So freaking confused. Please help!

First of all: sexuality is one of the most confusing things you will ever face. Everybody here on EC fighted with it or against it somehow in their begging.

Can I share with you something?
There are just 3 people that I know in real life and know my secret about being gay. And I'm just confortable to talk about hot girls with 2 of them. And there is the friends of mine that dont know about it: I act as a usual straight person around them. I talk about who is or not a hot guy, at the same time i dont think anything hot about them, they sure are pretty, but it's not what I want.
There are some times when I want to be as everybody else and just be straight. But I'm not, and, at these times, deep down I know that I would be unhappy if I forget about be gay and just follow the river.

As you said I cant say "you are gay" or "you are not gay", but I will guess you are not completely straight anyway.
In my beginning I felt everything you are feeling right now, and, as I told, sometime I still feel and it's like "am I really gay? isnt it just fantasy?". But I know it isnt, and you will, for sure, figure out what you need.

I expect you could find what you need in my words, if you dont, sorry. But I'm sure you will be fine when the initial confusion pass.

 

Hey, sounds like we're in pretty similar situations! I don't know if I can give you any good advice since I'm still trying to figure it out myself, but you're definitely not alone.

It's wonderful that you have support from people in your life, but you're right; it's definitely still frustrating and confusing when you can't make sense of your own feelings. I certainly also have those moments when I feel like I've got it figured out and I could practically burst into a rainbow of delight, but then I'll start questioning myself again and it feels awful.

I've started analyzing (and probably over-analyzing) every single thought and feeling I realize, which is probably not good for me, but I've made a couple helpful realizations in the past year. When I see a person I think is attractive, I'll start evaluating exactly why I feel that way. Is it purely aesthetic? Do I think this person has a nice style? Or do I want to hold hands with this person and fall asleep together, then wake up in the morning and make fun of how each other's hair sticks out at funny angles? It drives me crazy and I don't recommend it if you can find a better way to figure out your feelings.

If you find something that works better, let me know! I'm confused and frustrated too!

P.S. Family members (parents in particular) tend to have a habit of thinking they know you better than you know yourself. Sometimes they can objectively observe something that's difficult to see when you're wrapped up in your thoughts and feelings, but keep in mind that they don't know all the things you feel and it's easy for them to oversimplify.

 

I know how you feel. I am sort of in the same situation. One moment I can be so certain that I am gay and only like women, which feels great, cause as you said, the confusion is gone. But not much later I will feel guilty and I start thinking 'no, I can't be gay, what will everyone think?' and I will start looking at guys and when I don't find the idea of kissing a guy repulsive, I conclude that I could be with a guy and that I am just straight, but that feels just wrong. I know I am not straight and I am probably gay, but it is just so hard to accept it and so easy to question everything again. It's a constant battle in my head.

As for your mom, maybe she could sense something was on your mind and she just figured you might be gay? I shouldn't worry about her knowing your sexuality better than you do. You are the only one who knows how you feel.

I don't think I have any real advice for you, but I can tell you that for me it is (very) slowly getting easier to calm my thoughts down and to begin accepting it. How? I am not sure, I think it comes with time?
I hope you will figure it out soon!

Love,

 

At your age, confusion about life is totally normal. If you were straight you would probably still be confused about sexuality. It's just a part of maturing. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. It's great that your Mom is on board with your orientation. She can help you a great deal to navigate through the challenges that you face. Spend time with her, she loves you more than anything and she will help you through this.

 

Hey I think it's so hard to work out your sexuality because sexuality is something that should never have been given a label. It isn't black and white, feelings never are.
Have you ever said you were "happy", when something good happened? Were you completely 100% happy? Or were there a few minor annoyances in your life too? If you really explored all your feelings now, really dug deep can you think of one word to describe everything you're feeling? I'd like to meet someone that can. So why do we feel we have to put all our feelings about what's attractive to us, who we'd enjoy sex with, who we want to grow old with into one word?
I chose the "Lesbian" label, because it's the closest thing to what I am. I still find guys physically attractive, I don't find every guy repulsive just because im a Lesbian. But overall, my feelings for girls are SO much deeper than those for guys. I've met a girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with, that I'd do absolutely anything for (Only wish she felt the same :eusa_doh. I look back and realise that in high school all the proper crushes I had were on girls. So that's the one word I picked that is closest to how I feel.

I guess all I'm trying to say is you're never going to be 100% Gay, Straight or Bisexual. But one day you'll meet someone that it just feels "right" with, and that should help with all the confusion. Don't put pressure on yourself

 

First of all congats for confiding in your friends and your mom.
I could say we are going through similar situations but that wouldn't be true because on the other hand i am an introvert who is most likely never going to confide in anyone. Our situations are similar in that I've also felt conflicted with deciding my sexuality, going around acting as if I'm totally straight around other guys. By the way when you're a guy, guys never make it easy for you, you could simply be talking to a drop dead gorgeous girl and they'd question why you haven't yet "gone out" with her. With guys... upon introduction they'd investigate and analyse you, asking if you have a girl friend, why you don't have one and since you don't have one they'd ask, which girl you'd like to have.

Look, there's nothing wrong with you being attracted to pretty boys. All it means is that you just like the feminine side of people(both gender). Lets say for example there's this really boyish, burly and almost macho gay girl. To the point where this girl is even rough or has a rough nature. You probably would't be attracted to her.
Therefore, you being attracted to pretty boys means that there is a possibility that you wouldn't mind being in a relationship with one... not forgetting of course that you also wouldn't mind being in a relationship with a girl on the more feminine side.

Yes... its true no one can tell you which sexual orientation you are, you are the only on who can answer that.
Its a difficult and unfortunate thing for anyone who has to come to the cross roads of choosing or identifying their sexuality. There's a lot of confusion and stress that comes along with it... but listen (rather read lol), you can't go about your entire life being confused and stressed. I can't tell you to just forget about it... but you're going to have to do so. Its important for you to put aside you troubles so that you can pursue the more important things in you life.
We all have problems but, we all have to be a little bit tougher. I'm also in constant conflict and this did make me as miserable as you are too, but i chose that i wouldn't let this conflict drive my life. In my situation i decided to focus on the more important things in my life and i am happy

A practical example would be, imagine you had a child you where taking care of and you still had this conflict that's making you miserable. Tell me, would you rather focus on your misery or the baby you have?... this is what i mean by focus on the more important things. Please NOTE that I'm not saying go and get knocked up and have a baby. Just focus on something else in you life like school and what you want to become in life. Trust me you don't want to look back and wonder why you haven't achieved anything just because you had been miserable. So go ahead and become a doctor, an engineer... a scientist or whatever, the world needs more of those. You don't need a label to define who you are, at least not right now.

Hey look, point is... no matter which sex you end up with... a pretty boy type or a girly girl, what matters is that you'll be happy

It looks like you are worried that since you told your mom that you're gay, you can't turn out to like guys and bring home a pretty boy one day. I don't know, i might be wrong but remember what matters is your happiness.