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I want to be Straight.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Del Rey, Dec 14, 2013.

  1. Del Rey

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    Age 4, I started becoming curious about women. Ever since I've struggled with my sexuality and currently identify as Straight but know that's not what I feel inside. But it's what I want to be!

    I'm a Christian, born and raised. I was taught about being a Homosexual and the penalty. It haunts me inside. What do you do when you feel born this way but wish to be another?

    Also, I'm currently in a Heterosexual relationship. Is it fair to them to go on feeling how I do behind their back?
     
    #1 Del Rey, Dec 14, 2013
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2013
  2. BookDragon

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    "I'm a Christian, born and raised. I was taught about being a Homosexual and the penalty."

    Then you were taught wrong. Why follow the teachings of a guy whose whole attitude was LOVE EVERYONE and then get slammed for loving someone?

    You find me ONE passage in the bible that says Jesus hated on this guy because he didn't like some aspect of him. ANY aspect of him.
     
  3. Del Rey

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    I don't understand it either! But when I ask the Church they say you're not supposed to. "It's God's word and you're supposed to obey it." That's all they tell me. No answers. I feel so torn inside. There's this constant unatural feeling to who I am because I know I'm not being honest with myself by not acting on what I feel.
     
  4. BookDragon

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    Yeah, but it isn't though. Christianity is supposed to follow the teachings of Christ, yet all these complaints come from the old testament, otherwise known as 'all the stuff that happened BEFORE Jesus'. New testament is completely different. Forgiveness and love and generally being a decent person is the name of the game for Jesus!

    This is one of those times when you have to look outside your church for guidance, because in the end, the people in your church are no better qualified to tell you how god feels than you are or I am. Hell even the pope had no problem with it, and he's the head of the catholic church, and their historical stance on homosexuality has NOT been good...
     
  5. Etak

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  6. Del Rey

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    I just, stopped and went to my Mom. She works at a Church and is very Religious. She shared with me that the reason why I cannot be a lesbian is because it is a constant sin in God's eyes. So, I'd be defying him. Now I feel just awful.
     
  7. BookDragon

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    Then your mum is wrong too. I'm sorry but she is. Actually, no, I'm not sorry, your mum should be sorry.

    Firstly, God is supposed to be all about forgiveness. I don't know what is supposed to have happened between the old testament god that people like your mum seem to quote all the time was around and the new testament god, maybe having a son calmed him down, who knows, but there is NOTHING, read that NOT A DAMNED THING after the birth of christ that suggests it is wrong.

    What is the point of your mum calling herself a christian if she ignores even the most basic of christ's teachings?

    Most importantly, and this is something I really desperately want you to understand and to take to heart.

    Your relationship with God is completely and entirely personal. It has NOTHING to do with your mother, your church, your friends, your family, me, the internet, the pope, your pastor or any other person in the world. It is between you and him. Your mum is not God. She doesn't know what God thinks or feels. She has no right to tell you it either.

    Jesus taught that all good people would enter heaven and fine peace with God. He taught that you should not cause harm to others, proper malicious harm. YOU are not causing harm by being a lesbian. People are finding fault were there is none, they become offended and 'hurt' for reasons they don't understand and have never questioned. If you are a good person, the gender of the people you love won't make the least bit of difference. No matter what your mum says.
     
  8. Tintagel

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    It's very unfair to everyone in the situation. I'm not a Christian, but I know there are Christians out there who do not hate homosexuality.

    If you want to live a happy life, you have to be true to yourself (as long as you aren't hurting anyone/being destructive, which you aren't, in your case).

    You should really heed Ellia's words.
     
  9. Commenza

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    God doesn't hate people for loving someone. The church needs to learn that. If God hates anyone, then it's the people who mistreat other people, nature or animals. Discriminating against people because of something they were born with (and therefore can't change) is definitely not what God wants. It's like discriminating against left-handed or black people.

    I agree with ElliaOtaku. Your relationship to God is completely personal. You can find to God without the church, a pastor or your mother. The church is only the church... people like you and me. None of them knows better about God than you or me do.

    I know what you mean, wanting to be straight. Being straight is "normal". But exactly what is normal? No one is normal. Everyone is different.

    I bet that many, if not most homosexuals/bisexuals etc. wanted to be straight at one point. I wanted to be straight as well. But believe me, things will get better over time. I used to be disgusted at the thought of liking women. Now, I'm happy with who I am. It took me several months to come this far. It might take longer/shorter depening on the person.

    Also, read this: Empty Closets - Stages of Coming Out

    Anyway, I hope, things are going to brighten up for you. A counselor might help you accept your sexuality if nothing else works. Or if you ever feel like talking, you can send me a message too! :slight_smile:
     
  10. Anonymous

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    Join a United Church. I'm not Christian, but my cousin is, and that's what he did when he came out.
     
  11. Chip

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    Hi, and welcome to EC.

    FIrst, I understand your dilemma and the challenge you feel with holding Christian beliefs, on the one hand, and being who you authentically are (attracted to women) on the other.

    I have a couple of thoughts:

    First, God created you perfectly in His image. If you are attracted to women, which it seems there's no question you are, that is how God created you. and He doesn't make mistakes. If you think about it, it simply makes no sense that He would create you this way, with these attractions and feelings, and then tell you that to act on the feelings and attractions that He instilled you with would be to defy him. If you truly read and view the Bible in the way it was intended to be viewed. God is a loving and merciful deity who cares deeply about you and wants you to be who you are.

    Unfortunately, that message has been distorted and perverted over the centuries, usually by people seeking to control others and hold them to standards that are not in keeping with God's word.

    There are three excellent videos on these topics.

    The first is a scholarly discussion/examination of the Bible that refutes the idea that it condemns homosexuals. It's about an hour long, and the guy who made it is a Harvard student who spent several years researching and studying. He's singlehandedly changed the views of many higher-ups in churches throughout the world. His name is Matthew Vines, and you can find his video on Youtube.

    The second is a documentary, "For The Bible Tells Me So", which is also, I'm pretty sure, available on Youtube.

    The third is a movie, "Prayers for Bobby", which is based on a true story about a deeply religious woman whose son was gay, and killed himself because he did not feel that God could love him. She went on a quest to understand his death, and her beliefs. It is a powerful film, and the real-life mother went on to be one of the foremost spokespeople and advocates for PFLAG, the Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.

    I hope you'll look through these resources and use them to inform your view. There are many churches that are welcoming and embracing of LGBT people and you can find one of those to attend if you choose. Whether and how quickly your mother will come around is a situation that no one can answer. My guess is that once she realizes that simply ignoring it or "praying it away" doesn't work, she'll begin to process how to align her values with who you are. You may have to be patient.

    In the meantime, the EC community is a powerful ally and support source for you, and all of us are here to help you.
     
  12. Rainbow Music

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    Read this book called What the Bible Really says about Homosexuality by Daniel A. Helminiak and The God Box by Alex Sanchez I'd also like you to look into finding an Affirming Church. They are churches who accept everybody, whether they're black, white, gay, straight, pink, purple, curved whatever. They don't care who you are, or what you are, or who you love, or what you love. They know that we are all God's children, and that He loves us all no matter what.
     
  13. zelos11

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    W! LONG READ !W
    (skip to bottom part for conclusion)

    I rushed to the reply section after reading a few of the top posts, because this is a dilemma that interests me alot, so sorry if i posted similiar to anyone.
    First of, Im a proud Atheist living in a christian country, but the kind of atheist that respects and encourages that everyones entitled to their faith. The kind who refuses to believe untill prooved wrong or convinced (the latter is highly unlikely) but still, i think religion is one of the most interesting parts of human history, and has shaped our way of life, for better and worse.
    Next, on the whole homosexual part, i cant really relate to it, becus i havent started figuring out my real sexuality yet, though not due to any kind of pressure, but by own choice (age 21 male). I described myself because i felt its important to my post, but this isnt about me :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Anyway, this subject is rapidly improving across the world (compared to just a few years ago). Im active in debates for gay marriage weekly, As im at a centerpoint here. At one hand i want (and hope) that anyone can wed their beloved anywhere, no matter what sex they are or have been. At the other hand, the christian priests and devoted followers have been thaught this is a sin for centuries, and shaking of teachings of what i assume was called a sin of the worst kind in the eyes of the Vaticane around the time it was included.
    (YES I AM CONVINCED this particular sin found its way into the Bible in one of the late rewrites) Im guessing around year 1300AD-1500AD as prior to this, it was crucial for survival to raise a family with many children and a wife/husband so you needed a wife/husband, love was most likely a minor factor in marriage) Also all other sexualities than straight was usually well kept secrets, and most widespread amongst the richest and most powerfull, who not even the church dared accuse of defying scripture.

    Some might say you should find a more including community, but i get its easier said than done if your family/friends are devoted to that church.
    I wont tell you to discard your beliefs, but i would urge you to focus on making yourself happy by beeing the person you really are, as well as honoring the values of your religion.
    My opinion (not advice, follow your own heart) Is that most, (or many at least) religious people will ignore one or more teachings or commandments from each of their own respective holy scripts, either only once a lifetime, on pretedermined occasion, or ignore it completely their whole lives because it clashes with the persons moral or personal values. Im certain all of these devoted people died happily and free of regret. Im sure many in the GLB community condems hiding, and i agree, very much soo, but i really dont see an option here. But please dont misunderstand, you shouldnt hide from the public, just do the "wrong thing" and keep the truth from your priests. And refraining from telling something, if no one asks, is NOT lying! (So you wont brake a Commandment, im aware they are kinda big deal) Really, its not lying. Ask anyone.
    What im saying is that if you choose to devote your life to your religion, but at the same time live happily with someone that loves you as much as you do them no matter who it is, then if you guys in fact ARE right and there is a Heaven, I am absolutely certain that both you and your partner would be met with open gates and showered with uncompromized love from your god as a reward for your lifetime of praising him and keeping his legacy alive!
     
    #13 zelos11, Dec 14, 2013
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2013