People who spent a while questioning- what helped you figure yourself out?

Well, I can't tell you how it gets figured out, since I'd still like to know that myself. But I know what you mean about constant questioning, little-kid crushes on boys, and then not knowing in what way you actually like them.

I guess all I can say is try things out. Like, don't give yourself any label. You could just say you're Not Straight and leave it at that, if you wanted. Also, where do you live? Not because I'm a stalker, but because maybe you would want to try experiencing things with girls, dating them, etc. if you live somewhere you could do that. You sound at the least like you're much more into girls, so go with that and just keep your mind open, but not obsessing.

 

What helped me was looking back on all the people I've had crushes on and how I felt before I started questioning though that my be hard for you as you've been questioning for a ling time. I think its fair too say your lesbian or bisexual as you've fallen for same sex friends, though it is up too you too decide.
I am still not completely sure of my orientation and I understand how confusing it can be.
also you don't feel pressured to put a label on yourself because everyone is different
Hope I helped in someway

 

I've been questioning for a long time and continually just convincing myself I was straight and going off into another empty relationship. I guess if there's one piece of advice I'd give to myself ages ago would be listen to your heart, how you feel. If you continually try and fit the molds others give you then you will never find out who you are. Sexuality and natural, just let it naturally come to you.

 

Wow, my situation was extremely similar to yours. I started questioning my sexuality at about 13 or 14 and I'm 22 now. I realized I definitely had feelings for girls about a few months before my 14th birthday, when I suddenly, almost out of nowhere, impulsively wanted to cuddle with my best friend and kiss her. I had a boyfriend or else I may have tried to.

What happened for me was that I started dating boys at about 13 when I was really confident that I liked men. And then I steadily would break up with them after about a year or two (most of my relationships lasted very long periods of time), and almost immediately another would come along. I was never looking, it just happened. And since there was always a boy in my life there was no room whatsoever to explore my feelings for girls, so I kept them suppressed until I was sixteen, and my boyfriend at the time encouraged me to kiss a mutual friend of ours, so I did, and I think my heart probably exploded, it was like the best thing I had ever felt at the time. From then on there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I had stronger feelings for women than I did for men. But somehow I just kept dating men.. until about last year when I had to finally stop lying to myself about how I felt and trying to cover it up and act like I was straight.

So to answer your question, it was the first time I kissed a girl that brought me out of the questioning stage. From then on I definitely knew it was something I wanted more of.

 

For me it was pretty simple. When I realized I liked having relations with men was when all the questioning stopped. It didn't sit well with me at first but I eventually became cool about it.

 

Honestly, I just developed a mindset of "I'm gonna do my own thing, despite what other people think. I'm living for me not them." With that mindset, I took a step back and realized that I only feign and interest in girls because that was the norm and I didn't want to be seen as weird. When I did that, everything became much clearer to me and it pretty much paved the way to where I an today.
Also, being able to picture myself in a relationship with a guy and it felt not weird at all, like nothing was missing or wrong with what I pictured.

 

I still question it all. To this day. When you have deep sleep dreams like mine, it's not easy. So I just go around and if someone looks good to me, I think "I wouldn't mind getting to know them" or "I could have sex with them." And I'm being honest.

I see you are 21. And that you've been questioning for several years. The questioning is stressful and it becomes less stressful when you question less and just throw up your hands and say "WTF." Many of the people here who are over 40 have been questioning for, who knows, about 25+ years. That's a quarter of a century! You're not on any schedule. It's whatever feels comfortable for you.