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Lesbian with an attraction to men whilst drunk? Advice or similar experiences?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by jbr11, Dec 14, 2013.

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  1. jbr11

    jbr11
    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Hi there, I'm new signing up to this site, but it's helped me loads in the past!

    I've recently come out as gay and most of my friends and family have been supportive which is great. Only issue I have is a slight confusion. I'm attracted to women and have been for a while. I've had relationships in the past with women and I could never see myself with a man, or sexually active with one!

    The problem I have is when I drink, I tend to kiss men. I rarely go to gay clubs as most of my friends are straight males, but I know it'd be a different situation if i did. I'm just confused as to when I am sober i couldn't imagine myself kissing a man, but when i get a few drinks inside me, I don't mind. It's not just at clubs but with male friends too. I enjoy it at the time, and it never leads to anything more but i always regret it after and feel ashamed.
    I'm worried that my friends/family won't/don't take my sexuality seriously because of it. I wouldn't class myself as bisexual because when I'm sober I'm very much gay :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I'm not one for labels but I understand in society atm people do like to pigeon hole unfortunately and it sucks!

    Any advice/similar experiences? Like I said i'm new so I'm sorry if this post seems a bit silly or small in comparison to others problems >_<

    Thanks <3
     
    #1 jbr11, Dec 14, 2013
  2. lafemmenoir

    lafemmenoir
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    Hey there! :slight_smile: Welcome back...

    I can relate to this on some level. I've had a few nights where I got drunk and made out with a random guy with no intentions of anything beyond the kissing. For me, it was always something that I did impulsively and when I was feeling sexually unsatisfied and wanting a little fun with no strings attached. I'd go out to the club and after failed attempts at connecting with any of the other women, I'd resort to an attractive man. At the time it would seem all good but afterwards I did feel shame and guilt because I felt that I was misrepresenting my self. Also I never left feeling that satisfied... but to be honest I have also experienced feelings of shame/guilt after engaging in impulsive sexual encounters with women. And for me its because I don't like to feel like I'm enjoying someone purely for sexual purposes.

    My opinion is kiss whoever you want. But also be aware of what you are doing and why. Alcohol can really mess with your judgment and im sure you know that things can happen that you regret and you can do things that you wouldnt do if you were sober.

    Your friends and family's opinion only matters as much as you allow it to. I would be more concerned with the way you are viewing yourself.

    In the end I decided that it wasn't worth it for me to even go to the club and drink at all so that problem got fixed.
     
    #2 lafemmenoir, Dec 14, 2013
  3. stocking

    stocking Guest

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    Maybe i might not be bi after all the only time I want to be around men is if i'm really horny but other times i don't care much for them maybe i'm a lesbian too
     
    #3 stocking, Dec 14, 2013
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