I'm so confused and I'm not sure what to do. I have been married to a man for 12 years and we have a son together. I can honestly say that I do love him, intellectually and we make a great team raising our son. He is aware that I am bisexual and has grown to be okay with that fact, but there are several problems. First, I'm pretty sure I am a lesbian, rather than just bIsexual. I so badly want a relationship with a female more so than the little bouts of messing around with girls at parties and such as I did when I was younger. I am also not sexually attracted to my husband at all and I am running out of excuses as to why I won't have sex with him. I don't want to make him feel bad, but I'm not interested at all. It's frustrating to us both. To him because we never have sex and to me for the small amount of times we do. But he's a great guy, which makes things so much harder. I'm just not sure what to do at this point and unless I'm sure of what to do, I will not take the chance of losing what we have together and turning our worlds upside down if I'm not sure if what I want. Also, it sure doesn't help that I am really shy with women, so I don't really get to be close to any who are into other women. I mean, aside from my lesbian friends who write me off because I'm married. Ugh... what to do? ??
Well you can't go on like this if you ever want to be truly content. You're going to have to tell him eventually. I can't relate, but I hope this helps. I hope everything works out for you.
If I only thought of myself I could easily live a gay life style. But I have loving family that is more important to me than that. I would never do anything that would hurt them so it's a personal balancing act that I'm willing to live with. I'm not trying to convince anybody to do or think anything. Just saying what works for me.
Since you mention that your husband is a great guy, I think it would be a good idea for you two sit down and have a serious conversation about how both of you are feeling about the state of your relationship. Other than having a conversation with your husband, I think you should really have a conversation with yourself, to find out what you want because it seems like you're unsure of what that is. Once you figure out what you truly want and what you're willing to sacrifice for it, I'm sure deciding what to do will be easier.
I am in a very, VERY similar situation. My husband and I have been together for 9 years and we have two children together. I would have never considered myself bisexual or lesbian, just "curious" until I met the woman that I am currently having an affair with. And now my whole world has been turned upside down. I love my husband, but I am not sexually attracted to him at all...nor have I been for a very long time. But I am not sure that I am willing to forego my marriage and my family. So right now, I am basically riding the fence....which is not fair to anybody, but I don't know what else to do at this point. So yes, I'm right there with you. Feel free to message me if you need to chat.
I think if he is such a great guy, you shouldn't do this to him. The child will be fine and even better off if both parents end up happy. Don't be scared to be alone and stay because that is selfish and not nice to this great guy. My husbands ex is gay after him, and they have a kid. All is well with him and I and her and her girlfriend. It will be ok. Honesty and openness is always best, in my opinion. There is such thing as Polyamory too that I have been reading about. You can live together and be friends with your husband and raise your kids while you are inlove with other people. Talk, and figure it out.
I agree with this completely. When my boyfriends ex told him she wanted a divorce, she told him that she hadn't been sexually satisfied in years. He offered to do counseling, whatever it took to save the marriage, but she said no. She said there wasn't anything he could do to change, that this was something she needed to do, to try something new, but wouldn't say what that was. He's not clueless, he knew something was wrong for a long time, but she wouldn't tell him what it was. As far as he knew there wasn't another man, but someone they know indicated that she had been hanging out more often with a woman, and some comments were made between them that suggested her and the other woman were more than just friends, or wanted to be. My guys not clueless, he knew something was wrong for a long time, but she'd never tell him what was wrong. As far as he knew there was no other guy (and she said there wasn't) but a mutual aquantence said that the ex had befriended a woman, and the 2 of them said things that suggested things that they were at least interested in being more than friends. She wouldn't even tell her children (who are over 18 now) what the problem was. To live a lie in silence, not be happy, and not let a spouse be happy either is not good. My BF doesn't harbor any ill will towards her, and hopes she is happy in whatever she's doing, if that's what it is. Don't misunderstand me, I'm NOT suggesting you 2 just automatically get a divorce. I'm saying you should talk to him about this. I know a married couple with kids, and although she says he's a great father to the children, and she loves him on an emotional level, the sex for them isn't working for her, not like with a certain woman. The husband is aware of this however, understands that, unlike another guy, it's not about him personally, and they're still married for now. My boyfriend knows that, although I'm not currently in a relationship with another woman, I've always been attracted to women, and still am. Although I'm technically bisexual, because I enjoy what my guy and I do, if our relationship were to end tomorrow, I certainly would NOT be looking for another guy. This might happen despite my feelings for him, and whether we break up or not. He's still a reservist, in a very dangerous MOS, and the one thing I've learned from my previous long term relationship with a woman is life is never certain. My guy knows all this though, and knows I'm going to be honest with him, and loves me enough that he's willing to see if this relationship can continue despite all this. Good luck.
