My sexual orientation has caused me a lot of headache during the last years. I'm not sure who I am. All my life I thought I was straight and nothing else than straight ( I'm 25 years old). I didn't think anything bad about homosexuals, in a way I even felt sorry for them that they are not interested in the opposite sex. When I was 18, I had a girlfriend. I lost my virginity with her and I loved her with all my strength, but for her our relationships weren't important at all. She left me and that broke my heart completely. I didn't date anyone for almost 5 years, I didn't find anyone attractive, I didn't trust anyone completely. Then I joined basketball team and there my team mate, a guy started to pay attention to me. He was doing it quite openly, but only when there were just the two of us, without other people around. He complimented me, offered to go for a cup of coffee or cinema with him. At first his attention made me very angry, but he didn't offend even when I was very harsh and rude with him. It continued for some months, all the time I stated myself as straight to him, but deep in my heart I started to feel something to him and I think he realized it too. Something warm, something that I never thought I could feel to another man, something I never felt even to that girl I loved. This feeling grew stronger every day I saw him and eventually I realized I want to kiss him. Then I left the team just to not see him anymore. But now I realize I don't see women at all. They just don't attract my attention. But I do look at men and find them hot. Could it be because of that one girl who hurt me years ago? I mean, you cannot become gay, right? You either are or you aren't, right? And if I liked women all the time, how can it be that now I don't like them at all? Thank you for reading my story and I will be waiting for your responses!
Hi Reinnux, welcome to EC! No cannot become gay, but you may have kept it hidden from yourself for your first 20 years and then the next 5 years not finding anyone (i.e. girls) attractive. It sometimes takes years for the feelings to reach your consciousness, and that event with the basketball team, that guy, suddenly woke up something important that you never noticed before. When I finally realized I was gay, suddenly everything weird or "not normal" in my earlier life made sense. Perhaps, if you search your memory you may find other clues as to your orientation.
You said you never felt this way, not even with your ex girlfriend right? It's possible you never acknowledged the fact that you could be gay and just assumed that what you were feeling was attraction to your girlfriend, but it wasn't. Some men don't realize they're gay until their 30's and 40's after they're married, have had kids, etc. You sound like you could be gay, homoflexible or even bisexual.
It's a common misconception that you can't "start" liking a gender, and that your whole life should make sense once you realize, but that's apparently not true. I read a paper on sexuality and a lot of the subjects actually didn't report knowing from a young age or being different as a child. In fact you can grow into your sexuality at any age and your whole life doesn't have to be a lie when you look back. Sexuality grows and changes. I'm not saying you're definitely gay. You could be going through some sort of a phase, your libido could be down and you developed feelings for just this one guy, or more likely you're bisexual. Just go with the flow, and like who you like. Don't freak out about it.
