I sometimes feel like I might be attracted to guys. Inside my head I don't feel disgusted by thoughts of kissing or having sex with guys. Real life is another story. I recently had an opportunity to kiss a guy. I could not make myself do it. Last time I kissed a guy it was gross. Is it because those were the wrong guys or is it because I'm not attracted to guys? Maybe I'm just too awkward to kiss anyone. I've never had the opportunity to kiss a girl, so I have no comparison. I have had some crushes on girls, but I haven't really had any on guys.
Question: if you're still not sure you're attracted to guys, why is it so important to give value to whether or not you enjoy kissing one (or any)? The thing about fantasies, is that they don't always reflect your desires, especially if they're more random and produce little strong emotions. Sure, it's possible that you are bisexual to some degree, but if you've been repulsed by physical contact with guys up until now, it might be safe to say that you lean towards women. Also, whether you're this or that isn't so important. These things tend to sort themselves out when we stop focusing so much on trying to solve them immediately. You describe your fantasies with men, but what are they like with women? If they're neutral or positive, and your future experiences mirror that, it's probably a sign that you have a preference for the same sex.
It's OK to enjoy a fantasy of something you'd never enjoy in real life...heck people do it all the time. Ever fantasise about eating the WHOLE super chocolate cake, but knowing damn well if you did you'd hate yourself for it? There isn't a huge amount of difference here.
I would also add that your fantasies are easy. What I mean is that you can imagine anything you want. So you can fantasize about kissing someone, male or female, and it happens and in that fantasy you are just focused on the pleasure where as in real life you have a lot more to worry about including how you might be perceived. There is no judgement upon you in a fantasy. ---------- Post added 20th Dec 2013 at 10:28 AM ---------- So I would not look at how you felt during this one potential kiss as 100% proof of anything. You most certainly need to explore your feelings more.