I'm not very sure how to use this site. I'm 16 and have been with my boyfriend for over 18 months now, over a year of which we have been having sex. Neither of us have any experience before each other. In this whole time, not once have I had an orgasm or really been that interested so not long ago my friend suggested maybe I'm a lesbian and I just hadn't realised. As soon as she did I became anxious and worried and so down straight away, and it has lead to me splitting up with my boyfriend because I'm always unhappy and feel like it's unfair towards him. I could never imagine myself going out with or being in a relationship with a girl, but I do feel like I get turned on when I imagine sex with a girl or see a picture of a girl - more than I do than when I imagine sex with a boy. I've never felt attracted or had a 'crush' on a girl, so why do I feel this way? I'm unsure if it's all in my head as a reason why I don't orgasm, or it is the reason. Or maybe because we both don't have much experience? I'm so confused, I love my boyfriend so much and I'm so upset that we split up but I just don't know what to do. At first i didn't tell him the reason but when I did, he was dismissive and said that it was all in my head, my friend and mum have been supportive, I just need advice.
There's a few things you'll have to ask yourself, mind you these ARE personal questions: Have you ever viewed lesbian (MADE FOR LESBIANS) porn, and gotten off to it? Have you ever gotten off to porn that depicts a male? Are you interested in sex with a female, like would you physically have sex with a woman (does not have to be a romantic interest) Are you interested in sex in general? (A question to see if you're possibly asexual) Romantic/Sexual orientation differences can be very complicated. One can be a homosexual panromantic, one can be an asexual heteroromantic, one can be a bisexual and homoromantic. If you have romantic feelings for your boyfriend, you have a romantic interest in males. Picturing a homosexual relationship IS very unusual at first. When I accepted myself and went out with my first girlfriend, it felt awkward for an entire month. I've accepted it a few months beforehand and I was still like, "This is odd." It's all new and hard to comprehend and there really isn't a simplistic way to figure out rather than just experimenting and being open-minded. I've also heard that most women cannot orgasm through penetration, but if you've shown no interest beforehand than maybe either A) Straight sex isn't for you or B) You may be asexual (Asexuals can still orgasm and whatnot, but they generally have little to NO interest in sexual relations) I say, relax and take things slow. Try imagining yourself with females, try seeing if you have a sexual attraction to them, and don't throw away the idea of being with a female right away. Sexuality is very complex, just go with the flow of life and it may be clearer for you down the road. Best of luck!
I believe it is not so unsual for young girls to not have orgasm. It doesn't mean that you are a lesbian. You can be, but the decision should probably not be based just on this fact.
It seems like your super worried, as I am myself. It's okay to be confused and question. I'm not going to tell you to stop worrying; because you and I both know that, that Is impossible. If you want some relief, ask yourself "can i stop worrying?". It gives you more leeway. Where you can not worry if u want to, but if u really need to worry u can. It makes the situation a tad less stressful when you are given a choice rather than being told to do something like "stop worrying". So keep that in mind. Put aside the worrying now and going to your sexual orientation, it's going to be confusing, you will feel pushing and pulling with labels if that is what you are looking for. So you shall do what everyone else here will tell you to. They will give great tips and information. I'm posting to you because I know your worried and I'm trying to work on that to just calm you a little bit. And btw, maybe the sex just was not good and that's why you did not like it so much. And also, if u checked just now during your worrying if you get "excited" from pictures of girls then it's gunna be to hard to tell as there are many factors that can come into play. So my ultimate advice is this: go see a therapist, it will be great to actually clear your mind and talk to a professional face to face. I do it, it's no big deal at all. There is NO judgment at all. It's great and I'm positive there will be a load off of your shoulders l. Its good that you told your parents, ik it felt good when I told my parents, I didn't feel alone. The more you get it out and tell people the better it becomes. But I do NOT advise going around telling your friends. What I Mean by telling people is like what you did, your parents and maybe your brother or sister, and then talk to a therapist. They can guide you in a good manner. Just make sure you choose the right one. They will guide you the right way and will not push you one way or the other. Good luck, if you need more help let me know.
You're right, I am super worried like all of the time, i have an awful anxious feeling and can never relax but i don't know why because i know if i am gay it doesn't matter, i think its just the fact that i want to know for sure now. Whats confusing me loads is that i've always imagined my future getting married to a man, and i still couldn't imagine being in a relationship with a girl, or even know where to start if i wanted to - i couldnt ever imagine flirting or just holding hands with a girl. And although some people say that they suddenly realise, surely people have some idea or indication from when they're younger? Yeah a few of my friends have said they don't orgasm, but they still talk about wanting to have sex whereas i'm not so bothered. Until my friend suggested i could be a lesbian i'd never even thought of it, and i would just find pictures of girls boring and scroll past them. I don't know whether the anxiety is just putting it all in my head or not.
Yes it's possible that can happen! If that is your only source of thinking your lesbian then I wouldn't even count it. Not having an orgasm does not make you lesbian at all ! Don't worry, that seems to be the only proof you have for being lesbian, and it's honestly a horrible piece of proof because it does not mean your lesbian! Lol But please before this gets any worst, Reaserch therapists please, and find the right one before this can get out of hand even further. And during finding yourself out don't let anything get in the way. If you have gay fantasies so what. Your experimenting and being curious figuring out who you are. In the end if you find out your striaght, you can be 100% sure then because u experimented and everything. That seven being more sure than a person who says they are straight and ha s never experimented, because how can they know for sure they don't like the same sex? So try to enjoy this! Ik it's going to he hard too but no worries! It seems as if your straight! But please go see a therapist! I'm begging you to do so! It helps a ton! :icon_bigg ---------- Post added 4th Jan 2014 at 03:42 PM ---------- When I said "yes its possible" it was regarding the question if it can all be in your head from anxiety! Lol
It's possible that being anxious can make you question your sexuality and bug you out a bit. But don't rush into conclusions either, or brush it off. Do you do the same for males and do you have interest in sex? Forget orgasm, I'm talking about the emotional and romantic aspect. I'm a bit confused because of your first post. You say a female can turn you on more than a male does, but now you say you find them boring. I say, deal with one issue at a time. You can start with the emotional aspect, then sexual, then romantic or any combination. Sexual arousal does not always equal to romantic attraction and vice-versa. Lack of sexual interest in either or general is--again, asexual. Going to the first bolded part, do you like it once in awhile or truly just not ever interested? There's a lot of questions to ask and surely answer as well. Ultimately, though, do you still love your boyfriend? Romantically? Sex isn't always important, I say you should speak to your ex about it and discuss about the possibility of being bisexual/lesbian/or asexual (if you haven't already, the way you transitioned sounded a bit like you jumped the gun and freaked out, which is normal). Or you can just sort your feelings out first.
About finding them boring, i meant before my friend ever even suggested that i could be lesbian, i wouldnt even pay attention to the pictures, which is another reason i think it could all be in my head, surely i cant just turn lesbian over night? It's the romantic and sexual attraction that's confusing me the most because as i said before, I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with a woman and always picture being married to a man. Yes i do like it once in a while and yes i still love my boyfriend a lot. We've talked and he says i just need to try and work things out, but like I've told him, that could take years or i could just stop being anxious and realise its all in my head.
