I think this fits in this thread, but I am not sure. I posted a while ago asking advice on the matter of my sexual orientation, but I would like to discuss some more things. Ok, so I was working a few days ago and a new male co-worker started working in the department that I was in. I had just literally started working a few days before him. We exchanged hellos, but that was all really. We haven't really talked and I haven't really looked at him much, but from what I can gather, he is nice looking and probably out of my league if at all. It might be good to point out that I have social anxiety and anxiety/avoidance around romance and the like. I don't know anything about him and yet, I already want to talk and flirt? with him without knowing if he even likes other men, has a significant other, or is over 18 for that matter (which I am pretty sure.) I feel like I am just using him to find out my sexuality since I literally have no clue and it eats away at me. Before him, I was looking at another co-worker (male) for the same reasons kinda. The question is am I really attracted to him? or am I just using him? I did this once before with another guy who was attracted to me and I freaked out on the relationship and ended it out of anxiety and fear. To top this all off, I get nervous around everyone because I think they will be attracted to me or I that it would be misinterpreted that I am attracted to them. I feel like my 'feeling' for guys is just a ruse for me to avoid having a relationship with a girl. I don't want to be the one to be the 'supporter' as is typically expected of guys as everyone likes telling me. I want to be the emotional one and the one to be supported. I also have a fear of having children because it is a huge commitment and one that I do not want to partake in. I do get nervous around girls and embarrassed but I feel like the 'warm' sensation I get talking to girls is different from the 'warm' feeling I get from talking to guys. It kinda makes me feel like that I am just nervous around attractive people. I brushed of the confession of girls in the past and seemed to fit in with them more/ found them easier to talk to. Maybe it all has something to due with being brought up in a life where I am expected to have a girlfriend and to have kids. Back to the topic of the co-worker, I am just to afraid to talk to him. We interacted a few time and he chatted briefly once about some song on the intercom, but other than that I have to much anxiety. I know that maybe I need more courage, support, or to fix the problematic sides of me, but if that were possible, I would have done it long ago. Does anybody have any thoughts? I am quite depressed with the whole issue and it torments me.
You might be gay, or you might be bi. It's hard to tell from what you have said though. Have you done anything sexual with a girl before? Did you like it? Also, I would not say sexual experimentation with guys is not in itself bad in regards to figuring out your sexuality, but you might want to make it clear that you are not interested in anything serious if you do end up with someone.
No, I haven't done anything sexual with a girl before. I really haven't fantasized about it much. I seem to have trouble with that. I always want to go at the same pace as the other person in fear of loosing them I guess.
