Hello everyone, First of all, sorry for my bad English, it’s not my maternal language. Am new here and I need help as I don’t know who I am anymore. Am a straight(I think) black woman of 30 years of age having since one year realize my attraction to gays. At first I thought that it was because I had so much bad relationship with straight male that my mind transferred all this attraction to the gay population but I was wrong. When I told my friends about my attraction, they all(every single one of them) told me that I was mad, that I needed to get treated, that I had a perverted mind etc etc. So I’ve began to look for answers through the net… unfortunately it was not satisfying and some answers were disturbing. Here I am still looking for answers as I’ve began to read, watch gay romance (pxxn also), marriage proposal, wedding all related to the LGBT Community wishing that it was me in their shoes. I need to know what i am... if anyone can help me find the answer.
Welcome to EC! Hopefully you won't get any disturbing answers, it's a nice bunch on here. So to get the ball rolling. What is it that you find attractive about gay men that you don't find in straight men (or what are your ideas as to what gay men are like)? When you say you want to be "in their shoes"- do you mean that you sometimes think you want to be a gay man in a gay relationship? And don't mind what your friends said. It's not abnormal and it's not perverted, it's just nature. You certainly don't need treatment which in any case wouldn't change anything.
Hi, There can be several reasons. some of them: You may be scared of another relationship, but you still want to be with a man - a gay man would be "safe." or It's "an ungettable get"... It's a challenge. It's the same reason why women are sometimes attracted to priests. Or straight men that want to sleep with lesbians. A challenge.
As said above, there can be several reasons. What kind of gay guys are you attracted to? All of them? Only the feminine ones? Do they have something in common? What personal qualities and characteristics in them are you attracted to? When you wish to be 'in their shoes', are those wishes both non-sexual and sexual and do you imagine yourself as a man or a woman? You had a relationship with a straight man before. Were you attracted to him? etc. Don't worry and take your time, you'll figure that out :icon_bigg
Hello, I don't think you are perverted or mad. And you are definitely not alone. I also am attracted to gays, though I also find many straight guys attractive, but I fantasize about gay sex almost exclusively. I ”fell in love” with gay romance etc after accidentally seeing a romantic gay program. So it feels like I just ”discovered” this fascination with gays after the initial trigger... Why do you think your relationship with your ex was so bad? Were you happy with the sexual aspect and if not, what were you unhappy about more specifically?
Hi everyone, thanks for the big welcome and trying to help me. That's what happen in the first place... i got curious and then i began to watch closely my gay friends, read article and i couldn't stop. As for my past relationship i fell in love(true love) only once with a straight man but it didn't work out . For my other relationship let's say that some lie to me about being single, and one fled with my savings(he was the last man i was with ). The feminines ones i just want to befriend them, am actracted mainly to those common gay guy where you won't know if he is gay or not . Maybe, my last relationship destroyed my beliefs, my trust and since then i've refused to date a straight men. Maybe am wrong for others, but most of my gay friends are honest with each other, they won't lead you to something they are not. YES I WANT to be in their shoes. Every time i imagine myself as a man in love with another man. Also i wanted to say that since i lost my virginity at 20 i've never never never had an orgasm (is it because of my attraction to gay men, that i didn't know at that time ??), i don't even enjoy it. It's so frustrating ...
I may be wrong but it seems to me that you're straight and are longing for a loving relationship with a man. You've gone through some bad relationships with men so you created this "ideal man" fantasy. It happened that you see the ideal as a gay man because they seem to be "honest with each other", what's probably the quality you desire in your partner the most, especially after being betrayed and not treated well. imo About the orgasm part, I wouldn't say that there's necessarily a connection between not being able to reach an orgasm during sex and your attraction to gay men. Be honest, there are many women who are not able to climax without clitoral stimulation and many men who just stick it in without even enough foreplay. On the other hand, there are many women who still enjoy sex without an orgasm, who loves the intimacy between them and their partner.
Hey Brownrella. Welcome to EC. (*hug*) First, I wanted to let you know how sorry that I am you were treated the way you were by the straight men you've dated in the past. However, it doesn't sound like to me that the way you've been treated is influencing the way that you are feeling. I want to focus in on this bit here that you've written. You said that you imagine yourself as a man who is in love with another man. Do you often feel more masculine or feminine? Do you ever imagine yourself as a man in other situations, outside of gay romantic relationships? Is your desire to be a man who is in love with another man, or do you simply mean that you wish you were in his place (but you as a woman)?
Hi thank you . I don’t feel more masculine or feminine by the way (pfff… I know am a complicated case), outside of a relationship it does not happen every time only when I see a bunch of guys… wishing that I was like them. When I see myself in love with a man it’s not as a woman (definitely not ) but as a man.
Are you able to reach an orgasm through masturbation? Are you aroused and otherwise comfortable when you're with a man? If you answered yes to both of these, then I think your problem is because of the methods (which sounds like a common problem). In my understanding not only some, but actually most, women needs clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. I think if you're with a man, you should discuss your needs with him and how to fulfill them.
Maybe you're drawn to the idea of how liberating and equal same sex relationships are, not bound by traditional gender roles like heterosexual relationships. Men often don't see a woman as an equal and they would treat another man as an equal in a relationship. You can have an amazing bond with a person of the same gender. So what I'm trying to say is you want something like that and you want it with a man, not with a woman. But you haven't met a straight man who could reciprocate such connection.
The funniest part is that i don't even masturbate as i've tried and i don't feel nothing. i have a friend with benefits who has tried to help me but he was unsuccessful. I like to cuddle, kiss , touch but when it comes to penetration, i feel nothing, i don't even enjoy it.
If you feel you'd like to learn, maybe you should read some more about masturbation (and make sure you're aroused before trying to do it)... It doesn't work the same way for everybody and I imagine it would be especially difficult for a man to teach you as they may not know themselves... And I'm not into penetration either, that is completely fine, also there is no need to have intercourse if you don't like it. I also think you might be interested in gays because of not getting sexual satisfaction as a woman? Because for men it seems so easy.
This is actually very helpful information. It's hard to say for certain, as I have no personal experience with this issue, but it sounds like the core of your issue might involve Gender Identity and Expression. Check that forum over here. I don't want to speculate as it's not something I've had personal experience with, and Gender Identity is a complicated topic. However, a lot of the issues you seem to be having could potentially stem from that. You may benefit with speaking to some of the transmen on the forums, and in particular gay transmen. These are individuals whose assigned gender was female, who've taken steps to transition to men, and who are sexually attracted to men. Asking them about their stories may help you find parallels in your own, and bring you closer to some sort of understanding.
