I identify as straight and have loved having sex with women my whole life. But recently, sparked one night when I was incredibly high, I have begun to wonder 'What if I am gay?' Since then, I have become depressed and felt like I am becoming 'trapped' into becoming gay. I feel like I'm losing all attraction to women whereas before a hot girl literally brushing up against me would give me a boner. Has this happened to anyone else? My family would be incredibly supportive but it just doesn't feel like who I am. I feel betrayed by my brain. To clarify, I am not overly turned on by guys, but I worry that I will eventually only be able to get off with guys because I feel like I am losing my sexual attraction to girls as a result of these, 'what if i'm gay, what if i'm gay' thoughts. Then I will have to have sex that won't feel natural to me for the rest of my life help! is cbt a good option to try and rid myself of these thoughts? PLaces like empty closets convince me that I am gay and forums about HOCD convince me that I am straight. I am currently with a beautiful girl and all I want to do is have fulfilling, awesome sex with her, like I used to be able to do with girls. I am currently separated from her for 3 weeks (we fucked once) and am freaking out. This questioning has been going on for about 4 months. I don't want a relationship with a man, but because I have thought so much about gay sex it has sort of normalized for me, whereas before it grossed me out (no offense). I can get off to both straight and gay porn. This is killing me. Like I said, all I want to do is have great sex with this great girl, but these thoughts are making me unable to do so. Am I in deep denial? What do y'all think about this situation? ---------- Post added 18th Dec 2013 at 03:19 PM ---------- I'm beginning to think that I will never have a fulfilling sexual experience ever again ---------- Post added 18th Dec 2013 at 03:21 PM ---------- I should also add that since these thoughts have spiked I can't masturbate without visual stimuli. It has to be videos or gifs, pictures aren't enough anymore and my porn habits have gone from pretty exclusively straight or 'lesbian' porn to gay porn, transexual porn, gangbang, etc etc etc
Watching gay porn doesn't make you gay. There are plenty of straight men who watch gay, lesbian and trans porn. You're not going to get "turned gay". People can figure out that they are gay later in life, but you don't just wake up and become gay. You have to be born gay. From what you've said, I don't think you are gay. It's probably just HOCD like you said. Can you honestly picture yourself spending the rest of your life with a man? If not, chances are you aren't gay.
I had a picture in my head for years about what 'bi people' were like and because the picture wasn't like me I didn't realise I was bi. So I get how you feel. Stop freaking out though, just try to lighten up and listen to your feelings. If you stop trying to resist, you can just notice how you feel instead of trying to force it - there's no point trying to force it, because you can't make yourself gay, straight or bi, all you can do is either accept or deny what you're born with. Maybe your feelings for women will come back, maybe your feelings for men will go away, maybe you'll end up realising you like both. Maybe you just don't feel like sex right now or just don't want sex with that particular woman, most people aren't insatiable nymphomaniacs. I don't think you're gay, because otherwise you wouldn't have been so much into women before in my opinion, but you could be bi. And if you do turn out to be bi (or gay), so what? You will still be you, you will still be exactly the same as you are now in every other way, the only thing that will be different is who you're attracted to.
