Hello, I'm a 14 year old girl going on to 15 and in dire need of some advice/help. (This is going to be kinda long, but please stick with me. I need your help. And yes, the title is a reference to the Beatles song.) I think I might be bisexual. Woah, :eek: shocker - not like you guys see this statement everyday. No, seriously. Um, about two years ago I realized that the thought of kissing some girls didn't gross me out. Now mind you I don't feel as if I'm going to throw myself onto just any old girl, it's the same way it is with guys to me: I got to find them attractive. (Yes, I undoubtedly like men.) But I've been cornered with two conflicting thoughts: 1.) I'm going to marry a man one day and have children. 2.) I think I might like girls, too. About a year ago there was this HUGE deal involving me and my family - everyone thought I was a lesbian. Partially because I'd never really talked openly about boys, out of embarrasment over anything else, really. But also because my father had gotten me a laptop the year before and found out something that is kinda mortifying. Once I looked up pictures of both males and females - naked. Basically porn, but only once because I was curious and confused. Well, let me tell you this. My father was ticked as all get out (more because I deleted the history --- which any sane teenager would do, I think) but he kept telling me that he accepted me as I was and would always love me. My mother said the same as well, but mind you she was born to a strict "No-gay, no-way" father, which saddens me, so whenever she thought about it I think it was a little difficult for her to say "okay." But she did, because she loves me, I suppose. My step-dad just gave me a hug and said "I love you, Sprout." (Which probably warmed my heart the most. (My real Father is abusive, and I've always considered my Step Dad, or Poppy, as my REAL Dad.) Anyways, it was a ginormous deal - everybody went crazy. "Are you a lesbian?" "I would have known if you were a lesbian, I've been by your side since you were born!" "I'm kind of uncomfortable around you now." "I think you're confused." "You looked up porn?" But I wasn't, and I'm not -- in terms of being a lesbian that is. I know I'm not, because I am STILL attracted to boys. So, lesbian is ruled out. Anyways, I told them repeatedly "No, I'm not a lesbian." But then I back-pedaled "Things can change though, I don't know where I'll be in twenty years. And I don't think I really know until I kiss a girl or something." Eventually it all blew over and everybody's forgotten about it, not without giving me three months of heartache and confusion, though! SO, I think I'll be kissing a girl sometime in the distant future - just to test things out - maybe. I know in my heart I'm not a lesbian, I know in my heart that I like guys, but... I like girls too, I think. It's confusing, but I think it's a matter of admitting something to myself more then anything else... I haven't kissed a girl, I haven't kissed a boy. I've thought of them both, and both of them I find myself attracted to. I think I'm in denial, I just... I just don't know. I guess I'm looking for a concrete answer - is there any specific way that you DO know? How can I know? Help, I have fallen into a pit of confusion and I cannot get up! For these past two years I think that the thought of myself being bisexual is something that I have continuously pushed down and out of my mind, consciously or not. My heart rate speeds up when I think about it/telling somebody about it. It. Is. Insane. I feel like a doofus. Send Help. :help: If I'm being honest with myself I'll say this: I have had crush-like feelings for a couple of girls throughout the years. Or at least I think they are. I don't know, feelings of where if I put myself in a situation of them kissing me I'd probably kiss back. But not just anybody, only certain girls at my school or in the media I find attractive. (Really, that alone should be enough to answer my own question.) Still...:eusa_doh: The only person I've ever known to be bisexual, and that was a girl, that I could talk to was a girl who went to my school last year. But, umm... she made me really uncomfortable. Not because she was bisexual, I think, but because she's just not my type and kinda freaks me out a little bit to be honest. I feel so naive asking this, but does that mean I'm not? I mean, I suppose just like with being a straight person - you're not going to kiss every guy/girl you meet. It's the same for bisexuality, I guess. Anyways, she came on to me really hard. She would say really vulgar, pornographic things to me - which set me off. She'd, no lie, take off her shirt in the middle of PE and ask me how I liked her new bra. Every day. I'm not sure what surprised me more, that she had a different bra for every day of the school year or that she was so, so... pressuring and... just filthy. Once she :icon_sad: put her hand in my pockets and said quote:"I'm in your pants, how does that feel?":unquote. That freaked me out, and as my first experience with anybody bisexual it probably wasn't a good one. She did things like that every day, and I just never had the guts to tell her to back off. Which is a sham, you know. Because I'm the bravest person I know and I couldn't tell a girl who was making me uncomfortable to lay it easy because I was having second-thoughts about my sexuality and she was making it worse rather then helping it. No offence to her, but maybe if she was one of those girls who I don't think I'd mind kissing it wouldn't have been as awkward. It still would have been weird, but I probably wouldn't have gotten as scared as I did. (She terrified me, like, I've actually grown a fear of her that she'd do something.) Have you ever heard the Green Day song "Coming Clean"? The main singer wrote it about him telling his parents that he was bisexual when he was 17. It's been my favorite Green Day song for a long time... I'm not repressing my sexuality because I'm ashamed of it. Because you know, despite being a Christian and stuff I believe we have soul-mates, not soul-genders. Ya, know. Also, if I due come to terms with whether or not I'm bisexual, any tips for coming out? In a short summary of this incredibly long and detailed "eh" I guess this is what I'd say: I think I'm bisexual. If I am, my parents will accept me -- which is good. I think I am, but I've just been repressing it out of some sort of fear. (Would like a second opinion, please.) Help. Haha, thank you for reading if you got this far. Please respond, and I thank you in advance. Happy Holidays, Dolly
That was a fun read Before I say anything else, just imagine that bi girl had been a random guy you didn't like, would that make you question if you were really straight? As you said you don't have to like EVERY girl to be bi-sexual, heck you could just like the one girl EVER and it would still count. At the moment you seem to be in a position where at the very least you want to test the theory. The problem is that from what you've said, that is all it sounds like. You got this idea and now you want to test it to find out. Now if you go and find a girl you don't really like and kiss her, you'll get nothing. You probably won't enjoy it, but does it mean you're not bi? Who knows, the experiment doesn't mean anything. If you find a girl you think you really like and kissed her, then it would work. Don't try and experiment to prove a point, experiment because you want to be with the person! Are you repressing it? Not especially. After all you're here asking about it, you're considering your options, sounds like you're embracing the idea. The only bit that worries me is this: "1.) I'm going to marry a man one day and have children." Now fair enough, you may well do that, but that thought is going to destroy any chance of a meaningful relationship with a girl, even if you really want it. You could find the PERFECT girl and that thought will wreck it. As for coming out, your parents seem cool with it which is great, so coming out shouldn't be the hardest thing ever, but when you feel you need to do so (if you feel you need to) we can help with it!
I have to answer this, just because you mentioned Green Day, and a song I particularly like. In honor of that, I also have to tell you to listen to "Right to Choose" by Anti-Flag and "Make It Stop (September's Children)" by Rise Against. Maybe not so relevant, because they are about people not being accepted, but still. Anyway. On to what you were actually talking about. So. What I got from your post was that you have reason to think you're bisexual, but you're not sure of it and what it would mean, since you still like guys. What I can say is that you don't sound like you're in denial; you've got your options out and just don't know which is the true one. It sounds also like your attraction to girls is kind of tentative, and probably if you give it some time, things will become clearer. I don't think you should have to feel panicked about possibly being bi (which was one sentiment I got from part of the post) because a) you've got a support network, however awkwardly you came to discover that, and b) bisexual would not narrow your options or shake the foundations of your life--you still like guys; you just have broader horizons than that. Also, I don't think you should weigh what happened with that bisexual girl too heavily. It does sound a bit unnerving. I actually know someone who had a bisexual friend who also tried coming on to her in kind of similar ways, etc. It does seem possible that maybe in the past you had repressed it, you think? Although I think it's just as likely that you weren't repressing it, per se, as much as not really being aware of it. I remember when I was in fourth grade, I saw a magazine with an article on bisexual celebrities. And I was like, "oh, bisexual, that's what I am." I don't know that I had any idea what it meant, I just...associated with it? It wasn't until a few years later that the thought came back to me in earnest. Cue Time of Questioning. For the bit about maybe liking girls, and still expecting to marry a man and have kids--they don't have to be polar opposites. For all anyone knows, you might end up with a woman--or not. You might have any possible combination of futures. But reading that made me think of this article I read a while ago, about this woman who's married to a man, but is still bisexual--it's not necessarily choosing one over the other, or having loving men triumph over loving women. It's just whoever you end up loving. Etc. This is the link to the article. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/28/fashion/yes-i-really-am-bisexual-deal-with-it.html?_r=0 I don't think there is any specific way you "just know"--if there was, someone would bottle it and sell it and skyrocket into the top 1 percent. I think the only thing that helps you clarify is time, experience, and a calm frame of mind, like "whatever happens, it's fine and it isn't concrete--I can move in any direction I feel like and live my life on whatever path feels right." And you aren't committed to one path--it's not like a permanent branding you're giving yourself if you do take up an identity like bisexual. Hopefully you figure this out--it's not something to decide in a day; I did a lot of seesawing (still do) over this stuff. But live and let live, learn and enjoy. Etc. By the way, I think you have good taste in music.
I really like how you put that. I may or may not steal that. Anyway - There's a scale of sexuality called the Kinsey Scale. You have varying degrees of sexuality. Completely hetero is 0, completely homo is 6, and equally hetero and homo is 3 (like me). There's also a thing where a person can be homo-romantic, where some one is sexually attracted to the opposite sex, but romantically drawn to the same, and vice versa. Sexuality is not black and white; in fact, far from it. Even bisexuality is complicated in some cases. See, I'm not very good at providing advice, but I can provide more information for you to read up on if you wish. For some advice on coming out you can go to that link. Here's an interesting article on sexual repression that you may find useful. There's a website that claims that you can take a test to determine your sexuality, but the Kinsey Scale is mostly a tool for (for lack of a better word) self-diagnosis, or, rather, self-evaluation. If you want more than a measly Wiki article on the Kinsey Scale, check out this site. (I'm done with links, I promise! :lol Like I said, I'm not that great with advice, but I wish you luck
