I'm terribly confused about my sexuality, and hopefully I'll get your view on this. I'll try to format this so it's easy to read and understand, keeping it to the point. Please read this and leave any comment, I would be very thankful! These are completely honest facts, nothing will be sugar coated. Remember, I have other problems in life, though I do not wish to talk about them here. Try to keep discussion around the topic. Intro about me: .Young looking guy for my age, not too much facial hair, depressed, went through puberty normally though late (even didn't notice), concider my self to be way too insecure and lack self esteem. Long and average BMI. At the gym it takes a bunch of time to build muscle, I also have mood swings which leads me to believe I have testosterone deficiency (will get tests). Don't concider my self to be gay, think I might be curious or bi, or perhaps more gay than I think I am (in denial?). One or two people I've met have questioned if I was gay or not. Females: - I feel strong emotions (I fall madly in love) with some girls. During my lifetime I have been in love with four or five different girls, was maybe fond of a few more. When I was just a boy I'd even tell my mother that "there's this girl I really, really, really want to kiss". The latest girl I've been in love with has been hanging around with another guy and it made me really angry and jelous, (like crying, yelling, hitting the wall). I really wish I was with her. I think of her all the time and look at all her pictures every now and then (no stalking though). In high school I got a kiss from a girl and it made me feel really good inside, my face became red I was told. Needless to say I think I really like to be with girls, each time they brush up to me in some way I feel excited. A girl with a short skirt, or a redhead is very attractive to me. All this I know and feel 100% Sex would probably feel amazing! When I watch porn I get off on straight material for the most part. Moving on to the sexual side, I feel as if I'd really like to be with a girl. It wan't like this when I was around 18 even, I was very passive and didn't care, I mostly sat and played computer games, but now it seems that I MUST have sex or else I'll die (as of now I'm really depressed). So I'm more on the lookout and work out too. Sometimes I'd get so horny I mastrubate hard three times in a row, while kind of dry humping something and exhaling agressively, venting off my frustration of being alone (yes, it's a funny image). I feel the urge to do it ever so often. Problem is that I'm just too shy or insecure about my self to actually feel "secure" in actually doing it with a girl, too many variables involved. In general though, when I'm on a date I NEVER feel that they are interested which makes me feel worse. In general it seems that no girl ever wants to be with me (sexually). I might be fun to hang around with, but I'm not sex material. Maybe I don't flirt enough? I don't know. I feel as if I wouldn't be able to take control and ruin the moment. Part of this has to do with my younger days when a girl bullied me verbally which made me lose my self esteem.. It kind of made me crawl back into the computer world, making me a whimp. Though now that I'm completely grown up in my body I feel an increased attraction sexually to girls, and I care less about what others say. While I'm not really the "dog" or your "alpha male" or the guy that comments on "nice asses", I don't find all women attractive, the cases are there and plenty, but say 80% of girls I simply ignore or find no attraction to what so ever (sexually). The other 20% I might "check out", comment on, or pay attention to. THE MORE FEMININE THE GIRL IS THE MORE ATTRACTED I AM TO HER If she has that but is flat chested, it doesn't matter. I'd rather be with a sweet and caring girl of than with some annoying make up doll. NOTE: Though, I'm a virgin, never had sex!! Males: - I've never felt any kind of romantic attractions to guys. They're not as cute as girls simply put! I'd never feel wanting to be with another gay man in a relationship, there's nothing wrong with it, simply I just have no feelings for them what so ever. Perhaps one or two times I'd think to my self "that guy looks good" or something, but it will always be objective comments. Being with a guy makes no sense to me what so ever. Whenever I'm with a feminine gay guy, I do get more feelings for them, not attraction, but I guess I'm more fond of them. I can honestly say I've not fallen in love with a guy, though I can tell I've had fantasies or felt calm feelings. Now this alone makes me believe I'm straight, but here's the facts that make me believe different. I've had gay experiences and fantasies in my life. This could be when I was still very young, I'd masturbate with my cousin sometimes (he introduced me to it).. just last year I was frustrated so I decided to just try it with both sexes.. I had two different guys give me a blowjob for example. It felt ok, but not great, though I was hard and everything. Maybe I just did it because girls weren't around? It did turn me on a little though. My urge was not to have these one-time events, rather be with a loving and caring person. I could never kiss I guy, I've tried watching gay porn and It feels strange and different to me, and I don't prefer it over straight porn. I never understand kissing, for me it's completely out of the question to kiss another guy, because it's about emotion. Having someone stimulate your dick just feels good, and is not comparable. Sometimes also, I'd have the fantasy of trying to suck or being submissive, kind of like a fantasy. It really turns me on, which is why I'm confused. I guess I don't bother having sexual experiences with either sex, I mean, if I have a fantasy, why not go for it? However I'm emotional only with females. Maybe I'm just in an experimenting stage in my life? What do you think?
Hi, and welcome. I don't think there's an instantly clear answer. My first thought was "There's no evidence from anything you're saying that you're anything other than straight." But then, reading the part about getting blowjobs from guys, and gay porn being "strange and different" make it a little bit less clear. While porn is by no means a definitive criteria, most straight guys simply get nothing from gay porn. It doesn't arouse them at all, doesn't interest them. "strange and different" is not the response most straight men would give. Here's the catch: Whenever we process any sort of loss, such as the loss of identity as straight, there are stages we go through: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. So it is possible that you could be in denial (which, if that were the case, you really wouldn't know, since the denial is pretty much all-pervasive.) So here's my suggestion: Spend some time masturbating without porn. Fantasize about being with guys and see what it feels like, how aroused you are, what the orgasm feels like. Then, the next time, do the same thinking about girls. Notice the same things. See which one feels which way. Also, pay attention to where your eyes are wandering when you're out and about, and not really paying attention. Are you looking at guys? girls? both? What body parts catch your eye. If you think back to being at the beach or the pool, what was more interesting to you? Guys or girls? It is very possible, if you're in denial, that you'll feel a strong revulsion or rejection of the idea that you are attracted to guys, or feel really crappy after ejaculating after thinking about guys. That doesn't mean your straight. But if, while masturbating and fantasizing about guys, it simply doesn't do anything for you at all, you have difficulty staying hard or ejaculating, and the whole thing is a chore, then you probably have little or no attraction to guys. The important thing -- which is easier said than done -- is to try and not judge yourself, get angry or worked up, or rationalize any particular outcome, but simply to observe and experience. IF you want to report back what your experience is like, we may be able to give you more input.
I'll try to explain what I mean. Because of the fact that I haven't been in a relationship (ever) with a girl (or guy), and because I had experiences in my childhood, and because I was questioned for being gay by a few people, it made me doubt. My reason for getting blowjobs (which I've only done a few times only, during a period last year, I've stopped since) was because I simply decided to make emperical observations (that and I really wanted human contact). My primary objective was to have sex with a girl, but since it never got to that (the high m:f ratio, doubts and expectations, I had wasted too much time at this already) made me say "f-it" and go for the alternative route and just go for the first best guy (I didn't care so much for looks).. I gave it my best, I really did. I wasn't keen on the idea of talking or kissing, so I made that clear. To be honest out of the 3 times I only came once, and I think that was because I hadn't been touched for so long and had not masturbated in a while, and it was a dirty new experience which was a turn on.. after, it didn't feel wrong to me, but it didn't fill the need for emotions and love, it simply didn't do what I thought it would. I decided to do it a few more times to explore (maybe if the guy was younger it would be different). The second time I couldn't come at all, and the third time I had difficulties staying hard all the time and kind of had to kind of force it out of me my self.. it's the truth, though I questioned why I was doing it several times, maybe I was gay but making excuses. I still don't know, but that's the how I explain it. Now to the porn, when I watch porn I usually get off way more watching straight or lesbian.. like the difference is day and night between straight and gay, but because I do it quite often anyways, I always try watch different stuff, because I get off on new things and want to explore. It can be arousing because it's new.. I'll go through different categories if that makes sense. Eventually it got to gay porn, which most of the time I didn't like or understand (like when guys kiss each other, or in general most videos simply did nothing for me or arouse me), HOWEVER I do get off on some things but I'd have to browse through a lot to find it. This is still true to this day.. I still mostly watch straight porn, though when I want to switch it up I'll look for the gay porn I like.. I think I like it more because they are fantasies, maybe I'm curious or gay.. I'll take the tips and try to be more self-observant of my self, but from what I can tell already (because I have after all been questioning this for a long time now) I mostly always will look at girls on the offchance that I do because rarely will I find a girl that is "eye candy" to me. Guys I never noticed paying attention to or finding attractive. For me body parts while on in a beach doesn't do much, I simply don't pay attention to one or the other! When mastrubating I'll think of girls (when not going for porn), but then again I also get off about fantasies of getting dominated by another guy. Whenever I sleep I always think about sleeping with a girl, even if it's not for sex. I'd never feel comfortable sleeping or having a relationship with a guy, and that's not denial, that's just me knowing it's impossible. Like, can this be called bi or bisexual behaviour? Or am I completely gay? Does a gay man have any interest in straight porn or pay attention to girls with sexy short skirts and feminine behaviour (my biggest turn on)? The thing is that I think I'm straight, though have a tendancy to be gay only (and only!) when it comes to sex. And that's just very confusing. Whenever anyone asks I usually say I'm bi/bicurious but I think I just prefer to be with girls?
