I recently accepted my sexuality and feel quite comfortable with myself now. I have joined an online dating site but its not going as I expected lol. I have received a couple of messages but I don't find myself attracted to any of these guys. I'd rather be with a beautiful woman than with any of these men that messaged me. So does that mean I am not truly 100% gay? because I don't mind women, if they are really good looking then I wouldn't mind being intimate with them...or I wouldn't mind being with an average looking lady if I was drunk (as long as shes quite cute) but I have never felt those feelings of "love" towards a woman before therefore I don't think I could ever be in a relationship with a woman. when I say "don't mind" i mean just going with the flow with a woman, I don't see myself actually really wanting to kiss an attractive woman naturally but I wouldn't mind it either if say a woman decided to come on to me. Whereas when I see a really good looking guy I would feel the urge to kiss him lol. Back to the online dating...I dunno what to think really...that no really good looking guys have contacted me yet. I know I could message people myself but I am new to online dating and for now I want to see what people think of me first. Also I noticed that 99% of the people who viewed my profile are also unattractive to me...whats wrong with me? lol I'm I just aiming too high? why don't I have lower standards? anyone feel the same or felt the same in the past?
"I'm I just aiming too high?" The short answer is yes. The longer answer is more complex. Putting it simply, dating sites suck, if for now reason other than the split seems to be 70% people who don't think they are good enough for anyone, and 30% who think they are TOO good for anyone. The problem is, as far as the whole stereotypical 'looks' thing goes, they are right. I, for example, know full well that I'm not going to be pulling in any 'stunners' from just a pic and a few paragraphs about me. Apparently, neither are you. But think about that for a moment. You literally get a few pics and some space to write a little bit about yourself. Unless you find some super attractive people who aren't in the least bit shallow, they aren't going to be clicking on your profile. But you know who WILL? People arguably LESS attractive than you that think they MIGHT be in for a shot. The people who KNOW they are super hot can wait. They don't NEED to message you because they know people will message them. Should you lower your standards? Depends. On the one hand, you shouldn't settle for someone you're not attracted to, on the other hand if you're thinking you're going to pull Stud_Muffin_42, and he's going to message you first then yeah, you may well want to consider it. As for the 'am I 100% gay' question, let's be honest here. It's a funny sort of chap who considers 'not disgusted by women' as attraction. You know, I wouldn't MIND sleeping in the same bed as one of those 'real dolls', but I sure as hell wouldn't CHOOSE to.
Thank you so much for your response. Its very insightful. I might give one of the really good looking guys a message and see what happens. Just to confirm to myself they are way above my league. No harm in trying I guess. About the "not disgusted by women as attraction". Its weird because if a nice looking lady asked me to sleep with her with no strings attached then I think I really would and I think I'd also enjoy it. Not that that has ever happened to me lol. But I just don't naturally fancy/fall in love with women. Also about really good looking people. I know this one guy who is extremely handsome and who I'd consider above my league. But his boyfriend is the complete opposite in my opinion and I don't find myself attracted to his bf at all, in fact his bf would be one of the guys who'd I'd ignore on a dating site. So I guess that backs up the part where you talked about dating site profiles being of just a photo and a few sentences. Also it gives me the hope that I can bag a handsome guy some day :lol:
On whether or not you're 100% gay: that's a tough question to answer, and incidentally one I am trying to answer myself. For the last four months or so, I have exclusively pursued guys. I've lost almost all interest in pursuing women, and I don't think I could easily fall in love with a woman. But like you, if the opportunity to sleep with an attractive woman presented itself, I certainly wouldn't turn it down. And before I accepted that I was attracted to men, I slept with women, enjoyed it, and had no trouble with arousal. So that being said, what am I? Technically, I suppose I'm bisexual. But I feel more gay than anything. Ultimately though, I don't really care "what I am". Labels are kind of silly.
You could be homoflexible (gays who engage in intercourse with the opposite sex, but don't pursue a romantic relationship with them). As for the attraction thing, I can totally relate. I can look at a picture of a girl and be like "she's cute", but my stomach doesn't flip or anything like that. I have to see her in person before "real" attraction begins (palms sweating, heart racing, non stop thinking about her). Pictures just don't do anything for me. Get to know the guys a bit first in person before you just shoot them down. Don't judge a book by its cover. You might end up being pleasantly surprised.
Thank you for the replies. I guess I am homoflexible then and even though I don't mind women. I know for sure that I cannot feel emotionally connected to a woman as strongly as I can with a guy. So I guess I will continue to find a relationship with a guy instead. thanks
