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Lesbians, how did you know?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Laura27, Jan 1, 2014.

  1. Laura27

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    Hello everyone,

    I've posted countless threads regarding this issue on this site. But I do really want to know: how did you know that you solely liked girls, and not guys? Personally I don't believe it's a black and white issue. Have you never felt anything for a guy? Don't you even like the attention you get from men? What's different between the feelings you've had for men than those you have for women? Can't you get turned on by men at all? Do you have any experience with men when it comes to relationships?

    Background as to why I'm asking: At this moment I believe I am bisexual and biromantic. So I should be able to swing both ways. Last year I dated a girl. But every time I have planned a date with a guy that is serious about me and I see a cute gay/bi girl, I get an anxious feeling in my chest. Like I'm going the wrong way. Even though I sometimes get butterflies and I can see him together with me.

    At this moment, there is a guy that is pretty awesome (same interests, intelligent, funny) so I decided to ask him out. He is quite serious and apps me all the time. And because of the anxious feeling that sometimes strangles me, I now have given my phone number to a girl, am planning to go out gay, am watching videos of lesbian couples (lucylyn, rose and rosy) on the internet and have posted message on a lesbian dating site which last time resulted in an amazing girl that I still am in touch with.

    I would like to hear your story and your experiences with women and men, so I can stop making myself absolutely crazy :grin:

    alvast bedankt :slight_smile:
     
  2. Black Swan

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    Attraction is a complicated thing. You may never know for sure. I really started to feel stuff for girls when I hit puberty, and I know that I like them solely for many reasons.

    1. What I feel for girls, I never feel for guys. Although I did have boy crushes when I was little, I was only feeling what I thought I was supposed to, it wasn't real attraction.

    2. A guy once kissed me, and I hated it. I hated that he liked me, and I felt gross afterwards. No, I didn't enjoy the attention, and the only time I ever do is when I need an ego boost. The rest of the time, males freak me out.

    3. I can only ever imagine being happy with another woman. Yes guys can be Ok. No I wouldn't want a relationship, and I know deep down that I could never feel true LOVE for a guy.


    Personally, you sound bi to me. But no one can tell you your orientation, except for you. Hopefully you found my answer useful, and my advice would be not to stress over your orientation, you'll figure it out eventually.
     
  3. stocking

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    I just recently found out i'm a lesbian i always thought i was bi but I only have sexual attraction to women and romantic as well there was one guy I was in love with but he actually looked like a girl and i never saw him naked . Plus had had crush on a guy in years and i only liked 3 guys my whole life one a celebrity and the other 2 because they were good looking i never connected with them emotionally , I just thought they looked good . looking back at it i could never imagine myself having sex with them or ever had sexual fantasies about them at all but with girls i like i have the fantasies and connections . I don't get turned on at all seeing a guy naked but with girls i always do and even around good looking guys i feel nothing romantic towards them i don't even want to kiss them. I can only see guys as friends that's all i can be to them . If i had a husband i would probably be cheating on him with women behind his back . :grin: I even knew this as a little girl that i get bored with men and would cheat on them with women .
    Yep that's how i know now .
     
  4. lovely lesbian

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    I only found out I was a lesbian last year always knew really from an early age always made my barbie dolls kiss Each other just things like that never really fancied boys well one but he turned out to be gay so but that was in high school
     
  5. EvilRegal

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    My experience is a lot like Black Swan's. I tried dating a guy once, he kissed me and I was repulsed. And I was never comfortable with him, ever. I can find guys attractive, but not sexually attractive. I can never imagine myself having sex with a man or being in a relationship with one. You do sound more bisexual to me as well but as said, no one can tell you what your sexual identity is.
     
  6. Huma

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    I liked men emotionally, while I like women physically, sexually and emotionally.

    My journey has been a spiritual one. I used to have dreams about naked women. I always liked the female body, particularly the soft, pink V in the middle.
     
  7. lovely lesbian

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    And I just took the Kinsey scale test and it just told me so never knew what that was Till now lol
     
  8. nikidion

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    What's the problem? You don't believe that homosexuality exists - ok, then don't refer to yourself as a lesbian. That's it. Simple as that. And stop trying to put everyone in your box.
     
  9. lovely lesbian

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    Sorry! Didn't mean to offend anyone.
     
  10. WallWeed

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    After years of trying to find ANY sorts of attraction to men and failing, it finally occurred to me that I'm not changing and I only swing one way. I've never experienced any attraction towards men, loathed every minute of the sensual experience I had, and I'm deeply annoyed by attention from men. On the other hand, I've fallen head over heels in love with a woman more than once.
     
  11. itsonlyrelative

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    1. Rose and Rosie are adorable

    2. I was always attracted to girls physically, emotionally and sexually but I really tried to it deny even to myself. It got much harder in 8th grade and high school because I started to develop crushes on girls. I tried dating guys because I thought that maybe I was bisexual (still going through hardcore denial), but I was really only connecting to them on a level slightly deeper than friendship...I don't even think it could have been considered emotionally. I was just going by what my friends told me I should have been feeling and what I saw in their relationships. Being in "straight" relationships were hard for me to deal with because I just didn't like his attention and it felt gross being with him physically. Eventually I admitted to myself that I was in denial and I wasn't bisexual.
     
  12. silverhalo

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    Hey I don't know if I have the answers you seek but I will tell you a bit about my story and then you can take anything from it you think might be helpful.

    I didn't work out I was gay until I was in my mid twenties. I had never had a boyfriend or done anything with a guy. I had always wondered growing up why I never seemed to get so besotted with guys like my friends did, I wasn't repulsed by guys I just wasn't massively into them either. I always used to think that I would grow into it and that it was because I was shy or because I was concentrating on my studies. I think if I had been more outgoing or better looking I probably would have ended up getting a boyfriend at least once. The thing was whilst I wasn't massively attracted to guys I also hadn't noticed any attraction to girls either. Looking back now knowing what I know, I think my attraction to girls growing up manifested itself into me just feeling like I wanted a best friend and to be really close to someone.

    Unlike some gay girls I am not repulsed by guys even know I am out as gay and in a relationship to a girl, I can still tell you which guys I find more attractive and whilst I don't usually get any, I think I would enjoy male attention as long as it wasn't intimidating. Im not sure I could get turned on by a guy, but I couldn't say 100% for sure.
     
  13. MossyCave

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    I'm not a lesbian, but maybe you just need to be with a girl to get it out of your system? It does sound like you have attraction to guys, the strangling feeling is usually a giveaway that suggests you're in denial, but that doesn't sound like you?
    Is it possible that you're afraid to commit to a guy because of your attraction to women that is stronger than your attraction to men? It could be that you're afraid to let it happen at all for fear of hurting him.
     
  14. thekillingmoon

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    I'll try to answer, although it's an individual experience for everybody.

    Have you never felt anything for a guy?
    I had crushes on guys when I was younger. There were never any strong feelings and I didn't really know what I wanted back then. I was always in doubt whether those were friendly feelings or romantic feelings.

    Don't you even like the attention you get from men?
    I used to sometimes because I was curious about dating in general and thought I was straight, then bi. I just didn't want to get physical with them.

    What's different between the feelings you've had for men than those you have for women?
    It's a lot more intense with women and it made me understand what romantic and sexual attraction is supposed to feel like.

    Can't you get turned on by men at all?
    I don't think so. Sex with a man sounds very unappealing to me and I'm not interested in it.

    Do you have any experience with men when it comes to relationships?
    I had gone on dates with guys when I was still questioning my orientation. I thought if I got a boyfriend, it would make all the confusion in my head go away. There was one guy that I went out with for about a month. It wasn't official though. I liked him as a person and we had some common interests, but I felt like something was missing. I didn't feel romantic with him. I didn't have sex with him either. Physical contact was pretty awkward. Like we'd watch a movie at his place and he'd put his arm around me and it was awkward, not in a good way where you're shy but really happy at the same time. I wanted to like him but I felt unhappy, so eventually I broke up with him. And I found myself being drawn to women more and more and didn't feel like dating guys.
     
  15. lauren15

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    The thing is, I still find men attractive, which for a while made me think that I was bisexual, but then I got a boyfriend and realized that it was not something I wanted at all. I still do that; I will be able to find men attractive, but I am only sexually and emotionally attracted to women.
     
  16. fortheloveoflez

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    Intro: I used to talk about guys all the time. I also used to have a whole bunch of posters of guys. It took me a while to realize that I was doing it all wrong. But you have to realize that it's hard. Why is it hard? because you are brainwashed, indoctrinated, raised and praised since birth to be heterosexual. This is why I think that for a lot of people they first might think they are hetero or bi before they realize the truth (not all are like this though). On the flip side, you are held away from information about lgbt people, told indirectly that that is wrong, punished and ostracized for being lgbt from birth! So no wonder people have a very hard time coming to terms with their TRUE feelings! Whether we like it or not we care how the group perceives us; we are hard wired to.

    For a long time I would have never thought that I'm gay. I was told that whatever I was feeling had to be heterosexual so it was weird to then come to terms with the fact that I'm gay since it's not like I got to feel a comparison of the two. I had a boyfriend...or a few...and I remember getting into arguments with my significant other a lot. He never did any thing wrong I think just deep down I was suffocating in the relationship and I felt so incredibly unfulfilled in the physical aspects. It just felt like a chore. It was like "ok I guess he was nice today so I'll do that.." kind of thing. I recall taking broken friendships with some females who I liked a lot harder than my break ups with guys. In fact, I felt kind of relieved to get out of those. Everything would feel better though when I was friends with my exes....then I actually enjoyed hanging out with them. I remember falling madly in love with a classmate of mine. She was all I thought about for years. If she smiled at me or if she called me to spend time with her I was in heaven. I couldn't stop smiling. I also couldn't stop crying if I didn't see her for a long time. All I wanted was to be with her. I thought she was the most beautiful thing in the world. Not only that, I remember whenever she would do as little as to touch my hand I'd feel this euphoria. I never never felt that with any of my ex boyfriends. I did however feel that with a couple other girls. The attraction never felt dull or forced.....it was actually hard to get my eyes off of women that I liked! That's when I realized that I have a strong affinity to some women and men don't do any thing for me in that context, I just like men as friends.
     
  17. Winter

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    I never understood what the fuss was about regarding boys.