Ok so I know I'm gay. I've developed attraction towards a straight male in the past and he was always on my mind. I also felt sexual attraction towards him. I came out in 2012. My question: What does acceptance feel like? It's alsmost as if I am seeking some other feeling or mental gratification or something. It's hard to explain. Before I came out I felt mental stress and pressure, and since coming out its as if my mind has greatly expanded and opened up to a point where there is literally no pressure at all. I don't know if this is healthy or if it is a mental health issue. I kind of feel "empty" and emotionally numb (ie when I laugh I can't feel the emotion behind the laughter...physically I laugh but emotionally I feel numbess it seems) :s ?? Thoughts??
I don't think becoming emotionally numb is a typical reaction to coming out...although I suppose if you've spent a long time dealing with lots of negative emotions then it makes sense that it might happen...it's probably worth seeing someone about it though if it doesn't improve.
Yeah I'm in the midst of talking with people. And I was suppressing all of my emotions prior to coming out, which isnt healthy at all. On top of that I was suppressing my FEELINGS towards a straight friend. Not good. But, thats the past and I'm doing my best to move on... Numbness aside, what does self-acceptance feel like to you?
I don't know that I'm the respondant you seek, but your question is just something that hits home, though differently for me. I'm not out and I don't think I've really accepted it, either - I'm still not okay with it, though I'm beginning to feel a sense of resignation, but ever since everything started falling apart, I've been feeling the same way (not all the time, and not in all manners). For me, it's mostly person-to-person interactions - sometimes it gets to the point that I feel like I'm playing sims with my world. It's mindlessly entertaining, but it seems as if you've lost the ability to feel. So yeah, I'm probably not even being helpful here- I guess all I'm saying is that I feel the same emptiness you speak of.
I'd say acceptance is when it's no longer a big deal to you. It's just a part of your life, like any other characteristic of yours.
