I have been questioning my sexuality since I was 15, and I'm now 21. Firstly, I think I'm probably edging towards the asexual side, as sex doesn't appeal to me much, although maybe that will change if I find the right person. I never really notice hot guys/girls, I have to know them to find them attractive, unless it's a celebrity. I don't think that's the case for most people? I tried to come out as asexual to a friend, but they reacted pretty badly, so I told them it was a joke... I also often tell people I'm not interested in sex, as a lot of people don't know what asexual means, so I try to avoid the label, but they just tell me I'll change my mind one day. I haven't had many crushes, but the ones I have had have been male and female. I have thought about sex with maybe one or two of my crushes, maximum, in my entire life, which is what makes me think I'm asexual. I can see myself in a relationship with a girl, but with a guy I'm not so sure. I have had the opportunity to be in a relationship with a guy, but never taken it as I always think the asexual thing will get in the way. I'd feel kind of dissapointed though, if I never had a relationship with a girl, everyone would just assume I was totally straight... I don't fantasize much either, but when I have it has always been girls. I guess it's ok to carry on questioning, it's just a bit annoying that everyone assumes you're straight or gay, and I don't think people would take me seriously if I came out as 'questioning', like they'd just say I'm in denial or something. The other thing is, if I am bisexual, well it would be a lot harder for me to come out, as my parents don't believe it exists, while they would have no problem with me being lesbian. I know only I can answer the question, but in any case it's nice to be able to write my thoughts somewhere.
Do you just not think about sexual relationships at all? Does sexual satisfaction appeal to you at all, if not with other people, do you masturbate at all? I can relate to not being too bothered about having sex, I have friends who are gagging for it if they go a couple if weeks- that is something I have never been able to relate to. However I do seek sexual satisfaction every now and again, if not with other people then on my own. I'm also questioning, from reading your post am I write in taking from it that you have not had sex with either a man or a woman? If sex doesn't interest you at all then perhaps yes, you are asexual but as you said, you don't necessarily need to label yourself as such. Or you could and if one day you really do find a person with whom you want to share sexual relationship then fine! Sexuality can be fluid I think. Which can be annoying- I certainly wish I could figure my own out! Good luck! I also get the assumption thing, but if it bothers you that people think you are straight, that suggests that you have a preference to a gender which might suggest that you are bisexual or lesbian over asexual?
I can relate to this--I'm still kind of questioning; I'm not that interested in sex; my parents (at least my mom) don't really believe in bisexuals. If you say you have to get to know someone to find them attractive, that sounds to me a bit like demisexual. Asexual and bisexual are both kind of loaded words at times, so maybe people would react better to some kind of alternative. "Not interested in sex" I would think would work okay, and maybe "fluid" or "flexible" for saying you are (or may be) bi. Possibly your parents would be less dismissive of that? I guess people might still think you're undecided or in denial or whatnot. I imagine my parents would say similar things, which is why I'm not out to them. It's hard to portray some things in a better light if people refuse to see them that way. Since you haven't had many crushes or anything, I would say you sound sort of demiromantic as well, or maybe just romantically reserved. Not to rule out guys, but you do say that you fantasize about girls and can better imagine a relationship with them, so you may be leaning a bit that way. It doesn't mean you're a lesbian; it doesn't mean anything can't change. Also, does your level of sex-interest depend on men or women? Would you be interested in sex with a woman but not a man, for example? Have you had relationships with any of your crushes in the past? Without sex factoring into it, would you be satisfied living with just romantic attraction? That I would think would suggest somewhere on the asexual spectrum...but I can't speak on that for sure. Less than asexual, I guess there could be such a thing as hesitant-sexual, (which is probably a variant on demisexual) in which you might be cautiously interested in sex, but rarely and less vigorously. Usually I say "live or let live" to people, but it sounds like you've been somewhat doing that, so I would recommend at some point trying a relationship that is solely romantic and seeing if you feel you need more than that, with men or with women. Luck to you.
Nope, I've never had a relationship or experience (not even kissing) with either men or women. I would be satisfied living with just romantic attraction, I mean I've never had sex before, so I don't really see how being in a relationship would ever change that. Until very recently I had never masturbated, I never felt the need to, I still don't. It's pleasureable, sure, but plenty of other things in life are too! I agree that having a romantic relationship one day would probably help me to know, but then people would still make assumptions based on the gender of whoever that may be. My level of interest doesn't change with men or women. I think I'm probably biromantic or demisexual or something along those lines, but leaning more towards women, it's just I've always let people think I'm straight, and all I know is I'm not straight. I think the problem is trying to find a simple label for a complicated thing...Maybe in my case percentages would be a better idea! Thanks for your replies, it's good to know I'm not the only one, and good luck to you both as well!
