Hi everyone, First I just wanna say thank you for reading what I am about to write, it means a lot to me that you are reading this in order to try to help me. Let me tell you my story. So, about a year and a half ago I began liking a guy. I am a 20 year old male and I had just begun college. He was a guy who went to my same school and continued to study with me in college. Paired with me liking this guy begun a period of a lot of anxiety. It was mostly related to being with him or not being with him. This continued for a whole year and, around december (in a twist to the story) he began dating a girl. We had never done anything nor talked about or sexuality but he surely did act different around me and towards me. Lets just say im 100% sure he was gay. During the summer, I made a move on him and he backed off. So I decided in to let him go. I began this year ignoring completely the matter of my sexuality. Although I had felt this guy had introduced me into the world of falling for guys I was not brave enough to begin living the gay life. Around May all hell went loose regarding college and I broke down, had severe anxiety for months. In September I finally decided I had to do something about my anxiety and I came out to my parents. I have come out to a couple of female friends since ( no male friends yet). A couple of weeks ago I met a guy who I really like. And here's the big problem. I do like this guy but when we go to bed (we haven't had sex yet) I have strong anxiety. I ruminate over what's gonna happen next, think if I am enjoying the moment or not, think over every move I or he makes. This has led to me doubting my sexuality. My thought goes like this, I should be relaxed and enjoy the moment with this guy, if I am not enjoying it as much as I thought it must mean I am not gay. I have had gay thoughts ever since I can remember and have never doubted being gay. It seems strange that these thoughts seep in after coming out and when I am starting my first gay relationship. I would really appreciate your thoughts or opinions on the matter. If you have any questions or need me to explain something in more detail I would be happy to. Thank you again!!
Dude, relax. So you're nervous near the guy. That's a pretty normal reaction, and I wouldn't worry about it. Unavoidably, you're going to be nervous sometimes. It happens. And this doesn't suggest that you aren't gay- you don't have to prove yourself to anyone. What's important is that you love him, and that the feeling is mutual. I would advise you to try and take on a more relaxed, Zen-like approach to the situation, if possible. Don't feel pressured into acting gay, or living the gay life. All you have to be is you, and you should decide what that means. If you are a "girly-guy", the type that gay men are often stereotyped as, be that, if that is truly who you are. If not, then don't do that. Etc, etc. I haven't the slightest idea if any of this is helpful, or if it's just rambling on about irrelevant information. In any case, I'm glad to help- if you want, PM me- but be forewarned, I'm on and off this site randomly, so I can't promise a prompt reply, but you can expect one sooner or later. -BP
