1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Am I gay or bisexual?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Regina Phelange, Dec 26, 2013.

  1. Regina Phelange

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2013
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hi, so I'm a 16 year old male and I figured out that I like males almost 3 years ago now, thinking that I was bisexual with a preference for males. Lately, however, I've been wondering if I may not in fact be gay.

    Up until I hit puberty, I don't recall ever being attracted to another male and I used to get typical kid crushes on girls. Then I started to "notice" boys, to the point where I noticed them quite a bit more than girls. Since I started puberty, I've only ever been attracted to two girls, and both times, I had strong feelings about both of them. On the other hand, I've had lots of guy crushes over the past 3 years, as well as a slightly bigger one. However, I've noticed that my feelings towards girls have been entirely romantic, whereas my feelings towards males have generally been both romantic and, uh, lustful. While I definitely had strong emotional feelings towards both of the girls I've liked in the past 3 years, similar to those I get with males, I don't think I ever once thought about either of them, or any girl for that matter, in a sexual manner (whereas I've experienced both romantic and lustful feelings towards males). Due to my romantic feelings, I assumed that I was bisexual, but this is making me wonder. I should add that I've never actually had a girlfriend so I haven't personally experienced what it's like to be with a female, and if anything, I guess I'm fairly ambivalent towards the whole prospect.

    Given the circumstances, I'm having trouble figuring out my true sexuality and I was wondering if anybody has had similar feelings who can enlighten me on how they finally figured things out. Thanks.
     
  2. Mogget

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2010
    Messages:
    2,397
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    New England
    As someone who's panromantic and more or less exclusively sexually attracted to men, this has cropped up for me, too. In high school I assumed I was bi favoring women because most of my crushes were on girls. As I got better at noticing the differences between my sexual and romantic feelings it became easier for me to work out who I was sexually attracted to, who I was romantically attracted to, and who I was romantically and sexually attracted to.

    Although I generally use the term "gay" when I talk about myself, I don't actually like the term: It excludes my romantic orientation which is actually very important to me; I usually use queer when I'm in spaces where concepts like romantic orientation are understood.
     
  3. StephenSC

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2013
    Messages:
    133
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Queensland, Australia
    Often one simple word/term, with it's common definition, isn't enough to fully explain something as complex as our sexuality. There are many different degrees between the many people who would call themselves the same. At the end of the day it's up to you to decide what one, or what combination, you feel most comfortable with.


    With that being said, I'd class that on the Gay side of Bi. Though still Bi. You've stated you've had/have strong emotional feelings towards females. Even if your attraction might be "fuller" towards males, the fact that one also exists towards females is, in my mind at least, textbook Bi.

    That is if that emotional connection is strong enough that you can see yourself in any type of intimate relationship with a female.


    I'm sure that in time and with experience you will begin to have a better understanding of your sexuality. In the mean time don't feel pressured to fit into a predefined role. Take time, and care, to explore and think about the possibilities.
     
  4. WhiteShadows

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2013
    Messages:
    1,034
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well, I don't even know what I am myself, so I don't know how much this will help you...
    BUT....
    Your story about how you felt after hitting puberty is identical to my experiences (almost).
    Yeah, I had typical kid crushes on girls.. but not b/c I was attracted to any of them... just because I thought it was something normal to do...
    And yeah, I had a thing for one girl but it was never really a sexual thing... and at around 13 years old I REALLY started to notice boys ALOT.

    In addition to all this though, when I was 14 I met a guy who I completely fell for... and we also ended up being best friends for 3 years... anyway, I won't bore you with that story... it didn't end too great... but we're still friends. You can read my blog if you want to read about it.
    Anyway, I don't know what I am. But I can tell you, that if the circumstances had allowed: if that boy had liked me back, and we had started a relationship, I WOULD DEFINITELY have been the happiest I could imagine myself being, and I would be gay for him. He just would have satisfied everything I could possibly want from a relationship, and I got so freaking horny anytime I saw him...

    But now... well... I think I'm pretty sure I'm attracted to boys.. but I could see myself being close to a girl maybe too...

    Idk... I think sexuality can be pretty fluid... There's no rush for you to know. But imo, going with your inner lustful AND emotional instincts is a good way to go :wink: