Hi there Im new to this forum and i've got a question about being Bisexual, because, like most people, i'm still figuring a lot of this stuff out. Basically, i can't figure out if i'm Bi or not. I was raised in a Mormon family, and never questioned my orientation until recently because it was too painful and embarrassing to me. (Though i distinctly remember having crushes on a few guys from the time i was eleven). And now, i feel like i have a bizzare mix of.... almost homophobia AND bisexality. When i see guys of "my type" (dark hair, dark eyes, artsy etc), i can't stop looking at them. And i get really happy when i imagine us cuddling and laughing and kissing. Same feeling i get towards girls. And i know, because of... ahem... "personal reasons" , that i would enjoy going all the way with a guy i really liked. But when i think of doing the same thing with a guy that's not my type, i usually get really horrified at the thought. Is this because i've essentially been raised to be homophobic, or because i'm not actually bi, and the guys i do like just remind me of girls or something? I think it has to do with an intense fear of rejection and ridicule that i feel really "masculine" guys would subject me to if i approached them, but i'm not sure. Basically, when i look at some guys i feel overwhelmingly attracted to them, (but self conscious about it) and when i look at others i have zero attraction whatsoever. And when i look at girls who i'm not really attracted to, i can still stomach the thought of being intimate with them, even if its not all that appealing, but when i look at guys im not attracted to, the thought of being intimate with them just brings an overwhelming sense of shame. Is this normal? Could it be because i'm just starting to accept myself, and haven't let go of the "shaming" my religion sometimes brings to people like me? I also deal with issues like depression, anxiety, and self harm, so could those contribute? Augh this turned into a long post! :eusa_doh: Sorry 'bout that. And sorry if my grammar sucks, some of those sentences were really long haha. Hope i got my questions across, im just nervous and new Thanks for any help!
Well, in my unprofessional opinion, it sounds like although you said you could be intimate with a girl who wasn't your "type" it sounds like you're not thrilled by the idea. I would say that your reaction to guys that aren't your "type" seems similar in that you're not seeing fireworks. The added negative feelings you feel towards the guys are probably the result of the (unfounded) stigma of being intimate with someone of the same sex. I mean, it sounds like you've struggled(like many/most of us) with accepting your attraction towards men in general. However, with those tall, dark and artsy(sorry couldn't resist) guys that are your "type", desire can overcome those negative attitudes that society has instilled in you. But, if you don't want to have a go with the guy anyway then I could see how a combination of "hmmm...no thanks" attraction level and those "non-heterosexual=bad" feelings could be leaving you feeling horrified at the thought. This seems pretty normal, in my opinion, and those "bad to be gay" thoughts will probably subside as you become more adjusted/comfortable in your own skin. Hope this helps
Well I never said tall haha Naw, but thanks, that makes sense... as i've sort of come to think about it more, the "horrified" thoughts have definently been fading. So yea, i think maybe its just from growing up believing the way i am is wrong. Like in the span of a month i've gone from feeling like i'm just a little bit Bi to thinking i'm just a little bit straight, so... i dunno maybe i'm just on a "gay kick" as some Bi people on here have described it haha. But i've defiently determined that i'm Bi. Just gotta face the family now haha Thanks for the support
