Hello empty closets. This is my first post! Okay, I want to ask about a topic that is probably worn out: Gaydar. To some people it is ridiculous and based on obvious stereotypes that are more like common sense than some kind of deep intuition. To others it's a kind of unexplainable sixth sense that some people do have. I myself have accurately judged someones sexual orientation several times, and not always basing my judgment on obvious traits. I too have been accurately categorized as gay by people who do not know me, without having to say anything, and in spite of not me being glaringly obvious (though I would never go so far as to describe myself as "straight acting"). I have a very strong crush on a friend who identifies as straight and for some reason I have always had a gut feeling that he is gay but closeted because he is a religious Baptist. He doesn't have many stereotypical traits other than having "twinkish" good looks and a obsession with working out. He rarely dates, says he rarely thinks about sex, and has offered some weird explanations as to why. Such as "I don't wanna go out with girls around here because I'm afraid they're my cousin". He lives in a small town but trust me, it's not stopping anyone else. I told him I would have rather had him date my sister than the guy she was dating at the time and he told me "she's too good a friend". This being in spite of the fact that they had been to the movies together twice, both times with me along, and have never had a real conversation. He enthusiastically leaps at the chance to talk about homosexuality. Once he told me that he thought "being gay is a choice" and that he has "homosexual thoughts" but that it doesn't make him gay because "everyone does". A while later he told me he had been suicidal about something in his life but didn't want to tell me what. I got the feeling it was related to our earlier conversation about being gay. He also told me he thought I was really good-looking after I disparaged my looks. He told me he was obsessed with Nsync and the Backstreet Boys as a kid. He politely implied he was very well endowed when we're at a Mexican restaurant to a table with two gay men. He is also sexually abstinent but worked as a security guard and for thirty minutes regaled me and two friends with stories of where people meet to have sex to the point where everyone was anxious he change the subject. Other than me, two other gay men have had a thing for him (to a lesser extent) and he described one as accusing him of "just bluffing" about being straight. So I learned I'm not the only one to suspect this. None of this means anything definite one way or the other. I realize this post has been done in one form or another countless times. I was just curious about other peoples opinions about gaydar and people who are closeted. I'm not naive enough to expect people to say "he's gay fore sure" or "no way, you're just wishful thinking". I'm not unbiased and I may be just wishful thinking. I just wanted some opinions on the general subject.
Well... he's certainly not exhibiting the sort of behavior you'd expect of someone who's totally 100% straight. If I were to guess, I'd say there's a pretty good chance he is gay. But even if I'm right, that really doesn't do you any good. One of my friends... from the time he was 18, everyone who met him totally knew he was a poof. It was obvious to just about anyone with any gaydar whatsoever. But he vehemently denied it. He was in a (not very healthy or happy) relationship with a woman 16 years older than he was for about 9 years. Finally, he moved out of his small town, away from everyone he knew, and even then, it took him another year or two to come out. Now... most people it doesn't take that long. But no telling how long it could take if, in fact, your friend is gay, and pushing him probably won't do any good, so knowing the answer probably won't do much of anything other than annoy you. But from what you have said, if I were to guess, my guess would be "gay"
Yeah, it's a worn out topic, but it's not like the radar at the airport stops working, so we fan the flames on the topic, no pun intended. The best word I can come up with is skittish, meaning he denies the issue and then gets close to the subject, and in graphic ways, too. It's like a jigsaw puzzle of sorts. A lot of the pieces indicate an interest in men. The one about telling strangers he was well-endowed was the funniest of the list. You can't push him. Let it runs its course. Don't have him date your sister. Something's inconsistent - he's a security guard but has twinkish looks. I generally don't see that combination. What's twinkish about him?
He's not a security guard that requires a lot of physical intimidation. He basically just has to be a presence there. He's twinkish because he's slim and fits the typical "twink" mold.
