Actually Interested in women or only because I'm picking up on their signals

Hey guys,

I wanted to run something past you all that has bothered me since last weekend. Just to give you abit of background on myself I identify as bi but still have doubts and that I may be gay. The confusion doesn't really bother me as I don't let that arugment play out in my head. I im taking more risks in real life to figure it out.

So at the weekend I was best man at my brothers wedding and I was paired with the brides cousin. I had met her months before the wedding and we got on fine, nothing to write home about really. But when it came to the wedding day I found myself becoming abit infatuated with her. Suddenly I was really nervous around her and just wanted to be around her all the time. No idea what to say to her. Knotts in my stomach which are still present at the minute as my mind darts back to her now and again. It was like being 15 again. Don't think it was any one thing, just from talking to her, which werent long conversations. Little glances I seen her make at me. She asked to be my friend on facebook (I know, hot stuff) but then found ourselves messaging at 1 in the morning cause neither of us could sleep.

So after a chat with my counsellor I ended up talking about the girls I had gone out with in the past and that I don't think I ever really went after the one I felt something for. I became interested in the ones that were interested in me first or asked out the ones I was expected to be attracted to. I have the fear of getting what I want in a relationship. So to break this pattern I thought what the hell and asked her out. Something I never do, I pine from a distance for weeks or months then do it. Forgotten how nerve wracking that can be as i've been in a relationship with a girl for the past 5 years. I broke up with her as I didnt know who I was and so I could freely explore. I have been on a date with a guy since we broke up but not seen anyone I'd be interested in since that. I made the choice to focus on men as thats the part I didn't know. So the sudden onset of this crush as thrown me abit.

Now when I asked her out it wasn't a complete train wreck. Nor was it my best work at seduction.lol. But in the end she said she was interested in someone else. I'm not touching that with a 50 foot pole as I would sit and over analyse that until time stops. I don't feel good cause rejection never does but at least I made a start at breaking my pattern. But it got me thinking about the pattern in general. I become interested in girls that I am friends with or in the case of the wedding girls I end up spending alot of time with. Its actually the case with one of my friends at the minute. We went to school together years ago, but we met up again funnily enough at a wedding. So I said lets go for a drink and catch up. Now by the end of that night we were flirting alot and I wanted to take her home with me and not for coffee, tea or a deep meaningful conversation. She has been sending me flirty texts recently but I am not going to do anything as it would ruin our friendship for one. Also she can be a pretty clingy girl when it comes to guys so even if we agreed on just having fun it would be a collusal train wreck for two.

But my question is this, if you've hung in this long i'm reaching my point. Did anyone who is now gay experience confusion like this and work out why it was happening? Or as usual could I just be overthinking this and carryon like I discussed with the counsellor? Meet new people and If i'm attracted to them be they male or female get to know them and ask them out. So break my pattern essentially.

If you've made it to the end your a legend and have my thanks for reading. Enjoy these dancing bananas as a small token of my appreciation.

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As a pattern of not going after who I want I've noticed it with women from my past and guys more recently. So my pineing from a distance is def a pattern I want to change. Sure you keep ur crush longer and ur safe from rejection but inevitably the misery sets in. Thanks fantastic mr fox.

Paranoid, yeah getting out there, especially with guys is what I'm working on doing more of. Your def right that it will help lift the fog of what ways a lean.

Thanks for the advice guys