When did know you were gay?

A few months ago, my hockey team had a board meeting for an hour after practice. So, two other girls and I went over into a secluded part of the ice rink and talked. I didn't know it, but they were both gay. I had never really thought of sexuality before that, but it really made me think about how I knew I was straight. I realized that I never envisioned being in even a short-term relationship with a guy, and then I thought about girls and it right. I am pretty sure that I am lesbian, but I plan on stayng in the closet a while longer, just to be totally sure.

 

The first time I had pondered about it was sometime in Middle School but due to several denial phasess, I didn't fully become comfortable with the idea of me being gay until Sophomore yr of college.

Before college or even high school, I never thought of myself being anything other than straight so I didn't know what to do when I encountered thoughts that weren't exactly straight. So when I would have these thoughts, I would think something must be wrong so I spent endless nights Googling and Googling. Conclusion was that I was experiencing puberty, and everything that was going on was normal. Well...that didn't exactly satisfy me but I went on with my life. Long story short...I hopped on here and read through some posts and I could remember myself thing, "Wow, I can hugely relate to these." And here I am

 

I had this "girlfriend" in Infants (we used to kiss and that) but not really until about year 7, when I had been questioning for about a year and a half.

 

Only a few months ago

 

Well, I still can't tell for sure because I've never really had sexual experiences with both men or women.. But the things going through my head would definately make everyone believe that I was gay. So, yea I think I'm gay, and those thoughts were there since I was 14. I only somewhat accepted those thoughts half a year ago, I'm 18 now.

 

I've always been gay and have considered myself gay for over 3 years now but I still have thoughts about wanting to try it with a girl for comparison.

 

I used to look at pictures of attractive guys in magazines when I was 11~12.. never paid attention to girls at that age. Before that age, I never gave any special attention to girls or guys, both uninteresting, I was too young obviously, so I didn't care at all. As soon as I turned 10 and around 11~12 my feelings were pretty clear: I was interested in boys, and girls never did much to me.

Although I used to look at pictures of guys on magazines, I always brushed that way, I gave myself the excuse; "I'm just comparing, because they have the same body I do, every guy must go through this.."

I was living on a foreign country at that time; feelings were pretty mixed with the fear of living and knowing I'd be there for at least 2 more years barely knowing the local language.. well, actually, not knowing the local language AT ALL, and barely knowing the habits and people. Plus the strong differences of my current culture and the culture of that country. Several times I couldn't take it; growing up, having my own doubts, trying to come to terms with what I was felling while sustaining all those difficulties and struggles of every day life; barely being able to purchase things at stores because of the strong language barrier, studying full time on a language you barely know in a environment different than everything you had seen at that point; everyday tasks in society were quite a challenge at first.


At that time, I was welcomed by another foreign student, he was not the only one on that school; The school was known to welcome foreign students (although barely giving us any special attentions on matters such as language struggles). He gave me a lot of attention on those extremely difficult first weeks, and he was bloody attractive, a little bit older than me (he was 13 or 14 I guess). He tried to teach me the basics of everyday language, and I was extremely introverted and my shyness around him only made that worse.

I didn't knew, I had no idea what I was felling, I had no idea why he was so special to me, perhaps I was too grateful he was helping me? I was grateful, but also afraid; why was he helping me, and giving me attention? Not bashing me for being foreign or ignoring me like most of the kids (even other foreigners)? I didn't know, but I was developing a crush on him.

AND, I guess he was interested at some point because he was suggestive several times xD, perhaps thats why he was interested in helping me, because he was interested on other ways, too. That only freaked me out obviously, but I still enjoyed his presence.

I'm sure that was my first boy crush.

I missed him, a hell a lot, when he left the following semester, exchanging schools..

I never saw him again, although I have his facebook... but he only replied me one time, never again :/.


Thats when I knew, although I had a VERY DEEP self rejection; I tried to ignore it for years, my feelings, until it was too much. At 14 I was already back to my country of origin, and at that time I had came to terms with my feelings: I was SURE I was not straight. Although I never demonstrated homophobia in my life, even with conservative parents, I still had at that point a lot of self-rejection, confusion, guilty. At least I was accepting it was inevitable, right?

I came out to 2 friends, both girls: They had NO idea, for them I was just extremely introverted and shy, they didn't believe me because I was and apparently I still am "perfectly straight-acting" WHATEVER that means, for me, I am just me! So, it went well, they supported me, helped me, and we are still friends today although we parted ways; I still love both of them.

I eventually learned to LOVE myself, and then to Love without regrets, guilt or shame.

My first kiss, at 15, was with a guy; because I wanted it to be with a guy. It was wonderful, and I'm still friends with him! He is coming to study on my University next year; so excited!

Well, I figured out that my internal doubts used to take an huge part on my extreme introversion; I became extroverted and very communicative after I came out and became more comfortable with myself, I mean, not that you can't be communicative being introverted, but I was too much of an introvert, barely talked to anyone.

On short therms, I keep my sexuality at "Gay", because I am truly "very gay", but seeing sexuality is a fluid thing, I leave the possibilities door always open!

Seeing my past experiences, which are not many, I do recognize that; I can take a few conclusions, and one is: The more comfortable you are with yourself, the easier your doubts will go away!

Still, I enjoy dudes 98%

 

6 ish months ago now! I was watching Hannah Hart's "nervous" video and it freaked me out because I felt a lot of the same things. I also realied I had a huge crush on her and that girls are pretty.

Also did some soul searching and found out what I had mistaken for attraction to famous guys (simple plan collectively, matthew grey gubler) all my life was actually admiration for all they acomplished and that tingly feeling I got looking at girls was attraction. Yay confusion.

 

I first started noticing other boys in addition to girls around 12 or 13, and realized it was truly my orientation rather than just curiosity around 15. Unfortunately I spent the next 10 years fighting myself.

 

When I was 6 which means since 10 years xD

 

When I was five I noticed that I was attracted to the same sex. I didn't know about gay people so I didn't consider myself gay or bi. When I knew what being gay was I denied my feelings of same sex attraction. When I was fourteen I stopped denying my feelings. I'm still not sure if I'm 100% gay or not.

 

12-13
Started noticing hot blond boys in my grade xD

But I denied it until this year.

 

Had a crush on a girl in 3rd grade. Shoved the feelings away and forced myself to like boys. Didn't really accept it until a month ago. Wish I could come out and not be told its "a phase".

 

Until I was around the age of 13 (or perhaps it was 12?) I had absolutely no inkling of my sexuality. I've always been a bit of a 'sissy' since young but there was no indication that I was anything other than cisgender heterosexual and I even had play-relationship with girls in primary school.

It all happened so quickly that it's almost comedic: I went to bed one evening, had an erotic dream about a boy I knew and then freaked out the next morning. Having been raised in a rather homophobic environment, the dream was a pretty upsetting event for me. It was like a switch had been turned on in my brain, and I spent the next several years trying to suppress those feelings before accepting them as part of my nature.

 

I basically had same sex crushes since early adolescence, but tried to deny it for a long period of time (except for a brief period when I was around 17 when I almost came out as bi), until I was in my early 20s and realised that I could envision waking up next to a guy on a continuous basis.

 

When I Found out I was trans.

 

Earlier this year I finally started to analyze the feelings I've had for a particular friend of mine since another friend described what a crush feels like and me and my stupid self was sure I'd never had a crush before (for a guy anyway). After that I realized something was up. After a lot of analyzing I've come to the conclusion of "not straight" for now.

 

When I realized I had a crush on Devon Werkheiser. Yeah, I was way more than "just a fan"

So at 16 I pretty much knew something was up.