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How to deal with someone who is in DEEP denial about being gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by lezbhonest, Dec 16, 2013.

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  1. lezbhonest

    lezbhonest
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    hi. i am a lipstick lesbian. There is this girl who i have been hooking up with for quite some time now ( and she made all of the moves) and she has refused to say she is anything but straight ( which is fine by me if she isnt comfortable admitting it)...but on occasion would say " ur right we are all just human"... "Woo LGBT".... "IM CONFUSED/// but no im so straight....but IM CONFUSED BC ive never done what we do with another girl before...!" etc. She gets openly jealous when other people hit on me, etc and it is so clear there are feeelings there on both of our ends..... however recently she has been distant and avoiding me and using tons of defense mechanisms and projecting her gay thoughts onto other ppl calling them gay ( when they arent).... and tried telling me that she knows i have sooo many feelings for her ( even when i told her no ). somedays she'll be all over me, etc..... ( and she has made all the moves on me). She has been distant and "seeking the Lord"... well now things have really exploded bc she is freaking out and being distant kinda refusing to hang out with me. it seems she is heavily conflicted. but yah she said like " I KNOW YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME I AM NOT AN UNDERCOVER LESBIAN I AM SO CONFIDENT WITH WHO I AM ETC ETC" trying to blame me for everything that has happened ( when she made all the moves for the past like 8 months we have been making out hardcore, etc. Lollll soooo..... what is your advice on how to deal with somebody who is in such deep denial and using so many defense mechanisms?? and did you or anyone you know ever act like this?? thanks :kiss:
     
    #1 lezbhonest, Dec 16, 2013
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2013
  2. poison53sumac

    poison53sumac
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    Hmm...I guess I'd say try and back away from her. If she doesn't want to be around you, I don't think you can drag her kicking and screaming out of her denial-land--some people will deny anything till the ends of the earth. If you leave her alone and let her "seek the Lord" or whatever, and she comes crawling back or whatnot, I guess you could explain to her precisely what you feel--or you could do that anyway, but she may not listen right now--and see what happens. She may never take it well, she may come around, or she may do anything in between. I would say she's probably confused and maybe guilty about herself, and definitely in denial. Can't say how it'll turn out, but I would say don't sit around and wait for her--it's up to her at this point. Live and let live.
     
    #2 poison53sumac, Dec 16, 2013
  3. stocking

    stocking Guest

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    It's best to leave them alone and let them figure themselves out
     
    #3 stocking, Dec 16, 2013
  4. MossyCave

    MossyCave
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    It sounds like she's messing you around. Whether she's gay or bisexual she needs some time to figure it out. Neither of you are in the wrong but neither of you are in the right either. You deserve better than this, but also you shouldn't pressure her. The only thing for being deeply in denial is for them to sort it out themselves, you can't make someone accept themselves.
     
    #4 MossyCave, Dec 17, 2013
  5. lovely lesbian

    lovely lesbian
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    It seems like she needs to work some stuff out and then maybe when she has done that have a chat with her I'm not expert and this is rubbish advice
     
    #5 lovely lesbian, Dec 17, 2013
  6. lezbhonest

    lezbhonest
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    do you think its best i distance myself for a bit and hope she'll miss me, or should i still try occasionally sending her a snapchat or text just to let her know im still here>??

    do u think she believes her own lie that shes trying 2 tell herself? or is it all unconscious?

    do u think she is aware of liking girls ?
     
    #6 lezbhonest, Dec 18, 2013
  7. stocking

    stocking Guest

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    I think you should distance yourself and date other people . Chicks like that are a headache
     
    #7 stocking, Dec 18, 2013
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