Well. Hi. I'm new, and I didn't think posting an introduction was necessary, so I went straight to here because I thought I'd need more help with my problem at the moment than anything. If you don't mind listening, give me a moment.. *Deep Breath* Alright, so basically, I'm gay. The biggest homosexual of them all. Like, I came out last year, and nobody knew I was gay. I kept it that close and shut. I never told anyone, and when I did, I felt like a free man. Like I was about to conquer the world. Oh dear, it was amazing. There was a satisfaction in my life, and my depression quickly dispersed after I came out. IT WAS GREAT. Except I never told my parents, but that's a whole 'nother story, so that'll come later. I'll even write something else at the end of this if you wish. But anyway, origin story aside, I haven't been in a relationship in ages, and I haven't had sex in three or four months. It's been a while. So you can basically say, I'm sexually frustrated I guess, or at least I'm trying to pin my problem on it. I really don't know, I seriously don't. After months of having sex every other day, I guess it was rather hard to change into a guy who didn't. It was hard for me considering it was a really bad break up and stuff.. OKAY, sidetracking again. A couple of weeks ago, I decided to hang out with this person named Devyn. Devyn is my best friend's ex. Devyn is a great person. Adorable, and fun to hang out with. So hanging out with Devyn was definitely something I had to hide from my best friend. After the break up, Devyn was incredibly stressed, so we decided to get a large bottle of Jameson whiskey, and down the bottle between the two of us in the same night. The problem is, I got super frisky, and we eventually got physical and we had sex. Rigorous sex. Now, here's the problem. Devyn happens to be a girl, and here I am, super conflicted with my sexuality and now I just had sex with my best friend's ex. It's super awkward, and I have no idea what to do with the situation, I guess. I have always considered myself a homosexual, a guy who sticks with men. But I was shitfaced and I don't know what to do, especially since everyone knows I'm gay. What do I do? My sexuality is-.. in crumbles. I don't know what I am.
How old are you, just out of curiosity? (Not gonna get all "OMG UNDERAGE DRINKING" but it does help to have a little framework, if you're high school, college aged, etc.) I wouldn't call what you did terrible, and I wouldn't say drinking makes you do things you would absolutely never ever do. (Though it does lower the social barriers you put up to prevent some actions... like sleeping with a best friend's ex!) I also think that restricting any experiences with the opposite sex just because you think you are 100% gay is just as bad as someone else restricting any experiences with the same sex because they think they are 100% straight. Feeling bad about what you did is the wrong thing, much like a straight guy doing things with another guy shouldn't feel bad. What you need to do now though, is have some SOBER interactions with Devyn. See how you feel when not liquored up on a half-bottle of Jameson! And definitely see how she feels about what happened. Are you wanting a relationship to spring up from this? Is she? Most importantly, don't change how you would act naturally just because you think you are a "men only" kind of person. It might have been an experimental "fluke" of sorts, or you might just be more of a Kinsey 5 than a Kinsey 6. You won't truly know or be able to understand who you are if you're not being completely honest. As far as the best friend's ex bit goes... well, that's always a sticky situation lol but being a bit older now, I honestly feel preventing yourself from having something with someone who is good/right for you, just because a friend dated them beforehand, is stupid. If your friend can't respect that this makes the both of you happy, then he needs to grow up. Making yourself miserable just so your friend has a slightly less grumpy face isn't how friendship is supposed to work.
Just graduated from High School last year ^_^. Woop woop. To be honest, I really don't know how I feel around Devyn. She's this really fuzzy and adorable person who I /love/ hugging and being around, but I never really imagined anything romantic. I did speak with her, but that didn't even come close to quell the emotions and confused-ness of the situation. Like I feel as if I'm ripping apart with the conflict I have. That's why I'm here, to be honest. The only time I spoke to her, was a day after. Where I had to talk to her, try to figure it out. But it still didn't do crap for me. I don't know. It's sort of killing me. But thank you, I guess I'll sit her down again and talk to her about it. Like an actual one talking about my feelings I guess. I mean, I wouldn't mind it, but I'm afraid I guess. I'm terrified of rejection, and I don't even know if she has feelings for me, which is half the reason I'm freaking out now. On my best friend's side, I'm just afraid of ruining the relationship between my best friend and I, you know. We've known each other for a long time, and while it hasn't been established as something that is condemned, being with each others ex, it just doesn't feel right in my eyes. I don't know. But thank you. I'll try.
Spitfire basically nailed it. Things happened, and possibly you aren't as gay as you originally thought. That's fine. I mean, it's easy to say that, and I know how confusing it can be, but if something makes you happy, without over-thinking it at all, then just go with it. It's definitely wise to talk to her about what happened and where things might go from here, and doing so might sort out your own feelings, too. Taking a chance with her might turn out better than expected, who knows? If you really possibly feel that way about each other, then I would hope your best friend can respect that, and that you would further discover yourself due to such an experience. As for talking to your best friend about it, only do it if you feel safe enough. I don't THINK you're obligated to tell him, really, but I will admit I'm not much of an expert there. But you definitely don't want to keep secrets from him either just because you're afraid of how he might react to what happened between you and his ex. In the end, he's responsible for how he feels and what he does. You just worry about yourself and where things might progress from here.
