Hi everyone, I am 19 and a guy. Please can you help me figure out myself, I have read loads of threads which has helped a bit but Im still majorly confused. This is on my mind 24/7 and I can't stop worrying about the whole thing. So from an early age I was straight and was attracted to women without doubt. I had crushes on girls and watch straight porn. It was only shortly after I began to go through puberty (which was quite late, 15 i think, I still always get told about how young I look) that I began to watch gay porn and I was really ashamed every time i did. I forced myself to watch straight porn and kinda still do but normally give in. So I think I kind of know that I'm not straight now, but wondered if I was bi. I have never kissed anyone nor had sex which makes it even harder for me to judge, every time i go out i find it really hard to get with girls, and i never really look at guys on a night out. I have never been in love either. I don't understand girls at all or what goes on in their heads, but i completely get guys which may be why i lean towards gay. The other day I went out with a friend and we took MK a type of party drug, that night I found girls way more attractive and really fell for girls. I almost always masturbate over guys and penises, but i also love cougars, dominating women in porn. I have heard there is no such thing as gay phases, but will I ever not find penises and gay porn a turn on? I want to have a family and kids when I'm older. I don't know if I could ever come out as gay because of my family and friends, even though I know some of them wouldn't mind. Thanks a lot for your help and reading all of this.
You could still raise a family and have kids as a gay man, it would just mean adoption, or getting a surrogate, but as for the sexuality thing, that's a bit more complicated. If you're more attracted to guys than girls but still have some lingering attraction to them, you're probably somewhere on the kinsey scale between bi and gay, but only you know for sure. Sexuality can be pretty fluid and hard to discern a lot of the time, I hope you can get to a place where your comfortable with your sexuality.
First thing I'd like to say is that Gay couples with families are becoming a much more common thing these days. There are method for that, so try not to worry about such things. Secondly, porn preference and to a lesser extent sexual fantasy is not always a sure fire way to know your sexuality. I think you should look at the people you can see yourself forming long-lasting intimate and romantic connection with. Not just being momentarily intimate with. Lastly, I've also never being in a relationship with anyone, so I know how difficult it can be (for some people) to understand their sexuality due to a lack of experience. The way I see it is I wouldn't buy a car without test driving it, so why would I say I'm Gay/Straight/Ect without some type of trail first? I do know some people can just know without experience, I figure not knowing one way or another is either due to a "mental block" (fear/denial/ect) or because I am actually in the middle somewhere. So my advice would be not to worry about your "label", try not rule anything out just yet. Just keep your eyes open for someone to take your breath away and a chance to explore the possibilities (safely and smartly). Also in relation to the last question, chances are you will always find guy pron/fantasy interesting if you have for awhile now (4 years?). If it was still something that was just "new and exciting" it may lessen a bit.
Don't just base your sexuality on porn. A similar thing happened to me, except I'm a girl and you're a guy. I liked the opposite sex at the start of my life and then in puberty it changed. At first I told myself it was just women on tv I liked, but then I realized I had crushes on girls in my life too, so you need to look at how men make you feel. Just be honest with yourself, which it seems like you're already doing. Having a family and biological children isn't the most important thing in the world, being with someone who makes you happy is more important. Everyone deserves to be loved and if you went out with someone you could never love that would be pretty bad on them. But anyway, this could just be the beginning. You could experience loads more changes in your sexuality.
