I have one major issue, it's not that I'm afraid of being bisexual, or lesbian. It's not that I'm afraid of coming out, although I'll admit there would be members of my family for whom that may not be an easy conversation. It's not that I'm afraid to be myself. It's that I don't know what that is...and I'm afraid to be wrong. I'll start from the beginning, well not the very beginning! I'm a 21 year old female, when I was 14 I had a boyfriend with whom I was, on minimal occasions, sexually active. Though by that, at the age of 14, quite innocent and at an all girls school, I mean that he had soggy boxers and had his fingers doing something awkward in my knickers. Fun . When I was 15, a relationship started up with a lesbian friend of mine. After a while together, we told my closest friends but my family never knew, as far as they were concerned, we were just good friends. At this stage in my life, I don't know why I so badly didn't want to tell my very accepting mother, but I didn't and my girlfriend didn't pressure me to. Again we were intimate, but nothing more than hands were involved. That relationship lasted a few months, and once it was over I guess I put it down to a 'phase'. Since then I've been 'Straight', lost my virginity, had a few flings and a boyfriend (not at the same time, I'll add!) albeit, not for long. But somehow I just don't know. I watch lesbian porn, I sign myself up for lesbian mobile dating apps, I look for who is nearby.. but I never take any action. I want to have a girlfriend for a week without anyone knowing - just so I can see! I realise how ridiculous and selfish that sounds, but if I tell everyone I am bisexual/gay then ... oh guess what it is just fantasy and a 'phase'. Sorry guys - false alarm. Why isn't sexuality black and white? I can imagine responses to this entry telling me I don't need a label, shouldn't want a label, people don't need labels. Don't we constantly fight against labels? Then why do I feel so much like I want one? So unsure of how I feel that if someone could just tell my I'm x, y, or z that I could just tell everyone, including myself, and get on with my life - whichever it may be!
No one can tell you your sexuality except you. Apart from that I've read the OP a few times and I don't really understand what you're asking.
I feel ya, girl. Labels are very, very comforting. The idea of a label helps put you at ease. You figure out which one belongs to you, you feel like you fit in with anyone else who shared that label. You belong. And that may be the first time in your life you truly feel that way. I know I struggled to put a label on myself, I sometimes don't like the one I chose but I feel it suits me best. That may be the case with you. To me, it sounds like there is a chance you're bi, and maybe there is a small part of you who is afraid to explore that part of your sexuality unlike when you were young. However, there isn't anything wrong with being unsure. It sound like you want to say you have a sexuality other than straight but you're not sure, and you're afraid that maybe you don't. That is also okay. Point is, you need to do what will make you happy and comfortable. Want to try dating a girl? Go to a gay bar, see how comfortable you are there! Join an LGBT group and see how it goes! But don't worry as much about peoples reaction. You'll figure it out in time. And honestly, you sound a lot like me. If you ever need to chat or talk things out, I'm a message away.
I do know that no one can tell me my own sexuality, that's just common sense. I'm here for a chat, in the hope that perhaps there may be people who can relate to my situation. I thought this would be a good place to start. I've not got a question to which people can give a clear cut answer, I was merely giving an insight to my background, opening discussion for myself and any others in similar positions. But thanks. Thank you @MightNeedThis for your reply and welcome
Please stick around for a chat, reading other peoples stories will help you figure everything out also and at least be more confident in yourself
A few days ago I read on this forum that sexuality is not what you did but what you want to do.:icon_wink Sure, it's not that black and white but there's lots of true in it. There are many people who are married, some also with kids, but who are gay. There are many women who had relationships with one or more men but who are gay... What I do miss in your story is how you felt about it. Did you like the intimacy with men? Were you happy in the relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Were you in love? Would you rather be in a relationship with a man or a woman? Who are you attracted to?
You're right, this is missing from my story, ok well when I was with my girl friend it was a complex relationship, it was so secret, I was so unsure, I had huge self confidence issues at the time and she suffered with depression so it was all quite complex and I ended up feeling as though I was stuck in it. At the time I said 'I love you' but it wasn't love. But neither have I felt in love with a man. I don't think I have been in love with anyone. In terms of intimacy, It was a long time ago and maybe it was exciting because it was all so new but I remember my nipples being extremely sensitive to her touch in a way that I have not felt with a man. I am more sensitive to clitoral stimulation and have never climaxed through penetrative sex alone. I don't think I have reached orgasm with a man, and I can't remember if I did with my girlfriend. I think Perhaps I have actually only reached orgasm flying solo! Now I fantasise more and more about being intimate with women, but I haven't had the chance to try. Thinking about it, I'm not sure how much I really enjoy sex with men, it doesn't turn me off or disgust me but I have friends who are like "oh my god I haven't had sex for 3 weeks" ... I do not find myself like OMG me too!! It just doesn't bother me that much not to have had sex with a guy. Hmmm.. Emotionally, all my best friends are girls, the most part due to the fact I went to an all girls school. At uni I have male and female friends.
Just don't make a big deal out of it and even if you are wrong, it doesn't matter. Start with being open with your friends. Say "I think" and "maybe" a lot. Eventually you'll figure out what feels right. And as far as finding a girlfriend, I'm pretty sure if a lesbian hears rumors that you're "maybe bi" she'll go after you. And dating apps work too, like you said.
