1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I need of some advice! Seriously

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Alexander69, Dec 3, 2013.

  1. Alexander69

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2012
    Messages:
    1,862
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    West Vancouver Canada
    Idk what's going on I think I'm bisexual, lately I've been having sexual thoughts of men and women and with all honesty I've been watching straight porn...... I had a date with a guy the other day and it felt awkward he was really attractive but really out with his sexuality and it made me feel uncomfortable when e hugged me in public. I've had this before but I've never been so confused.

    I'm scared to make a mistake to say I'm gay and not be happy but then to go with a woman and not be happy too. My friend said maybe I'm asexual. But I don't really know what that means. When I watch porn I'm tunrrd on but when the idea of sex with a person I'm with gets closer I get scared that I won't be able to get an erection or I won't enjoy it. Like is that normal? I'm so confused I've been crying now and shaking idk what's wrong with me.

    Maybe I was having a phase with hiring with guys, because when I think about it it makes me uncomfortable now. But when I think about being with girls I think we'll I could go in public and hold hands with no worries I could kiss her and no one would judge, my parents would be happy and I've noticed that when I see a really pretty girl I get turned on like I think OMG she so sexy I would love to kiss her and date her and things and I've bad crushes in Girls in my past. But lately this is getting more serious the thoughts because I'm getting closer with this guy but it doesn't feel right like I cringed at the thought of him kissing me and yes 2 guys turns me on but idk a girl seems to be turning me on now too again.

    I'm really confused to the point where I feel like I can't function. I thought maybe its just that he's not the right guy for me and that's why but when I started thinking I was like "ya ya that's it because Persian guys still turn me on" but then I think getting close to another guy like that I feel like I want to vomit...... I don't understand this feeling I actually feel like vomiting when I think if kissing a guy now, like I get infatuated and I'm like ya I would kiss him and in the heat of the moment I'm turned in and I love it but when I'm not hobby the idea of other Guys makes me sick....... Like literally I feel like vomiting.

    But when I think about kissing girls I mean it seems normal and like I could and I wouldn't feel "GUILTY" that's the word I always feel guilty after watching gay porn not after I watch straight porn and to answer the question that will be answered yes I watch the man in the straight porn but I also find my self watching the woman. And the idea of vagina used to gross me out but lately it's not..... But again I'm scared that when time comes I won't be able to get an erection like OMG help me someone, someone relate to me please and help me in bagging please!
     
  2. Randy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2012
    Messages:
    3,784
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Alexander,

    I really don't know what to say to answer your question in its entirety or how to say it, but what I will say is this: Being scared of sex with another human being is nothing to be ashamed about. I, too, am scared about doing sexual things with another man because of the stuff that you have mentioned in your post. What I mean to say is that, yes, it is normal and you should not be ashamed of it. I'm pretty sure that everyone gets scared of sex at some point, it's just normal.
     
  3. Data

    Data Guest

    You know, all I can say really is that for some people (like me) you know pretty strongly what you like and what you want in a relationship. I know that I want a guy and I don't want sex with a woman. That's fine.

    Others have a tough time seeing what they really want and it's pretty muddy water as far as their actual orientation because they can be aroused by many situations. Honestly, I can get aroused watching straight porn and I find women to be very pretty if they catch my eye in public. I just don't want to have sex with them. If you DO want sex with both men and women, that's bisexuality and there is nothing wrong with it.

    What you shouldn't do is try to force yourself into a box of what society and your parents approve of or what would make them happy. You'll outlive your parents, so their approval isn't something you'll need for your whole life.

    Asexuality is when a person isn't really interested in sex. So I think your friend might have gotten mixed up.

    For now, just take a deep breath and wipe your tears. It really isn't a big deal and it isn't something you need to figure out overnight. There are people on this site who have gotten married and had children before realizing they are actually gay. It happens.

    The performance anxiety is probably WAY more common then people tend think. I have the same fear and nervous thoughts about my first time. Straight or gay, everyone feels the same way. I haven't even kissed a person, and I am nervous about fucking that up when the time comes...Hahahaha

    Just go with the flow. We're just monkeys on a rock in a vast universe. In the grand scheme of things, life is too short to waste time being this upset over something like sexuality. :slight_smile: I hope you feel better.
     
  4. Incognito10

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2013
    Messages:
    805
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    East Coast, US.
    Do you think your reservations about guys are fueled by feared stigma? You mention a lot of ideas surrounding awkwardness in public and guilt after watching gay porn vs straight, so this may be a sign you need to reevaluate your views on self-acceptance.

    Also, just fyi, asexuality means you desire no sexual relationship with either sex, rather a mere romantic/emotional one. Asexual people do not desire a sexual relationship with people.
     
    #4 Incognito10, Dec 4, 2013
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2013
  5. hitgirl

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2013
    Messages:
    290
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Everyone makes mistakes in life, I'm afraid, no way to prevent it! And plenty of people regret sleeping with someone, whether they're gay, straight or bi. Just don't do anything you don't want to do, and don't make anybody else do anything they don't want to do, and you'll be fine. As for kissing guys and girls, no reason to regret that - if you do realise your orientation (or decide how to label it), so what if you experimented a bit first? So what if you kissed a girl then realised you were gay, or vice versa? Try to avoid getting married to the wrong gender, but a bit of a snog won't hurt anyone and even if you end up in a relationship with the "wrong gender" I'm sure they'll get over it.

    As for the whole sex thing, maybe wait until you're in love with someone (male or female). Not everyone is attracted to just "sex" with this or that person, sometimes you need an emotional connection with the other person before you want to have sex with them.

    Then take it slowly - if they're worthy of your love, they will be willing to take it slow and might even prefer it that way. By this I mean, don't just go from kissing straight to sex on the same day. Start with kissing on the first date (or whenever) and see what you feel like. When you're ready, move onto some over-the-clothes touching. On a later date, move under the clothes. Etc. etc. By the time you get to the point of sex, you will know if all this is getting you aroused. If you're partner wants to move faster than you do, just say, "Not yet... I want to take things slowly." Whoever wants to take it slowest should be setting the pace. It actually helps couples become closer too, or can do.

    Also, it's totally normal for guys not to be able to 'get it up' all of the time. Don't worry so much. Again, if you're partner is worthy of your love they will want you to feel good, not for you to be some performing sex robot.

    Hope this helps :slight_smile: