Alright, so I'll keep this simple so it doesn't get too long or confusing. I'm an 18 year old guy, and over the past 6 months ive really been confused with my sexual orientation. I can say that my whole life I have felt different from everyone else, I always had trouble socializing with guys from middle school on ever since I started to be attracted to people. I used to get bullied and called "Gay" for how I acted in middle school, and had parents that would talk to me about how being gay was bad. I had middle school girlfriends but that doesn't mean much. I only dated a few girls in high school, it never lasted long and just didn't work out. I know I'm attracted to guys in all the physical and emotional ways, I recently had a huge crush on a guy and had never felt that strongly about anyone that way, but he didn't feel as strongly about me. The confusing part is even after I'm ready to identify as gay I always second guess myself about how I feel about girls. I don't think im physically or really emotionally attracted to girls. I don't check them out, I can just appreciate if they are pretty. I always feel like it would be uncomfortable and have a lot of respect for them. I feel like growing up in a heterosexual aimed world influenced all that stuff. I always think well maybe since I dated girls in the past I might still like them, and I don't think I do. For some reason I don't want to identify as bisexual and I know im not straight, I just want to be able to know for sure im gay and deep down be okay with it and stop questioning what if. I know its possible to fall in between the to because not everyone is exclusively any orientation. Only 5 friends know about this, and I wonder if I keep second guessing because of fear or if its a last resort or what. I know how I feel about guys, I just can't get the girls situation under control even though I tell myself I know what I want. So at this point I don't know what to do..
What you've said there does makes it sound like you are Gay or Bi, with a strong leaning toward gay, so you should have enough evidence in order to convince yourself that you are. The one main element I feel you need to add is time. Don't try force yourself into a label, don't even feel the need to have one, just take time to be happy in your own skin. There may be a little bit of fear or self doubt within you that is causing concern, that's normal. Just be sure it doesn't prevent you from finding happiness and pressure you into taking actions you might not be ready for. Another thing that goes a long way towards helping us understand ourselves is experience. (Not sure how much you have in this area) When you find a guy you have, reciprocated, feelings for and you start a relationship, it's possible you will start to realise and be able to accept who you are more readily. I know that saying "Give it time" and "Don't worry" isn't super helpful, but I do feel it's the best thing. Learning to understand and accept something as complex and as identity-defining as our sexuality can take time, it's ok to let it.
Thanks! That does make a lot of sense, I just don't know how I would even go about finding someone to date without having something to come out as. It seems like finding someone to date is harder for LGBT people. I know I want a relationship but it seems intimidating when I see other gay couples. I know I'm ready for someone, things just seem so new and intimidating since I've never really let myself explore this area.
Yeah that can indeed be difficult, I wouldn't worry to much about being out before you date someone, just be open and honest about your feelings/intensions should someone ask. I'd say a lot of guys that are gay or bi went through the same period of questioning so would likely understand. Also I often feel that there is also too much added pressure when your actively looking for someone. Best results, in my mind at least, should just happen. But both are very hard unless you are actually putting yourself out there to the right people. Another one of those time things.
