1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

cannot be emotionally attracted to men...what gives?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by white oleander, Dec 19, 2013.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. white oleander

    white oleander
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2013
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi everyone, I am new here and need some advice or guidance about my orientation. I've been having a difficult time for almost 2 years trying to figure it out on my own and it's impossible for me, and I can't discuss it with people in real life right now without feeling weirdly unsettled.

    Basically, I am not sure about my sexuality. I feel like I used to clearly identify as bisexual but I am not sure now. I've come to the conclusion that I am, 95 percent of the time when I am in a heterosexual relationship, kind of using the man as a sex toy [insert laughs here...awkward!]. I mean that I do not have any emotional connection or desire to be with a man long-term and the sex usual is not that enjoyable when I am with a man anyway 3/4 of the time since he never lives up to my realistic standards [and some unrealistic ones]. I hate the idea of marriage and absolutely would never get pregnant due to my masculinity in spirit. This makes me question my sexuality and if I am 75% gay but now and then straight under special circumstances? I dunno if that is a valid thought.

    I am very, very confused. Doing this with men makes me feel horrible...having pointless sexual exchanges just to feel less desire to have sex when I am turned on makes me feel like a bad person. I don't like the idea of using someone at all and I have a feeling inside that I will have a very slim chance of finding a long term male partner since I have only ever appreciated idealized men like movie characters who just don't exist. I rarely if ever meet men who are suited for me and I just don't know if it's bad luck or what. However, I don't think that I am totally gay, due to feeling arousal from a male's attractiveness - but it stops there.

    Is there such a thing as being emotionally attracted to one gender and not the other? I'm not sure what that's called or if there's a term for it but if there's any concept that goes with what I experience I'd feel relieved at possessing that knowledge. Thank you!! I hope this post was not as confused as I am... ha ha. :lol: Maybe I am just writing this all out because our rather heterosexist culture makes LGBT people feel bad for the relationships they want to have... maybe this is just the gay time in my life right now and that's how it's meant to be... and if a guy comes along who catches my attention in a deep way then so be it. What do you all think?
     
    #1 white oleander, Dec 19, 2013
  2. HermioneGaynger

    HermioneGaynger Guest

    I don't know. I'm also very mildly attracted to some men (if they are EXTREMELY effeminate), but only sexually which is why I only date chicks. What's the point if there is zero chemistry? It could *possibly* be that you haven't crossed paths a guy you're emotionally attracted to, but you sound like a lesbian to me.
     
    #2 HermioneGaynger, Dec 19, 2013
  3. Cervid

    Cervid
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2013
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Out Status:
    Some people
    It's totally possible to be emotionally attracted to one gender and not another. It's quite possible that you could be homoromantic and bisexual? Simply put, that means you experience romantic/emotional attraction for the same gender as yourself, and sexual attraction to two genders (which are male and female here). You might want to look into the concept of romantic orientation vs sexual orientation if this sounds a bit like you.
     
    #3 Cervid, Dec 19, 2013
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2013
  4. Iamqm

    Iamqm
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2013
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Hey, believe me, you are not alone. I'm in almost the exact same situation. I used to think that I'm gay, I used to hate bisexuality... So it's really hard for me now to accept my "bisexual tendencies". Not only because I used to be biphobic, but also because it's very difficult to identify as bisexual without getting criticized. You're either too gay, not gay enough, fake ... Etc. Yes, I do prefer women, but does that mean I'm gay (and can't be bi)? Not necessarily. Yes, I like men, but does that mean I'm straight? Not necessarily.

    The point is, that it's sometimes very difficult to "find the right label" (if such a thing exists). If I were you, I would really consider looking at romantic / sexual orientation (just as Naralex suggested). It might help... (it did in my case)

    Good luck! :thumbsup:
     
    #4 Iamqm, Dec 19, 2013
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)