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Catholic, teenage lesbian?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by 123d, Dec 14, 2013.

  1. 123d

    Regular Member

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    I really need some advice.
    My whole life, I thought I was straight. I never dreamed that I would even be asking myself this question. Growing up in a Catholic surrounding, I didn't even know what being gay was until age 11, when my friend and I watched a TV show with a gay man on it.
    But recently, me and one of my (bisexual) friends got closer, and I fell for her. It's stronger than I've ever felt before, and I was blown away by it. She is perfect in my mind and it made me analyse ever single thing I did. Whether I looked at the guy or girl during sex scenes, who I check out more on the street, or when I'm talking to a guy or a girl, who I'm more comfortable with. Before this, I have had crushes on guys, but I never did anything about it or even particularly enjoyed talking to them, and I can't help but feel that it was just wishful thinking. Every time I see her she makes me smile and I get butterflies whenever she does something cute. When I was maybe 13 or 14 I remember that I would enjoy looking at pictures of women to get myself off and recently can't even imagine myself being in a relationship with a man. I've also had crushes on girls before but never thought of them as crushes, I thought it was normal to want to be with someone 24/7 and love everything about them and have my insides freeze up when I talked to them.
    I know now that I'm not straight, but even writing that makes me cringe and wonder whether I'm just making it up for attention or to make my, pretty good, life more interesting.
    Another friend of mine recently told me about her short story she's writing for English. It's about this girl who falls in love with another girl who isn't out and hates herself for being in a relationship with a girl. It ends by her slapping the not-out-girl and then a flash forward by ten years and they're both with guys who they don't love. She told me about this in class and I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach and I thought I was going to burst into tears there and then.
    My parents wouldn't accept me. My mum is strongly catholic and even though my dad isn't I still don't think he would like it. I just need some advice from someone friendly.
    I've told three of my friends but only actually used the words "I'm gay" to one of them and spent the next day curled up in a ball in bed trying not to think about it.
    They've all been really great about it but I don't know what to do.
    After all, I'm only 15 and it might just be a phase.
    I just really need someone to tell me what will help.
    Thank you x
     
  2. thisisawug

    Regular Member

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    Although I don't come from a Catholic background, I can absolutely relate to what you're saying. It feels like every time I manage to feel certain about my sexuality, I suddenly start trying to second-guess myself, and wonder whether it's just a phase, or whether I've made up the entire thing to, as you say, make my life more interesting.

    I think the thing to hold onto, is that there are plenty of reasons to suggest that you aren't heterosexual, and there are moments when you feel sure of that. Also, it's great that your friends have been supportive (and congratulations on coming out to them), and that might help you to gradually feel more sure of yourself. It's difficult but I think we have to believe that things will get better and you will feel more comfortable with it.

    I realise that's quite a passive thing to do but I guess there isn't really anything you can do to actively take control of your sexuality. Something that has helped me is spending time on EC (woop woop), whether it's posting things or making friends or just reading other people's posts. That feeling of being part of a community has really helped me to be more comfortable about my sexuality.

    I'm probably not the best person to give advice on stuff to do with religion as I don't come from a religious background, but I would say that if you're still feeling in doubt, then avoid coming out to anyone who you think would have a negative reaction. Because if they don't believe you, or try to change you, or make you feel like you're doing something wrong, then that might set you back a long way.

    And of course, it might just be a phase. But I think the best advice I can give is just to trust that it will get better and one day everything will seem much clearer, avoid involving people who might react negatively (even thought it sometimes feels horrible hiding it from people), and accept that you're going to feel unsure for a while and you're going to have these feelings of doubt, but that eventually everything will be clear to you, whether you turn out to be straight, gay or somewhere in between, and it will seem ridiculous that you ever questioned it.

    Hope this helps you (*hug*) and good luck x
     
  3. tatamg

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I feel like I basically just read a biography of my own life, and although I'm sure our situations aren't exactly the same, I hope I can help at least a little bit. I grew up Catholic too, discovered homosexuality at 10, fell for my best friend at 14, and from then on it was basically clear to me I wasn't straight. It takes a while to come to terms with everything, but it's totally worth it.

    I think the most important thing is for you to expose yourself to more gay culture. Coming from a very religious background gives homosexuality a negative connotation that takes quite a while to erase. Watch gay movies, read gay books, gay articles, etc. Feel free to message me asking for recommendations, I've got plenty. :wink: The more being a lesbian seems normal to you, the easier your life will be. Even if it turns out you're bi, straight, or whatever else, being open to everything opens lots of doors. Get to the point where you can say "If it turns out I'm a lesbian, I'm okay with that."

    Once you believe that not being straight is just as awesome and legitimate as being straight, slow down a little. Being hyper-sensitive to every detail around you will just frustrate you and put you on edge. Figuring out what you identify as will take months, if not years (I know, it sucks). So try to be as patient as you can, and follow your instincts. Don't be afraid to change your mind a couple of thousand times. I know I cycled through identifying as gay, bi, and straight many many times before I completely felt at home as a lesbian. It's natural and I promise it'll lead somewhere eventually.

    On the subject of your parents, don't say anything until you're 100% sure. One thing you can do before then though is scope out the situation. Ask them what they think about homosexuality, whether they think gay marriage should be legal, if they think it's a choice, etc. It'll help a lot.
    Message me if you have any questions or need more advice. :kiss:
     
  4. sweetiepi

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I'm sorry that your parents won't accept you dear. Just remember there's nothing wrong with love, weather its with the opposite sex or the same sex.