I came out as a lesbian about 6 months ago. I was absolutely positive. But my biggest fear was that I had no idea what I actually wanted and that I was just straight and had confused myself. But I came out and have been out to everyone ever since. Yet, for the past week and a half I have been an anxious questioning mess. It started when I was with some friends and jokingly turned away from the TV screen when a naked man walked on. Made a joke about not wanting to see a dick because i'm a lesbian. Looking back I probably should have censored that one haha. :eusa_doh: They both were quite defensive and started saying that naked bodies are just naked bodies and how can I say I don't like one body part and that there are women with dicks and that I was being small minded and exclusionary. To which I apologized and they continued with their movie. I feel terrible about it and never want to say anything that could possibly invalidate someone or their experiences. But it has sent me into a questioning spree again. Now I cant stop wondering what the actual difference between men and women is then? Since both men and women can be both masculine and feminine (or not be in the gender binary at all) and now finding specific body parts unappealing is being exclusionary then am I actually a lesbian? Did I come out and actually not know what I was? Is there even such a thing as a lesbian then? And now I am terrified that I might actually not be gay at all. I know I am probably over-thinking this. But now I am going over every girl I thought I had a crush on, every date i've been on, and everything I have thought about women for years and am trying to figure it out. I can't even see a picture of a girl now without analyzing whether or not I'm attracted to her or if I just think she's beautiful, or if I actually know what it means to be attracted to anyone at all and what that means. Or if i actually know what it means to be gay. If i just thought I was gay off of some small minded idea and have now completely messed up. I know I sound crazy, and maybe I am. I guess I was just wondering how you knew for sure you were whatever you identify as? Because this has gotten really confusing and I feel like it shouldn't be. :help:
Yeah you are WAAAAY over thinking it. As much as I hate to say it (and I really do because it SUCKS) you don't HAVE to like trans-girls (or as your friend calls us 'women with dicks') to be a lesbian. I mean there are always going to be parts of people you don't like, and on us, it's our penises. There's nothing wrong with that...some people really don't like penises, who is your friend to tell you there is something wrong with that.
