it's a very complicated sort of thing that often involves how well you know and can gauge this individual.

    I'd say don't be afraid to chance the waters and see how he reacts; you don't have to be direct although skirting it might only get you mixed reactions that further muddy the waters, so try to find a happy medium if you're concerned.