When I came to the conclusion I was demi, I experienced a mixture of emotions. I was happy that there was a term for how I felt, then I was upset because I was "different". I felt like, and still occasionally feel like there is something wrong with me. I associated it with celibacy, even though I know that is not true. Demisexuality is about a lack of physical/sexual attraction, unless the emotional component is there first, not celibacy. I was crushed, well not a first but after I let it sink in a bit, and still sort am. I want a husband, I want children, I want it all, but I feel like my dreams have been taken away because I can't be celibate and be wife and mother. They do not go hand in hand, they just don't. This does, however, explain why I am 24 and still a "super virgin" (haven't even been kissed yet). If I do not find people physically how am I suppose to find a someone to love, or at least date? I do not go up and talk with people because they are "good looking", but that seems like how people meet each other. So much of our culture is based around the idea of beauty and sex, but this means nothing to me. I do not care about it, because I do not understand it. There are so many more important things than looks, but with a culture so heavy focused on appearances I feel like I am strange because these mean nothing to me. I just do not know what to do. How am I suppose to find someone, if physical attraction means nothing to me? I am attracted to people emotionally or to their character, but for this I need to meet and talk with people and that is just so easy as an introvert. I feel like I am screwed. I believe that we are all the way we are, because that is how God created us to be, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it. I do not like, or want this. I talked with one of the staff members at church about this a little bit ago, and he said that this probably God just leading me down a different road. He has a different plan for me. It is huge responsibility to have a spouse and maybe God has other plans for me, and I won't have to deal with these responsibilities. The thing is, I want these responsibilities, I want someone to love and take care of. And if this is truly God's plan for me to not have these responsibilities I think I will be pissed about it. I want this and I feel like God was just like, "nope, change of plans". Maybe I can find someone, but how? I do not know how to date or begin to look for someone. I am completely lacking those pieces of information.
First off, (*hug*) for you. As far as your situation goes...I'd like to tell you that it's okay to wait, and the right person will come along, and so on and so forth, but I realize that's rarely comforting in the moment. But, since you mentioned that you talked to someone at your church and didn't seem to get the answers you were looking for, have you thought about talking to someone at a different church? I'm assuming nobody has a "stick with us or else" policy, and if someone else could help you, it's worth a shot. Let me know if you want to talk more in detail about it, maybe we can figure something out.
Thanks. It just sucks seeing my friends and family all getting married and having kids, and I am still single. I can bit jealous at times, oops. I can try talking with someone at a different church. I am a part of three different churches in one way or another and they are all pretty different from one another. There is the church that I attend at school, which is where I talked with someone about me being demi. The person I talked to is a part of my Bible study group, so I trust him a lot. There are a few others in that know, but not many, some of which are in that church. I have also sorta, talked with one of the pastors at the youth group that I am part of, with different church, but still at school, and she said that there is nothing against in the Bible so don't worry, if anything it would be praised. But that was the extent of the conversation. It barely lasted a minute or two. Then there is my church at home, but I have not told anyone there, and do not plan on it. I do not go there very often, that is a whole nother story entirely. None of the churches have the "stick with us or else policy", but with the exception of my home church, they would notice if I just stopped attending. My home church is used to it because of school. I will have to let you know if I want to talk more. This was more of blowing of steam than anything else. I have no one to talk to about it at home, so this has been building for weeks. With exception of my twin sister and my Dad, but I do not think he understands, no one knows at home. I do not plan on telling the rest of my family, and I have no friends in my home town to talk to, so I have no option but to bottle things up.
Absolutely take your time. The only thing I'll say at the moment is that bottling feelings up may not really help in the long run - or even the short run. If you need this sort of attention now, don't be afraid to speak up, whether here on EC, to other people at your churches, or elsewhere. And it's hard to watch other people get married, etc., particularly when we want those things for ourselves. But it doesn't mean you can't still be part of the family, and part of their lives in particular - nor does it mean they don't want you around (far from it, I'm sure!). All the best. (*hug*)
I know bottling my feelings is not the best, but I have no one to talk to about it at home, besides online. My family has an interesting dynamic. We love each other, but we also like to fight we each other. Luckily I will be back at school in less than a week and I have friends there and an amazing roommate, who has been for all of this. He was there when I found out, and is the person who told me about EC, well he had talked with me about it for almost a year, before I eventually joined bucked up the courage to join. I do not really trust my home church that much, especially with something like this. I might try to talk with someone else from church at school or have another conversation with the person that I talked with last time. It does suck and I know I shouldn't get jealous, and for the most part they want me. I think I am going to a bridesmaid in my friends wedding in September, I am pretty sure but I haven't heard anything about it for awhile. It just sucks that none of them live near me. There are of course the people you think you are friends with but only find out later it is not the case, such as finding out they got married and didn't invite you, but we all have "friends" like that.
I think that school and work environment are good for meeting new people, and getting to know them better, in rather natural way. At least it worked for me. :icon_wink Just don't give up and stay true to yourself.
Thanks. I am sure that if there is someone out there for me, I will find him. I am just struggling with trying to understand being demi. 2013 was such a crazy year for me and this just added to it. So much happened last year that I just couldn't comprehend it all, so I had to push this to the side and slowly work it on. So now that things have calmed down this the new thing that I have to deal with.
