Hi! So I've recently sorted myself out (I was in denial, then bi for a year, and now wow i'm actually pretty gay!) and i wasn't sure where to put this, but hopefully its okay. Basically, after having just a conscious (shallow) thought that a straight girl that I know is pretty/hot/whatever I end up feeling like such a creep, like i'm violating her somehow. I know it probably doesnt make any sense, but if the girl ever found out that some girl she doesnt know is a lesbian (I'm largely closeted) was finding her attractive it would probably freak her out and make her uncomfortable. I feel guilty because Im thinking things that would probably be creepy to the person, and that is wrong. I cant stop (nor do i want to) the "damn she's gorgeous" thoughts but i just feel so guilty and like some kind of pervert immediately afterward, and actively trying to shut my thoughts up after putting myself in her shoes. It is much worse when I know the girl, or if its like my good friend's sister or something like that. Don't get me wrong, I know that I'm doing nothing wrong it just feels that way to me just out of respect for the other person. I just don't want to be considered creepy. Sorry, I'm still pretty new to this whole thing.
It's pretty common to feel this way; because homosexuality is seen as abnormal, we feel that our attraction is an imposition on those we're attracted to. It can even be useful to have that feeling, as it can prevent us from hitting on people who might react hostilely or violently to our overtures. That said, it's definitely not a pleasant way to feel. If it upsets you, I recommend attempting mindfulness. Mindfulness is (among other things) being aware of what you're thinking and feeling. If I pay attention to my thoughts I can note that I'm having a thought, label it, and often simply that act allows me to move on from it. Developing a degree of detachment from what I think and feel has made it easier for me to manage upsetting and distressing thoughts and emotions.
