New Here. Appreciate some help.

Ahoy! It's lovely to be here.

I promise to keep this as short as possible. I would greatly appreciate anyone willing to share their experiences or advice with me. :icon_bigg

I am not the type of person that likes to feel confused, uncertain, or to feel emotionally all over the place. It gives me a sense of internal whiplash and I hate feeling that way.

I just want to be certain of what it is I am. That is all.

Growing up, I had always loved boys, sexually, most definitely, emotionally, of course.

However, and this is where things began to throw me off and send me into a whirlwind of. "What the hell am I" so to speak.

Around my Freshman of high school, events led to where I became more open about everything in general. I felt like I became more free in many aspects of life, whether it be spiritual or philosophical. I also came to the point where I questioned my sexuality.

Long story, and many complicated feelings later I realized that I found women to be quite awesome as well. I realized that I was capable of an emotional and physical connection to a woman. These feelings almost for a long period of time became rapturous, I then began to realize that I may had been a lesbian. Almost like the fire I had for men greatly died down and so did the emotional pull.

It stayed that way for a period of time and I kept to myself that hey, I am a lesbian, and that's cool. (I never came out, which I am greatly happy about now. I also never had a hard time accepting it, it just never was a big deal, just a part of myself to embrace. I was scared about what people would think of me though, as a lot of people are.) However I felt sure at the time.

Then as of more recent, my feelings of men have come back, and when I talk about the feelings come back, I mean they really came back, and with a vengeance. It is a feeling of intense attraction, and I feel the craving to bond the men emotionally.

Thus came in my confusion. Thus came in me wanting to force myself to choose one side or the other because the feelings I held for women were still very much there as well and I knew this and I didn't want it to be this way. I just wanted to be gay or straight. I didn't want to fall in the in-between.

I guess deep down, I know now that trying to suppress ones feelings to have them fit the mold is insanely frustrating, stressful, and at the end of the day downright impossible. I have never had a problem accepting bisexuality in anyone else, but myself, and I didn't want to claim myself as anything ever again, even if it was internally and kept to myself unless I was absolutely sure.

As I said, I hate feeling lost, feeling confused, feeling like I don't fit.


I am now able to say I am bisexual, with certainty, there is no doubt anymore, no questioning, this for a fact now however I am struggling with it because I still have these standards for myself that I have to be one way or the other. I am uncomfortable with being that way, and perhaps I am simply fighting my own spirit's ability to be more free flowing whether than fixed. (Which there is nothing wrong with anyone who has a fixed orientation of course!)

I guess I want to ask, have any of you every felt as though despite who they are they just wished they could be a certain way to make things easier?

How have anyone with similar experiences come to terms with embracing being bisexual?

Has it gotten easier for you as time has gone by to just accept your ability to love either gender?

I guess I just need a bit of encouragement and advice and I figured this would be the place to go to.

Thanks a bunch for your help!