1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I am afraid that I am a lesbian after all.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Laura27, Dec 22, 2013.

  1. Laura27

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2013
    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    the Netherlands
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey everyone,

    I am sorry for the long story. I wanted to be brief (hence my first words) but I want to read personal stories from gay or bi people who can somehow relate. People who weren't 100% sure of their homosexuality when they were kids. Could you help me? I would appreciate it :slight_smile:

    Long story short: I'm an 18 year old girl. When I was 16 I came out as gay. A year later as bisexual. I dated a girl for a year, we stopped dating because of the distance. Now it's a month later and I've been asked out by 4 guys at the same time, and since I identify as bisexual I decided I give them a chance and now I am dating them (I've been on only 1 date with them, it's not serious yet, I do not intend to keep dating them all. They know about this. I want to experience which guy I am most compatible with).

    My mom is on cloud 9, we've been talking about these men a lot. She wants to know who I really want to go for. And I honestly don't know, they are all great. I could see myself with all of them (not at the same time of course :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:). They are really sweet. I think I am attracted to them. Sometimes they give me butterflies in my stomach when they do something nice. Other times, I get really scared.

    I can get excited over a very sweet whatsapp message one of them sends. For example: 'Texting with you is awesome, I really like your funny replies!' or: 'Wow I just read your article, it's awesome!' or just plainly: 'I saw you were wearing that new green sweater today, it looked cute on you.'

    But sometimes I get a weird feeling in my stomach. The feeling that made me question my sexuality in the first place, when I was with my very first boyfriend. Some sort of wisdom; as if I know somehow that I cannot truly be happy with whatever guy I choose over a longer period of time. I think I'm attracted to men because I sometimes get crushes on them and I can appreciate a good-looking man.

    My feelings for men and for women differ. Looks don't matter as much when it comes to the men I choose to date. I don't have a type. They only need to be compatible with my personality and intellectual interest. When it comes to women, I have weaknesses. A girl with long hair, a feminine appearance and a soft voice can make me kill someone if she wants me to. When I was dating that girl I wanted to make her happy and buy food and nice jewelry and kiss her whenever. I really do not want to kiss a guy the way I would kiss a girl. With my first boyfriend, it took a year of me warming up to him until I was comfortable enough with kissing him. It will be the same with the guy I choose to be with.

    So I guess I like men and women differently. I am afraid that I am a lesbian after all, even though I also quite like sex with men. I am looking for a long term relationship. When I think of sex I like both men and women. When I think of me being with someone for the rest of my life I picture a beautiful woman in a long white weddingdress. This scares me. Maybe it's because of my fear that I will never find my perfect woman, because there are so little gay women, let alone gay women that I find attractive, let alone gay women who I find attractive who find me attractive!

    The only reason why I am currently not dating any women is that it's so much harder to find my type of woman. A girl that is also interested in me. I am only interested in straight girls :frowning2: I go after women, nothing happens. Women don't approach me. It's kind of discouraging. Especially since their are so many men who ask me out or flirt with me. I don't have to do anything to get their attention.

    As you can read (well, if you are still reading that is, if that's the case, thank you very much :slight_smile: ), I am quite confused. I would like to get advice from people that were confused for a long time as well, I am quite curious if you are gay, bi or pan, and how you found the way you identify yourself as.

    Love and greetings from the Netherlands :icon_bigg
     
  2. Dani9

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2013
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Straight people can appreciate good-looking someone of their own sex, too. No big deal!

    Also, the words you use when you talk about all those guys... Cute, sweet, nice... That...doesn't look like actual attraction to me.
    Think about this one: when you're, like, falling for someone, do you get butterflies in your stomach because that person did something for you? 'Cause my butterflies don't even need another reason to start rushing around in there when i only think of Her.

    And try to listen to this feeling in your stomach, i've heard that it can tell you if being with a guy/girl feels right or wrong, and that's a sign and a huge help in general.

    I guess there must've been something else i spotted... But it's goddamn late and i'm sleepy so i can't remember... :sleep: Sorry, there's at least something. Good luck anyways!:slight_smile:

    Same, i'm starting to slightly freak out regarding my chances... Better just keep hopping around girls throwing my gayest looks left and right and hope for the best. Amen.
     
  3. Liz

    Liz
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2013
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    If you're a lesbian, then you're a lesbian - there's nothing to be afraid about :slight_smile:.

    You are 18, so you haven't had time to meet all the gay women out there - there'll be 1 (or plenty more than 1) for you somewhere! Be positive :slight_smile:.
     
  4. Kasey

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2013
    Messages:
    6,385
    Likes Received:
    162
    Location:
    The Commonwealth of Massachusetts
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That's the key, some of us wait for love. Guys are usually more aggressive in asking.

    But whatever makes you happy. It's all love baby!
     
  5. angel626

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2013
    Messages:
    292
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TN
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I just trusted my gut instinct when it came down to it. In my gut I knew that being with woman is natural to me. Not only that no man has ever been able to get my attention like a woman does; I had guy friends tell me that they liked me but it just made me feel uncomfortable. I may be gay but I'm not blind so I can look at a guy and say he's attractive but even then I couldn't imagine dating a man no matter how much I may find them attractive.
    Good luck and I hoped I was able to help even though its not much.
     
  6. bb1984

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2013
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Phoenix
    Gender:
    Female
    It took me years to realize I was gay. i always considered myself bi sexual until last year. I now identify as les. It sounds like you are bisexual and not les. You said you enjoy sex with men, I find it repulsive and when I identified as bi I didn't actually enjoy it, it was more about satisfying my partner. I just got out of my first relationship with a girl.It was a disaster, and the fact that I am choosing to still date women after that proves I'm les.
     
  7. stocking

    stocking Guest

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2013
    Messages:
    7,542
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I first thought i was bi since i was little i guess because maybe i saw hetero couples as normal and thought i would like a guy later in life my first crush was a girl who was my best friend . Later in life I learned i 'm actually lesbian I just learned it a few days ago , it's taking time getting use to but I bet will be use to it soon . I also like the same type of girls you like and it's very hard to find them so i'm currently alone , I always wonder if the girl with like me or not . I think personally even though it isn't the case for me because i'm a virgin but I think a lesbian could enjoy sex with a man but I'd say probably if she had boyfriends in the past or a husband maybe I think it's really where her heart is and not really the people she's slept with .
     
  8. lovely lesbian

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2013
    Messages:
    3,818
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    UK
    It took me a while to realise I was gay I had a crush on a straight girl but I knew nothing was going to happen if your a lesbian then your a lesbian it thought I was bi for a but i knew I wasn't.
     
  9. JGirl6891

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2013
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CALIFORNIA
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I think if you see yourself being with a female in the long run, don't bother with dudes anymore or lead them down that path for them to love you . . and in return your thinking of women. believe me, it sucks for you and that dude . . been there done that. just be true to your feelings, and don't think of it so much . . because the mind will fuck with us if you let it wander.