Hey there, So I've been searching online for advice, but I can't seem to find anything. A google search for LGBT advice brought me here, so maybe I could ask a question and possibly some people could share their stories? So here's the deal... I came out as gay in high school when I was 15 (about 7 or 8 years ago). Now 15 is a confusing age, especially for lgbt teens, I'm sure we can all agree. Since I was 12/13, I had been coming to terms with the fact that I was interested in guys. Thing s, I'm also interested in girls, always have been. But when you're that age, with no bisexual role models or personalities in TV or films, you pretty much assume 'liking guys = gay'. So I accidentally came out as gay before I had really come to terms with my actual sexuality. Shortly after coming out, I ended up in a relationship with a guy. I won't go off on a tangent, but it wasn't a healthy relationship at all. He was controlling, manipulative, incredibly unsupportive, would often undermine and mock me in front of people, threatened to self-harm/commit suicide if I left him, he was even physically abusive at times. There were points in the relationship where I couldn't last a week without new bruises. He was also incredibly biphobic, telling me on numerous occasions he'd never go out with a bisexual, didn't trust bisexuals, etc. There was actually one occasion when he found some straight porn on my PC which didn't go well. He threatened to smash my laptop, started throwing things, shouting and screaming, hitting me, etc. I lied and told him it must have been a friend who borrowed my laptop and he eventually calmed down. Anyway, this relationship lasted five years, and we eventually broke up. I didn't even realise it was an abusive relationship until a few months later... Anyway, this is beside the point. Since then, I've gone out with one other guy and had a bit of a fling with a girl which none of my friends/family know about. Long story short, I mistakenly came out as gay 8 years ago at a confusing and difficult time in life. Everyone I know, and everyone I've met since high school knows me as gay. I feel like being gay has become part of who I am, part of my identity, but I know that I've been lying to everyone for years. The more time has passed, the more people I've met who now know me as gay, the more difficult it has been to 'come out' as bi. Has anyone else been through anything similar? Please share your experiences, and if you've actually 'come out' as bi later in life after having identified as gay/lesbian. Thanks! I'm not sure if this is in the right forum btw, if not then I do apologise!
Hmm the closest to this for me was that I came out to a bunch of friends as "questioning" and then one of my friends starting telling everyone I was gay. They were slightly surprised when I came back to school in the fall with a girlfriend, but they were all OK with it haha. I'm curious whether you feel like you're approximately equally attracted to guys and girls. For some people, myself included, that feels like a stupid question (how exactly do you compare?) but if you feel like you're attracted to guys and girls differently that could be an easy way to explain this to people you know. Especially if the "fling" with the girl you had helped you understand that in some way. Not to put words in your mouth, but maybe those seem true for you they would be some possible ways to kind of break the ice into that conversation?
