I think I finally can say to myself that it'd possible I'm bi sexual or gay. After 6 months of this I can kinda say it now. I'm not sure if I'm jumping the gun or what. But for 19 years I never question my sexuality always knew I was straight. While at work today I was having a gay thought, and it was on my mind for like 50 minutes, I couldn't shake it. And then like after an hour of thinking about it I got a hard on. And now I'm stuck. I don't get it, I can't live life anymore I'm too depressed. It is even worst because I love my best friend and I can not bare to see any other guy holding her or being with her or talking to her I love her to death. And truly love her and only wanna be with her. I even have sexual fantasies of her. But now with this whole thought and me getting a hard on it is just bringing me back into depression and anxiety and I just want to love her without any of this going on. If I'm gay I can't be with her and my life will be over. I don't get what's going on. I need help please ---------- Post added 26th Dec 2013 at 12:36 PM ---------- I really need help. I don't get it, I have fantasies about girls usually. But this gay though turned me on after awhile. And it was me getting a bj btw. I have no idea what to think anymorw I feel like curling up in a ball and crying. Can someone please give me advice or something or what I can do!
Listen, all guys at one point think about a bj from another guy. It doesn’t mean that you’re gay. Guys thinks about sex a lot and a in our minds a bj from another guy seems great, because guys knows how it’s supposed to feel to be amazing. You sat at work and thought about sex for a long time, yeah? Then it’s not uncommon that you got turned on by it. You could be bi- curious, but honestly most guys are. If you feel so strongly about you friend that is a girl, then I doubt you’re gay or even bi… Do you look at guys and get turned on? If you don’t, then maybe it’s more the idea of the fantasy you find hot. Chin up, it will be fine
thanks man. Please any other opinions. i dont know that to think. i do not go around looking for guys. I do not get turned on by them if I see them. Im so unsure what to think. Someone help me
Not to upset you, but what would be so bad about being gay or bi if you were? You've mentioned your friend in this post, but you don't indicate that she's your girlfriend. So it's not a given at this point that she and you would be together even if you had never had this issue. You might be bi, but that wouldn't prevent you loving and having a relationship with your friend any more than if you were straight and therefore capable of appreciating the charms or fantasizing about other women. You don't really give me any sense that you are gay. Ok, so you can apparently muster a fantasy about sex with a guy and eventually get a hard on. I can think about all kinds of things I would never have any intention or interest in doing if I was given the opportunity to do so in real life. Imagination is not a clear indicator of capability or even desire. But back to the earlier question - if you were clearly into guys, why would that be so bad? The thought seems to bother you greatly, but I don't recall seeing a post where you laid out the specifics of WHY it bothers you. Apologies in advance if you did post this somewhere and I either missed it or even forgot that I read it. Todd
Hey AKTood, Its not that it would be SO bad. Its just, I feel like she does not deserve me. And she DOES like me, and I like her, she is away now tho so nothing can happen. But in m future I want to be with her. I have been her best friend for 2 year, and would take a bullet for her. Just imagining her sitting next to another guy smiling gets me irritated and upset. That is a reason I am upset with this whole thing. As for my bisexuality, if that is true. Its very confusing, because just for about the past 4 Months I had a great amount of attraction for girls, there legs and vaginas and everything, and right now its declined, i not sure if its due to my stress or what. But anyways i am so hung up on this that I have to get medication, I failed school for the first time ever, its affecting my work life, its affect my social life. Its got me beat up all around. I mean it shows how much I love this girl. I have been hanging on feeling this way ever since the first day this happened 6 months ago. All I think about is me and her not together and that brings me stress and depression, as well as not being able to figure myself out gives me depression and stress also. As for my attraction to men right now, I do not feel anything when I look at guys, like I am not attracted to their body or anything or so I believe for now, unless my mind is trying to reject it. But I already tried to accept it, ill tell how. When this first happened, I was upset it took me awhile to let my mind be free, and then I go and let my mind be free for awhile, then BAM a few days later I realize I do not like guys and i am not attracted to them, then this is when girls come back and hit me really hard after I tried the whole guy thing, nd for bout 3 or 4 months Girls were the ish for me. I knew I was attracted to them, But now its like heading back in a circle again(I believe). This thought I had today was the VERY first gay thought I had when I first worried. I feel like im back to square one. This to me sounded like bisexual, and so I am trying to accept bisexuality within myself. But as I mentioned earlier, look at the problems I am facing, this girl, and still being unsure of myself. Like what do I do if when I finally open my mind again to guys and it goes away, is this gunna be a never ending circle of shit going on? Anyways, i had a HUGE attraction to girls since I could remember, i remember I always wanted to be picked up by this hot girl who was my moms co worker one time and I loved being held by her and I got that tingling feeling in my peepee (lol). Anyways, I used to legit want to kiss every damn girl as a kid and touch every damn girl. I would have dreams about girls A LOT, even wet dreams. I even felt actual attraction and love for a girl before, as soon as she had to leave to go back home i started breaking down crying because I wanted to spend every waking minute with her. (She stayed with me for 3 days). But girls have Always been everything to me and I was so indulged into them. I was not pushed that way and I NEVER repressed any other feelings, and nothing in my past indicates gay at all. My parents raised me to be who I want, and I always knew that my parents were accepting of gays s i never had a problem with it. And I would never care about being around gay people, I was not homophobic at all. But anyways thats just a quick sum up of my past life. I have tried dating girls many times but i always got rejected -.- lol but I kept trying. So I never even had sex yet or KISSED a girl, pathetic right? Im not sure if maybe one day I will meet a girl and do everything with her at once an find out I love it and never worry again, or im not sure if I will hate it. But I sure as hell hop I have an answer soon. and if anyone has input that would be great. AND please ANYONE who has input on how to accept my sexuality better please do so. I would appreciate it a lot.
First, man, take a deep breath, please don't get desperate... that will make it worse, way worse, but remember you can control it. I'm in this questioning situation... and I know is hard to be calm, but you can control the feel of desperation. Do it. I think that if you say you like your best friend, then, you like her. All I can say to you is that you have to be calm trough this, that's what I'm doing, give yourself time... don't forget that we are victims of a system we didn't create. I'm not expert. Hope this can help you.
See now here is the shit I don't get. I just tried jerking off to guys without porn, just in my fantasy and I barley got hard, it was soft. Then I pick up my phone and see a hot girls face and I get the jolt. And it finally got hard and then i finished off jerking to girls and having sex with a black girl(which I am attracted too) . But if this shit happens then why the F does it keep going in circles I have no idea if my shit is just all in my mind or if it's true or what I hate this.
It sounds very much like your suffering is less caused by what you may or may not be attracted to and more so by all of the swirling thoughts you have about it. Particularly I hear a strong longing for connection with your friend who is a girl and concern that something you might feel or be could come in the way of that. What if there didn't have to be any kind of conclusions or assumptions or other implications behind this experience of a 'gay thought' that turned you on. Is it possible to just allow it to be there for now and take a deep breath? What happens if you can do that even for just a short while? I am hearing that this is really affecting your daily life. The image that comes up when I read what you write is almost like a hurricane. Is it possible to move to the middle where it is calm and simple observe? Best wishes <3 Soleil
It really is caused by all the swirling thoughts and not what I may or may not be attracted to. See I have ocd, and that's what these swirling thoughts are. Part of my ocd and I do this with every damn subject. Does not have to be this gay subject at all. It's terrible. Ik medication is bad, but I really need it.
I think it is due with stress mate. You are so worried about all this that it affects your life. Do you still think of this girl sexual and get turned on by it? If you do, then don’t worry about the fantasy you have about guys. It’s not pathetic that you haven’t kissed a girl or had sex yet. Maybe you worry more about it, because you haven’t done anything yet, so you don’t really know anything for sure. To be honest you could be bi sexual, but like you said there’s nothing wrong with that. If you’re bi sexual it doesn’t mean that you can’t be with this girl or that you can’t commit fully to her only. Have you thought about that maybe it’s more the sex and not the fantasy about guys you’re into. You said that you don’t get hard thinking about guys jerking off or anything like that, but you do with girls. I know it’s difficult, but I agree with everybody else, take a deep breath… sexuality is confusing and sometimes there is no explaining for the way we feel. Best wishes.
