Okay, so I'm pretty close to turning fifteen and I haven't even had a crush on anyone. Recently, though, I've been wondering whether that's because I'm just not attracted to anyone or whether I'm not straight. I'm considering this because last year I discovered that I was kind-of attracted to a girl in my class, but I have NO idea what that even was. My question: how am I supposed to tell WHAT my sexuality is? I can't ask either of my parents because they're both devoutly Christian, and they're already worried about my "spiritual well-being" because of certain views I and my siblings have expressed. Any talk about even POSSIBLY being lesbian would just make my life even MORE difficult, so I need someone who's not biased about this. Is there anyone who's been through this? Is this normal?
It is perfectly normal. I went through that period too. It is mostly over now. You don't need to focus on your sexuality. The conclusion I eventually came to, with help, was I shouldn't focus on the labels. Just who I am attracted to individually, not group-ly. Oh, and Welcome to EC
I agree with the above 100%. When the time is right you will understand your sexuality better, don't rush into to labeling who you are without either time or experience. Follow your instincts and your heart, that's the best way to discover who you are. In the mean time, just try be happy with who you are, whatever sexuality that is doesn't matter, your so much more then just that. And don't feel outside pressure to be one thing or another, it's for you to know/decide in time. As for the other bit I was sort of the same.... I've never been all that attracted to people, a few girls I thought "She's nice, maybe I should ask her out" but it was never a strong enough interest to force me to act, then I started to have much stronger feelings for a guy... I don't know what it all means myself just yet, but I know in time I will figure it out, for now being "un-labeled" (confused, lol) is just fine by me.
:icon_sad::icon_sad::icon_sad::icon_sad:if you know who you fancy then its easy to tell your orientation. if you dont then you soon will. you could also try quizzes online about whether your a lesbian or not. i did that and i found some quite accurate ones. i myseflf fancies loads of boys in my first year of secondary school. i think i fancied so many because none of them felt right. iv settled for a girl now though(but shes straight;()
you sound just like me when i was 15. sorry your parents wouldn't accept you, but it is something a lot of people go through. just know that being yourself is the best gift you can give your parents weather they realize it or not. dont' be ashamed of who you are because theres nothing wrong with loving another girl if you are a girl.
@ anonomous: I've already tried that, but my situation appears to be unique to every quiz I've taken. All the answers are either, "I pretty much know what my sexuality is and I'm just taking this for fun," or, "I'm not attracted to guys/girls and I am attracted to girls/guys." My problem is that I'm not seriously attracted to either gender-I can't tell whether I'm actually into girls or whether I'm just fascinated with the IDEA of being lesbian. Still, thanks for the advice! I really appreciate it!
Coming from an atmosphere and home which is unfriendly like yours, i know how it feels to seek advice or acknowledgment from someone close. At your age i wished i had someone who could have been there for me when i was confused about my sexuality. True, you could go online and take a quiz or join a group like this one. Totally excluding anyone in your life from this trouble you're facing, but you should know that this time in your life comes with a lot of challenges that will leave you in a drastic state of depression. I don't mean to scare you... its just that knowing what i know now, I'd rather have told someone i was close to, rather than googling every question i had. Talk to someone who you know you can trust and if you're unsure of their trust, ask questions indirectly until you're certain you can trust the person you choose to talk to. (how do you ask questions indirectly?... you should check out my blogs under the title NO SEXUAL iDENTITY) I'd like to think you come from a big family and that you have relatives who you're close to and can talk to. I insist you talk to someone close to you because, i would never want anyone to go through all the hate, confusion, disappointment and regret i went through. Figuring out your sexuality can dictate a lot of thing in your life and you shouldn't allow it to do so. Regarding your questions: 1. Determining your sexuality?... I'm still trying to do that, this should show you that it takes time (I'm still trying to determine my sexuality because up to this day i haven't confronted anyone about my confusion towards my sexuality... the atmosphere i come from, is not the right place to have such kind of thoughts. Also I'm an introvert, so that doesn't help anything.) 2. Is this normal?... yes, absolutely normal
Thank you! I really appreciate your advice. =) As to following through-that's going to be more difficult. Finding someone I trust is somewhat difficult. I've been considering telling one of my best friends at school, but I have to reasons that give me pause: One, I haven't really known her for that long; two, she can tend to be a bit inappropriate and I don't want to have the kind of reaction I've sometimes seen her have to gay people. She's not rude or anything, but she just has normal conversations from across the table, and I want to keep my friendship at the level of confidentiality it's at now. The only option within my own family is my older brother; we've had conversations about the same general topic (lesbians, not me) and he has nothing against homosexuals as a whole. It's just that I like our relationship where it is, and I don't know what talking about this would do. I can see the sense in your advice, and I'm planning to carry it out... it'll just take a while. =(
